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Friday
Jan162015

Drew

My ex and I were not together for very long, only about 6 months. She was 19 and I was 24 when we met. She was a small girl. 5'1 and around 50kg (I'm 5'7 and around 85-90kg), but her behaviour was like night and day. When she was having a good time, she was the most amazing person to be around. We had EVERYTHING in common.

But then suddenly, she would just change. She would get really quiet. I would ask her what was wrong, and she would start to get snappy, and then (since I was always at her place) she would tell me to just leave. Whether it was 5pm, or 3am, she would ask, so I would. I loved this girl, and I didnt want to make the situation worse, so I would. That's when it would start. The screaming, the punching, the kicking, spitting, biting, it was very violent. One time, I was kicked downstairs at full force, another time, she bit my nipple so hard she drew blood. If i was unlucky, I would get out of the house, she would follow me, and continue to verbally abuse me. And the stuff she would say is something nobody should have to hear.

It was mean, hurtful, and I believed every word she said, because I loved her. She would always go off on a tangent, and eventually decide to start walking the streets, in whatever she was wearing, in a very "uncivil" part of town. Sometimes, she would be in nothing more than a basketball jersey, or it was always a very short, revealing dress. So I would always worry, and stay with her, and eventually calm her down and get her home, knowing she was safe.

A lot of times, she would demand we go home and have sex. So I can prove that I loved her. I always refused, and explained to her that because I was so upset and couldn't even think of performing. That's when she would tell me I wasn't a man, and how pathetic I was.

I lost my job because she self harmed herself, she blamed me, I was the one who found her, and I took 2 days unpaid off work to care for her after it happened. I've alienated my friends and family.

The worst part is, I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it, because I know I will be judged, and ridiculed, because she is the "perfect" girl around everyone else. It's been 6 months since we broke up, and I still find myself unable to move on because of what I went through. I no longer have confidence in myself emotionally, physically or sexually.

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