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If you are a male victim of family violence - domestic violence, violence from other family members, child abuse, elder abuse, sexual assault, or other forms of family violence and abuse - this page is available for you to tell your anonymous story. Please click here to tell your own story. If you feel like you need support, please click here. Stories are moderated to prevent the posting of spam, so it might take a little while for your story to appear on this page.

PERSONAL STORIES FROM MALE VICTIMS OF FAMILY VIOLENCE AND ABUSE

Sunday
Dec022018

David's personal story

My abuse was mostly psychological--if not because I didn't report the harassment to the authorities as frequently as it occurred. My ex-wife degraded me and criticised me every day during our marriage, and it didn't stop after the divorce. We have a young child so have contact nearly every day. For each and every encounter or exchange of the child, I am criticised for literally everything. For example, my daughter's hair is never right, clothes are never right, I never give her the right food, I don't clean her correctly, I keep her up too late, I'm giving her food that causes cancer, my car is too old, my house is too messy. You name it, it's me so it's wrong.

And when she comes over, she rummages through the house looking for things she wants to take. All while degrading me. She rummages through my private papers, our daughter's clothes, and anything she thinks is hers that she wants to take. Because she's a school teacher of young children, I often hear ‘you're no better than my kids at school. They're smarter than you are....etc, etc.’ After you hear these insults for years, it definitely grates on you--because you don't hear any criticism from anyone else in your life, but your ex feels like she can kick you anytime she wants--you're fair game.

You don't complain or file harassment charges, because you want to keep the peace for the sake of the child. Any harassment charge comes with an automatic restraining order, which makes it hard to exchange the child. You have to use third-parties.

Recently, though, I'd had enough. My ex was in my house and noticed some unsorted kids socks on a counter. She wanted them. She wanted all of them and would have left me with none--and my daughter was with me. On this one occasion, I just said ‘no.’ The response? She wouldn't leave until I gave her the socks. She actually sat on the floor between my kitchen and living room to block me from walking out of the kitchen. I was able to walk over her and she followed me to the balcony, but grabbed me and scratched me on the arm as I walked past. On the balcony, I was able to turn the video on on my phone, and I recorded the rest of her visit.

She ignored the video and kept up her angry demands for the socks--though she was late for a meeting at work, which was the local grade school. I let her play herself out until she finally left, I kept insisting that she leave my house. Initially, she wouldn't.

After she left, I called the local Sheriff and showed him the video and told him my story. What happened? He consulted his sergeant on duty and they went to the school and took my ex-wife into custody. Charges? Burglary, harassment, domestic violence. She spent the night in jail and was arraigned the next day. Also, the school district prohibited her from setting foot on school property until further notice.

I don't feel right turning her in like that. I'd seen the same angry face numerous times, she'd taken many items out of my house, and I'd been ridiculed for years. But--on this particular day--I'd had enough. I was tired and I didn't want to give up the socks and I wasn't going to budge. Strangely, she didn't back off when the video was on and actually started arguing to my cell phone stating how bad I was. That was the wrong thing to do. But, she couldn't contain herself.

This is what the Deputy needed to see and what the District Attorney needs to see--the outright anger and viciousness my ex-wife used on me that was hidden to everyone else.

This was her second offence. They dropped the charges for the first one. This one will stick. I still feel bad about it, but she deserves all she gets this time. And I can relax knowing my daughter's mom isn't going to come into my house, degrade me, and take my belongings.

Thursday
Nov222018

Hanging Carrot's personal story

Everything was fine until she took antibiotics which led to a cessation of breast milk for our 4 week old boy, our first, and only. Within a week she was going out everyday to “get her head cleared” at her friends, leaving me making the bottles 4 hourly, washing them, sterilising them, bathing him, primary care role pretty much. This went on for about 4 weeks before I grew concerned about her mental well-being. I talked to our maternal nurse of her actions and was informed that yes it does sound like post-natal depression.

Babies make time fly and another month flew by, the worst, because she was not sleeping at home for it. I texted her a photo of our son as I had been doing saying good nite Mummy I miss you. I never locked the front door while she was out this night. The door creaked open and I saw her and was immediately happy saying you've come back. She said put some clothes on my friends are here and we are taking him to sleep over at my friends place for 3 nights.

As two guys walked in followed by 3 girls, one of the guys started to yell at me so I grabbed my phone and as I was about to record he had punched me fracturing my nose. My elderly mother who lives with us was woken and saw me bleeding and she told them she was calling the police. They all leave the home and I realised that my son was gone so I ran out and video recorded the car they were in and before they could leave police arrived.

The police asked if there were any orders which I replied no. Any family court orders? No. They said they couldn't stop her from taking our son but I could lay charges on her and the guy that assaulted me. The police asked me if I wanted to take out a violence order on her but I said no. The police reported my assault to victims of crime. The next day I called the maternal nurse and told her what had happened. The maternal nurse then called child protection, and child protection executed a search warrant on her friends' house looking for my son but she said that her Mum had come earlier that day and took him interstate. The child protection worker told me that it is not normal for a mother to leave a 3 month old and travel interstate without being present. They tell me to apply for a priority recovery order at the family court which I do the same day. The next day I serve her. One week later she serves me with a family violence order that she applied for stating the exact opposite of what happened the night she came and took our son.

She breached her own order that she had made on me by coming to our house with 2 guys again. I called the police and they told them to leave and I had to lodge a cross order. My mother and I lived in fear. Needless to say the recovery order was not successful due to the interim violence order still being in place and a passage of 9 months until heard. Seemed both courts waited to see what the other would do. Another 9 months passed till last week I walked out of court with an intervention order protecting me and my son, which i should have had at the initial hearing of my recovery order. Also now I have the the guilty verdicts from my assault, I'm waiting on VOCAT compensation. I don't know how it works but, no amount of money can replace the lost time since I've seen my son. I will miss a second Christmas waiting for the family court trial date where apparently I'm up against the great grandmother of my son that has had him since that night. She doesn't let my ex see my son because she doesn't like my ex's new boyfriend.

I was treated horribly by the magistrates that heard each time I went in for the family violence orders. Not one looked at my cross application and I was not given a chance to show the police report, nor the statements which helped with the guilty verdicts of my assault, nor my treating psychologist report who counsels me for post traumatic stress. I literally am the primary victim of a violent crime that was perpetrated by the mother of my son, treated like a vindictive person that applied for a cross violence order in retaliation to her initial violence order. Seriously I only was handed it because she did not turn up to the court. I wish she did so then the judge would have had a real eye opener.

Sunday
Nov182018

Nearly died's personal story

I was in a controlling relationship with my partner. She is a lovely sweet girl but unfortunately has some mental health issues which caused her to invent lies about me, accusing me of a lot of untrue things, control me, manipulate me, scratch, punch, hit me and blame me for all of it. She even had me believing I was the abuser. I was in a male violence group thinking it was all my fault. What hope did I have of seeing the truth when even the domestic violence handouts are gender biased saying “he controls her”.

It wasn't until I spent sometime seeing another counsellor (3rd counsellor) that she picked up on some of the things I was saying that were going on in our relationship that she asked to meet her. Eventually I encouraged my partner to come in and see my counsellor. When she came in all she was interested in doing was playing the victim, saying things she knew would hurt me and shaming me. The counsellor later pointed out that she believed that she has paranoia (I later found out the she may suffer from bipolar also).

I tried to bring this to her attention hoping that she might get help and we may be able to save our relationship. This only angered her more so for the next couple of months our problems got worse. One time she came home drunk accusing me of cheating on her. She then hit me and was threatening to smash a heavy weight over me. I refuse to fight so I got into a room and locked myself in to stay away from her. She then rang the police on my phone, said she killed someone then hung up. Straight after that she was going to cut herself. I came out of the room to prevent her from self harming and 000 called back. I told them what had happened. I stayed on the phone while she pretended that I was hurting her. The police arrived and she had superficial cuts to her wrists so they took her to hospital.

A week later she was in a bad mood and doing everything she could to draw me into an argument. After hours of her efforts she threw a bottle at me that broke so I pointed out to her how she was behaving. It instantly made her furious. She started trying to cut herself with the glass bottle so I took it off her. What followed was her running around the house try to grab things to cut herself with and me following her taking them off her. I ended up outside near the back door when she threatened to lock me outside saying “hahaha you think there aren't plenty of things inside that I can cut myself with” and she slammed the door shut. Me fearing that she may hurt herself stepped straight towards the slamming door put my hand up to stop it. In that instant I realised my arm had gone through the glass in the door. I had severely been cut right up my arm.

I have lost use of my hand, 1mm deeper and I would have lost my arm and if it had bled for 5 minutes more I would have died. While I was in emergency she called the police and told them I punched the door and was attacking her. Despite the junior officer remembering the incident the week earlier at the house the senior officer decided to give me an AVO without even speaking to me and asking my side of the story. The police are allowed to issue AVOs without talking to both parties if they deem there to be a threat. But I was no threat - I was in hospital for the next week waiting for my 3rd operation. If they had bothered to talk to me I could have told them the truth and they could have seen the evidence like the fresh scratches on her wrist from the broken bottle and where I put the bottle. They could have seen my injuries were on the palm of my hand going down my arm which would suggest I put my hand up to stop the door as opposed to the statement which said I punched the door. Anyway I was left with the option to spend large sums of money in court to clear my name or just accept an AVO that I didn't deserve.

Saturday
Oct272018

John's personal story

This goes back to mid 1980's. My abuse started about a year after we were married. She used to hit me in places that would not show, but later a slap across the face or being hit around the back or the neck with an object became her favourite. The mental abuse was the worst as it preceded the physical abuse. My wife was not a drunk but had a short temper. Anything would set her off. If I was 10 minutes late home I would be caused of having an affair. Then her temper would build and build until she lashed out. This lasted another 5 years until I moved out.

We had 2 children I didn't want to leave with her. But the way the family courts go she got custody. My biggest disappointment was that no-one believed me. The only help out there was for women. One help for centre for women told me women don't hit men and if she did you probably deserved it. I was lucky I got out as she remarried a couple of years later and he ended up in hospital with a broken jaw. He claimed he fell down some stairs. A couple of months later she tried to cut off his private parts while he was asleep. But he woke up in time because of the pain. She was charged with assault but he withdrew the charges and left.

The trouble for men is that no-one believe you and there is still very little help for abused men.

Thursday
Oct182018

Steve's personal story

Last year a cracked rib as I sang a Steeeevie Gerrard (oooo aaaaaa) I wanna knowwwwwww if you'll score a goal.... me being Liverpool supporter her a Chelsea/Newcastle supporter (Wallop) cracked rib police called she's dragged across hotel foyer kicking and screaming!

The other day I said the George Michael version (live) of Queens “somebody to love” is better than the Freddie Mercury version! She goaded me NOT to play it in the pub.....so I played it in the pub as I control what is on (load) Wallop a cracked cheek bone looks lovely!

So in many ways I kind of asked for it all!!

Dead upsetting though so I am not talking to her for a bit!!!