« M's personal story | Main | Tristan's personal story »

Lawrence's personal story

I have been married for over 20 years and I am so glad to have found this site and other men who have experienced psychotic and violent wives. My wife has an extremely loud voice and personality but the dark side of her is that she regularly loses control and snaps.

It should have been a wake up call to this behaviour the first time it happened but I did not realise it would become a pattern that would just never stop. The first time, just after we were married, we were crossing a busy street and the traffic separated us as we crossed. When we reached the other side, I copped a fire storm of verbal abuse from her that would make a sailor blush. I was accused of abandoning her, not loving her... and a raft of other 'crimes' simply because I did not hold her hand; all this in a very loud voice for several minutes in front of a crowded commuter bus on a main road.

This form of loud, indiscriminate, unreasonable verbal assault continued for the entire duration of our 21 years; in family gatherings, public places, parties, on trains, anywhere. On one (of several in front of the children), she completely lost control and the barrage was so loud, foul and destructive, I had to lock myself in a room with our three small children and cover their ears with pillows so they wouldn't hear, while she banged on the door insisting that I needed to hear what she had to say.

I may have more hope, trust and faith in a rosy future than I do brains because I have only recently become aware of the cycle of violence that is being perpetuated here. I didn't even know there was such a thing as a 'cycle of violence.' She has been verbally abusing me and our children for all this time. She has blamed me for ALL of her shortcomings and unhappiness. She seems incapable of taking personal responsibility for her actions and uses me as a scapegoat.

There is a pattern or lifestyle she is trapped in that simply won't change unless something changes. My friends are warning me even now that she won't change. I have been made to feel ashamed, blamed, useless, disrespected, humiliated, embarrassed, threatened and most certainly un-loved. She will abuse and then 'return to reason' and lose all memory of the pain she has caused and I, like a fool have fallen asleep in these times and trusted again and again, but now I'm too tired of the pattern and I have had enough. I see my kids adopting coping mechanisms to deal with it. I don't think that is good enough.

PrintView Printer Friendly Version

EmailEmail Article to Friend