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RJ's personal story

I have read everyone's stories and it has helped a lot! I've written out mine so many times but never submitted it. Well today I feel I need to share a minimal amount...

My wife is the abuser, in more aspects than one. We have been married for 4.5 years and her whole demeanour changed on our honeymoon. A totally different person than I had known during our 2 years of dating. I have had to see a psychologist this year and have been for over 6 months, to help me deal with everything that happens as well as learn ways to act or deal with constant put downs and belittling.

I had to leave home to make a point that things were getting out of hand and she was having outbursts in front of our son. I left for 2.5 weeks and I said that she had to seek help otherwise I would have to leave for good. She said she sought help and I believed her (as I always do) and trusted that things would get better, so I came back home. That was 3 weeks ago, and not a thing has changed.

I am at breaking point and my pastor at my church has known the situation for 3 years now and has helped me along the journey, but I'm just lost in what I should do? I feel I need to pack a suitcase and make the step of leaving and finding happiness & hope again, but I am confused at the same time. I hate that it all happens in front of our 22 month old son. I need to show him that the behaviour and the ways my wife controls everything and ways of manipulation aren't acceptable, but I find it hard to take that final step. I think of the mortgage, child custody, and all that other stuff... Just how do I get past it?

I can't come to a conclusion. I know this life with my wife is not healthy and very toxic. I know if I leave, my son has 2 loving homes rather than 1 toxic one! I want to stand up for myself and not be manipulated back into the situation I'm in... which has happened so many times. I'm constantly depressed & stressed & walking on eggshells, as I'm afraid of what could trigger her to have an episode or outburst. But no one should have to live like this. Keep me in prayers please!

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