TELL YOUR STORY

If you are a male victim of family violence - domestic violence, violence from other family members, child abuse, elder abuse, sexual assault, or other forms of family violence and abuse - this page is available for you to tell your anonymous story. Please click here to tell your own story. If you feel like you need support, please click here. Stories are moderated to prevent the posting of spam, so it might take a little while for your story to appear on this page.

PERSONAL STORIES FROM MALE VICTIMS OF FAMILY VIOLENCE AND ABUSE

Sunday
Jun172018

Tam's personal story

My youngest brother has a strong held belief that he shouldn't hit a woman... it was how he was raised, and in his eyes, one of the worst things that he could ever be accused of. He has now on two occasions been the subject of physical abuse by female partners (emotional abuse is another story to tell). The first time he left the relationship, but the sad truth is, the second time he defended himself. He bit her on the leg. The police were called. He tried to tell the police officer that she attacked him (the bruise around his throat in the shape of finger marks that came out within hours was horrible) but the police officer's response, when my brother asked "what rights do men have?" was "you should have walked away". Even to go to the police days later, they didn't want to listen.

Needless to say, in the day and age of Facebook, my brother's photo was posted with a "if you see him, bash him for bashing her" vibe... the threat of defamation meant an "assault causing grievous bodily harm" route was taken. But we are still dealing with it and can only rely on a justice system that isn't always fair to be fair this time. As a woman, I am friggin angry that it is females like her that abuse a system designed to help and protect, and it appears, only designed to protect females. But my anger over how men have to deal with abuse with so little support, even from the police, I can't even describe! How do you get the message out that men can be victims too? How do we make it fair? How do you make a stand? I only hope that other male victims of violence by women have a loving and supportive family to fall back on!

Monday
Jun112018

Tony's personal story

I was in a relationship for approximately 3 years and whilst initially the time was fun however the day following an elaborate commitment ceremony the real inner beast of my female partner appeared. She was no longer fun to be around and through the foggy glasses I was wearing until that time I realised she was an alcoholic, control freak with severe mental problems, financially controlling me with my own money and the worst had become apparent, she had cut me off from my family.

Prior to our meeting I had suffered a stroke so her initial modus operandi was to punch me in the back of of my head. She had also manipulated me to the extent I had sold all my furniture, continued rolling over new cars into even newer cars, purchase expensive and lavish furnishings for ourselves and her aged parents and a car for one of her daughters. She then began to destruct all the remaining furnishings I had, the head punches became face punches, scratches and bites. I would barricade myself in the second bedroom, place the computer desk against the inside door to give me protection only for her to prise the door open, push the computer desk aside and the bashes would commence, with foul language and threats.

It was not until the police attended the 4th or 5th occassion and pleaded I support their AVO application I realised my only way to escape that life. As a result of the AVO she was placed on a good behaviour bond with community hours however within 2 weeks she had breached that AVO and after it became known she had consumed 3 bottles of wine she proceeded to destruct more of my furnishings then when I rejected her sexual advances she began punching me in the face and then held a knife to my face.

During a struggle she bit into my wrist and despite my requests to let go I snapped and punched her in the face. Police were called, I was made to be the cause however she was charged with breaching the AVO and released on extended good behaviour bond with additional orders. Finally I was rid of that woman, and her abuse and lucky enough to have moved on and married to the most beautiful woman in the world. Good has come from evil, I have found my soulmate and that part of my life is now distant.

Friday
Jun082018

Craig's personal story

I think men should be told the truth about the family court right from the start. That truth being that the court will never rule in favour of shared parenting 50/50 if there is no ‘co-parenting relationship’.

People within the court system informed me and my abuser of this fact. My abuser must have already known this because for 2 years we had been having a 50/50 shared care arrangement, however for the 12 months leading up to her ‘withholding’ the children, she disengaged and would not communicate with me about anything. I would send regular email updates - doing my bit of the ‘co-parenting’. When she was ready she just withheld the children. Then with a few lies and eyelid flutters, she successfully ripped the children's and my life apart.

I had 50/50 from when the youngest was 7 months old to just over 3 years of age - then wallop - only every second weekend. She gets rewarded for her bad behaviour by getting a pay-rise. I am crushed emotionally and financially. I've gone from being a happy and functioning father who was also modelling a work ethic, to a shell of a broken man. People say ‘just get over it’. Yeah right.

The so-called ‘family consultants’ within the court system are a disgrace and should be sacked for their bias. I believe many of them would have blood on their hands. When I see adverts/posters around the place that champion the importance of fathers I feel sick to my core knowing that fathers are not valued at all.

I told my story to who ever would listen. Backing up my claims with hard evidence of my abusers behaviour towards me and the children. My abuser just made sweeping claims that were lies and of course could never be substantiated. My story (and that of my children's) was just swept off the table. NO ONE CARED! Now my children are primarily living with a person who has a significant and profound mental health affliction. My children are showing signs of separation anxiety and I am broken.

The agenda outweighs the logic. Its all about the women/mothers getting everything and who cares what happens to the fathers and children. I know if I kept on trying all that would happen is that I would become homeless through wasting what I have left on a futile battle against a monster who is supported by the state in her abuse.

To all you guys out there - give up now and walk away before its too late. The lawyers work out between them how much money you have and then tailor their program to what they think they can siphon from your veins. If you have sons, please advise them against ever having children.

Sunday
Jun032018

Nguyen's personal story

I was threatened with an AVO (that can be given without any judgement by police). I was threatened both physically (with knife attacks) and verbally (with a gun to kill me and my family, abusive languages, cursing, insulting me and my family) and even my job (with an AVO).

That affects my job. I had to sign a paper to commit not to come into my own house. I was kicked out of my house.

The first violent incident happened after we had prepareded dinner. We argued then she threw all my food into the trash bin. Shen then grabbed my necklace and pulled my head down until the necklace was broken. I was under stress and started being defensive.

In 2008, she threatened me that she would suicide. I had done nothing (either verbally or physically). She disappeared and I had to run countless times around the campus and housing apartments of my university at night to find her. She used knives to attack and threaten me. However, people living around us never knew what happened to me. They never saw what I suffered on my body (countless scratches and psoriasis as a sign of being over-stressed) but only hers and her crying after the incidents.

If I do not follow her, she would take the kids and leave me or threaten me with an AVO to take my kids away. I need to go to work to pay our mortgage and raise our kids and I can't afford either the time or the emotion to do everything myself (she left for 2 months from Mar 12 to May 09 until I did the above to satisfy her requests).

I am homeless just outside my house (sleeping this winter in my car parking on the street), just to be close to my kids. If I do anything, she can do the above and take the kids and leave me. I can't afford that emotionally.

I am a professor at the number one university in NSW!

Thursday
May312018

Joe's personal story

It's two years on now since my arrest and eviction from what I thought was my last ever home belonging to my ex-GF of ten years. We had met as teens in the seventies and I lost my virginity to her, whilst we were members of the infamous “Byron Bay Love Guru” in Goulburn, NSW.

She had told me of her recent past history of sexual violence towards her, even then. "Ali-stah" deliberately broke us up, so he could take her as his 11th wife after I was booted out. We bumped into each other a few times throughout the eighties, but she joined another cult, the “Moonies” whilst I became a security guard/private investigator and JP.

In Oct 2014 we met again by chance and attempted to start a relationship, but for the past 17 years she had suffered horrendous systematic domestic violence from her husband, who had also terrorised her 3 daughters to him, including a severely disabled one. But, with her previous sexual and physical violence history and my physical disabilities from 20 years of brutal security work, we remained platonic after 3 months for the next 10 years.

The first time she physically attacked me, “sucker shoved” me, was the direct result of her husband causing her trouble. Once he became aware of my continued presence in both his estranged ex-wife's and daughters' lives he sunk to every low level of false accusation he could think of. Help for these calculating cunning conniving lies was non-existent in NSW, then as now.

For the next 10 years, she and I fought and argued verbally - name calling - but she always initiated the physical violence whenever she couldn't get her own way. I was also a former victim of my own abusive alcoholic father's systematic DV up until high school in the 70's and I watched and learnt how my passive-aggressive/provocateur mother would nightly “bait” him, into first verbal then physical fighting for over a decade.

I would get in between Mum and Dad and take many of the blows, scratches and kicks meant for each other. But Dad didn't start beating in upon me until Mum kept insisting that I call “the Big Burley Boys in Blue Serge” down upon him. Dad saw it as “siding with your Mother” and Betrayal. NSW Police KNEW all about it for all those years and did NOTHING.

So, I learnt first hand what causes DV. Exact SAME story in my ex-GF. In October of 2014, after moving away from Sydney to the Mid North Coast with ALL I ever owned, she had me arrested by the brave men and women of NSW Police who mocked and ridiculed my physical disabilities and chronic illness and I was evicted, found “guilty” in my enforced absence from court, fined and a 10 year criminal record (my first) as a “DV perpetrator”. Any/all respect I once had for NSW Police I worked alongside/with, is gone.