SUPPORTERS OF THE ONE IN THREE CAMPAIGN
If you would like to support the campaign, please contact us here.
“The AMHF is the peak body for men’s and boys’ health and wellbeing in Australia. The Executive of AMHF all applaud the aims of the One In Three Campaign. We are often asked to endorse the notion of “No to violence against women” and we do so, wholeheartedly. But we also find that men as victims of intimate partner abuse get ignored. It seems that our society often prefers to take an easy and over simplistic ideological approach to domestic violence: men are perpetrators, women are victims. This website invites us to have a national debate so as to consider in a more balanced way the whole issue of violence with a view to helping us end it.
The public health approach to violence is based on the rigorous requirements of the scientific method. In moving from problem to solution, it has four key steps:
- Uncovering as much basic knowledge as possible about all the aspects of violence - through systematically collecting data on the magnitude, scope, characteristics and consequences of violence at local, national and international levels. [emphasis added]
- Investigating why violence occurs – that is, conducting research to determine:
- the causes and correlates of violence;
- the factors that increase or decrease the risk for violence;
- the factors that might be modifiable through interventions.
The Executive of AMHF totally supports this approach. We feel that the One In Three campaign will disseminate research on this important topic and therefore facilitate a national dialogue based on evidence. This can only be in the interest of families as a whole and all victims and perpetrators.”
Steve Biddulph, author of Manhood, Raising Boys and The Secret of Happy Children:
“With family violence, we had to address ‘women and children first’; but in 2009, the troubling, gritty nub of violence is in families where both partners are violent, as well as those most hidden, where women hit men. Today nobody approves of or accepts wife bashing. Husband bashing needs this same condemnation and action, because everyone needs help to live in safety, and women and men equally need programs to steer them to safer ways of living in families. Violence is a miserable way to live, for perpetrator and victim, and for little children forced to watch. Solving violence against husbands can close the loop on eradicating violence from our wider society.”
Maggie Hamilton, author of What Men Don't Talk About and What's Happening to Our Girls:
“Until researching What Men Don't Talk About I'd no idea about domestic violence towards men. In speaking about it with friends I was then shocked to discover this had touched the lives of several close friends. These were men of all backgrounds - from manual laborers to professional men. In some cases the violence was inter-generational. While we remain silent on this issue, men continue to be hurt, to be ignored. Once we believed only little girls were subject to sexual abuse, and so countless boys were abused. The same is now true of men. It's important we say no to all violence.”
Dr. Elizabeth Celi, psychologist and author in men’s mental health:
“Throughout the journey of releasing my book on men’s mental health and advocating for public awareness, I was alarmed to learn of a hidden social problem: male victims of abusive women. The more I researched the topic, the more aware I became of a conundrum faced by many men. Women may not be able to pack a punch like a man might, but some women’s sugar-coated viper tongue can maim and damage a man’s identity and self-worth. A man’s health is wrapped up in his identity. Therefore the woman who insults his manhood, his sexuality and sensuality, his fathering role, his opinions and contributions, sexually manipulates him or uses various forms of intimidation and manipulation to ‘corner him’ (including using the children as negotiating tools) does terrible damage to a man’s self-esteem. It’s a form of social and domestic abuse that’s difficult to detect and even more difficult to defend against. The battered man not only reaches a point of holding on to his identity by his fingertips, he also runs the risk of being ridiculed or misunderstood when he finds the courage to seek help. The silent phenomenon that plagued many women decades ago is now a silent phenomenon for many men. In the brilliant way we’ve rightfully assisted female victims, male victims deserve the same unbiased and supportive assistance.”
In my relationship with Deborah, I didn't like to admit that I was scared - in fact it took me a long time to admit that I felt scared and was affected by her abuse. That admission was challenging to my own identity as a male. I could not even admit to my close and supportive friends how much her behaviour was hurting me. Mervyn
Rob Koch, Founding Director, Better Men Australia:
“I have been an advocate for many years for women who have been victims of family violence and have supported the necessary ‘Say NO’ campaigns and led the way in challenging men to treat women with the respect they deserve. But since specialising in men’s work eight years ago there have been several men who have quietly disclosed to me that their female partner has been the perpetrator of violence; physical, emotional, financial, even sexual. Dare I believe them, as we would normally do if they were female victims? Some partners even admitted the abuse and came up with the same justifications as male perpetrators normally do.
I began to suggest to my professional colleagues that if we are going to be fair and comprehensive in our response to family violence we also need to acknowledge that male victims do exist; they need support; that perpetrators need to be brought to justice; that women also need programs and supports to address and overcome their anger, power and control issues. Sadly, this plea was often met with lip service at best, or more often - counter claims, suspicion and labelling.
Just recently I felt a measure of vindication with similar calls coming from the sector in the USA, and now through this website. I enthusiatically support the One in Three Campaign as a much-needed balance to those of us attempting to prevent or address family violence. It is time for the movement to mature, and this can only happen if we look at the facts objectively, and hear the silent cries of all human victims, regardless of gender.”
Micheal Woods, Senior Lecturer, School of Biomedical & Health Sciences, University of Western Sydney:
“Policies, legislation and services for family violence in Australia are based on the assumption that nearly all victims are women, and all perpetrators men. This is contrary to the overwhelming body of research findings in Australia and internationally - as reported on this site. Gender is one small factor amongst many in the dynamics of family violence. Yet Government at State and Federal level continues to inflict damage on men, women and particularly children by subscribing to outmoded and simplistic concepts based in ideology – not evidence. As the former Governor General of Australia, Bill Hayden, noted in his opening speech to the Second National Conference on Violence of 1993:
‘to see violence in the home ... as a war against women is to distort reality. Men too are victims. Women too are perpetrators... Neither sex has a monopoly of vice or virtue’
The One in Three campaign is a welcome and substantial contribution to the development of an evidence-based approach to reducing family violence in Australia.”
Toni McLean, domestic violence counsellor and Ph.D researcher:
“The feminist movement has done the community a great service in raising public awareness of, and campaigning for legislation to address, violence in families, in particular partner violence at the hands of dangerous men. However, if we continue to focus only on abuse and violence by men, and in so doing ignore the use of abuse and violence by women towards their partners, we are actually colluding in the violence by our silence. The fact that men are statistically less likely than women to be assaulted by their partners doesn't mean that men are any less entitled to be free from abuse. And the children of these relationships are equally affected, regardless of which parent is using violence. It is time to have a genuine focus on ending all violence in families, regardless of the sex of the perpetrator and the sex of the victim. All people are entitled to live without violence.”
Greg Millan, Men's Health Services:
“As an educator, trainer and researcher with 17 years experience in the men's health area I am very pleased to support the One in Three Campaign. I have taken an active role in the area of education and raising awareness about men as victims of domestic violence since 1999. I am concerned that we do not address the needs of male victims of domestic violence by providing services and support for them, health promotion programs to halt violence against men and women and appropriate education programs for perpetrators of violence.”
I had a breakdown. I took three months off work, but when I went back I just couldn't do my job any more. Bob
Lee Heather, domestic violence counsellor and group facilitator, Kinections (Woolangabba, Brisbane)
In my work I meet many men both in groups and individual counselling who tell me that their female partners have also engaged in family violence but nothing is done about this. Sometimes this is simply the individual denying or minimising their own abuse, but many times we check this out to find it is true. Presumably women do not have to be responsible for the part they played in the abuse cycle. This has to end if we are do to anything concrete about lowering rates of family violence.
Paddy Murray, buddhist prison chaplain and psychotherapist:
“I fully support a more honest government policy around intimate partner or family violence. For too long official policies have focused on men as the problem. The truth is that at least one in three victims are male. An honest policy would focus on decreasing all intimate partner and family violence regardless of the gender of perpetrators or victims. To continue with campaigns and policies that seem to have as their main aim the pathologising of men is bad and ineffective policy as well as dishonest. Not good Karma either.”
Brian Mier, Men's Health Educator & Advocate:
“One of the early managers of a community health service in Victoria (1977-1980), I was appalled at the way things had skewed to victimise men in the system when I returned to the field of health education and promotion three years ago. The One in Three Campaign evidences and highlights the fact that men can be victims of violence, too. Psychological, sexual and emotional violence are no less powerful and destructve than physical violence. I believe in Equity in community health and services, and that actions speak louder than words. I am glad to be able to ontribute to improving the health and wellbeing of men and boys in my State and community. Supporting the One in Three Campaign is an important part of my work and adds to my knowledge base.”
Adam Blanch, Provisional Psychologist:
“I have been counselling men for over 20 years, and have seen many men badly victimised and abused by their female partners. Men find themselves in a uniquely vulnerable position when this happens. If they defend themselves they will most likely get arrested. If they report the abuse to the police, they will most likely be arrested. If they seek help from domestic violence support services they will most likely be accused of being the perpetrator and denied help. Many men do not leave because they fear that the violence will be transferred to the children, and because they have no resources or place to go. The denial of the reality of female violence against men is one of this society's most shameful acts of sexism, and the groups who work so hard to promote this denial are culpable for the extraordinary suffering of millions of men, women and children. It is only when we are willing to recognise that domestic violence is a 'human' problem that we will be able to respond effectively and reduce the suffering for all people.”
Joel Edson, Senior Occupational Therapist:
“It is with pleasure and encouragement that I offer my support to the One in Three Campaign. My interest in family violence was established in my years at university, and through critical analysis and robust discussion with academics and many others, it became very apparent that there are aspects of this phenomenon that have been clearly omitted from policy and social commentary and presented in biased and dishonest ways. It is my hope that the dominant discourses in society around family violence can become balanced and accurate for the betterment of the health and well-being of our communities. Well done One in Three.”
Ken Henderson, Coordinator, Fathers & Their Children Program (Mt Druitt, NSW)
“Our observations in running a men’s support service are in agreeance with your assertions. URGENT ISSUE: The NSW AG’s Dept are currently working towards legislation setting minimum standards for both DV interventions and all other interventions where DV may arise as an issue (e.g. parenting groups, mens groups). This legislation is being informed by dangerously outmoded and discriminatory thinking and could mean and end to any meaningful work with men in this state. We need to act now.”
“I was the National Research Officer at Relationships Australia from 2005 to 2007, so I have a perspective on this isue both as a researcher, and incidentally, as a victim of severe emotional abuse during a turbulent 4 year marriage. I heard about the message of respectful relationships during my time at RA. Certainly, they treated me with respect. But at the same time, there were no tools available to me to deal with the abuse I was getting when I returned home each night.
The abuse was emotional and economic in that I was expected to provide financially for the household, but then my wife would refuse to get a job and refused to even do housework as a way, I believe, to humiliate me. It was tantamount to slavery coupled with constant abusive words and put-downs. I was also cut off from friends if she thought they could be a source of emotional support for me.
I therefore fully support the campaign which also has a human rights component. Article 23 (4) of the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights guarantees equal rights in marriage and at its dissolution for both men and women. But if we say that only women have protection from DV in marriage we are violating Australia’s international human rights obligations.”
“We have high rates of family violence, a term we use here as we accept that it impacts on all family members. In July 2008 in the Inteyerrkwe statement 400 Aboriginal males from all over Australia acknowledged and apologised for the hurt caused to women and children by men after a lengthy meeting of 2-3 days. The statement was presented and read to the Australian government and the UN.
Unfortunately significant amounts of violence here are caused by women against men and the ‘helping’ agencies favour females over men, as does the judicial system. The ‘intervention’ has compounded this bias by portraying Aboriginal men as child sexual abusers, ignoring the fact that most men here struggle very hard to care for their female partners and children. Women are thus almost guaranteed a sympathetic response and can use that to bully and hurt men, who are even less likely to report it to the authorities than their non-Indigenous counterparts due to the shame involved. Daily we see men who have been hurt by women without any chance of recourse yet the newspapers daily portray violence caused by men to woman.
It is great to see that the One in Three campaign acknowledges all people affected by violence.”
“We need to expose the truth that family violence is often towards men and boys. They are usually very ashamed to admit it and are scared they will not be believed, or even worse, assumed to be the perpetrator. We need to make sure that all victims have the support they need no matter what their gender. Having my eyes opened to the truth has helped me to help others.”
“It is through the small voices of the many that any change occurs. Usually a bit of hard-nosed pragmatic action is needed too.”
“I am pleased there is support out there for men and this web site is one of them and I am proud to give my support to the cause”
“Great to hear that there is something like this which helps men deal with a rarely talked about or acknowledged issue. I am creating a study on gender issues in domestic violence for an assignment through Monash university and this is almost the only place I can get information on this less publicised face of domestic violence.”
“Domestic abuse knows no age, gender, nationality or religion. It is a crime against another human being and all victims from any assault deserve services that are educated to handle respectfully, competently and with up-to-date knowledge about this silent experience that some families are facing alone.”
“I have worked with many men over the years affected by verbal, physical, emotional, sexual and financial abuse by women their female partners, their mothers, their daughters and their sisters. Disclosing their experience was painful and difficult as they felt enormous shame. The sooner we stop a gender biased approach to violence the safer our community will be; the less shame women will feel about their behaviour and the less shame men will feel about their experience. This will support men to be be free to disclose their experience without fear of humiliation or disbelief. It is sadly not yet safe for men to share their experience and this is a direct result of the gender biased approach to violence, I look forward to the day we say no to violence in its various forms and cease to demonise men by making it a gender issue. Where are the stats on men's experience of violence by women? I believe this issue is under reported because men do not ask for help when a women does them harm they think it is their job to suck it up. I hope the tide turns. Thanks for keeping us informed, I love your work!.”
“I fully support raising awareness of female violence against males, and will keep you informed about my PhD research into this field. Best regards.”
Mark Rosenthal, RADAR (Respecting Accuracy in Domestic Abuse Reporting), USA:
“The first serious research into family violence was the 1975 U.S. National Family Violence Survey funded by the U.S. National Institute of Health and conducted by sociologists Murray Straus, Suzanne Steinmetz, and Richard Gelles. The researchers expected to find that partner violence was overwhelmingly male-on-female violence, but their data showed that assumption to be wrong. When they presented their research findings at a conference, the data was so unwelcome that they were nearly hooted and booed from the stage. In the three decades since then, the media has kept the public ignorant of objective research into family violence, and instead presented a biased portrayal of the issue. Domestic violence is a human problem, not a gendered problem. A fair and just society would see to it that all victims are treated with compassion. R.A.D.A.R. - Respecting Accuracy in Domestic Abuse Reporting - is a non-profit, non-partisan organisation of men and women working to improve the effectiveness of the approach to solving domestic violence.”
She reduced me to a state of total powerlessness. I couldn't function as a husband, as a father. I did everything she wanted and got abused for it. The more I gave in to her the more she destroyed me. I became like a little man just towing the line. I had to ask permission to go and see a friend. I was just her slave in the relationship. Nigel
Harry Crouch, National Coalition For Men, USA:
“There is a large body of research from Westernised countries that show more than one in three victims of intimate partner violence are men. Emerging research is beginning to establish that in some countries men are substantially more likely to be abused by a woman than a woman by a man. Regardless, the number of men abused by women is huge. Such abuse is not gender-specific. Why then are there so few or no related services for men? Why do so few fathers and mothers defend their sons? Why do civilised societies punish men for things they have not done while at the same time send them to die or be seriously injured in war? How is it we so easily abuse, shame, and accuse our sons and then disenfranchise them as adults for being violent? How convoluted is it then that we blame female violence on men and grant women excuse after excuse for their violence?”
Gordon E. Finley, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology, Florida International University, USA:
“‘Silent Victims No More’ easily could be one theme for the One in Three Campaign. There is nothing inherent to being a boy or man that requires us silently to accept violence (physical, sexual, or emotional) from girls and women. The data in the United States clearly indicate that males and females initiate domestic violence at approximately equal rates with a very disturbing trend in some recent studies suggesting increasing initiation rates by girls and women. A Campaign whose time has come.”
Thomas Golden, author, “Swallowed by a Snake: The Gift of the Masculine Side of Healing”, USA:
“I have worked as a psychotherapist with traumatised men for over 30 years. About 10 years ago I became aware that men were indeed victims of domestic violence and were often put into very difficult positions of having to protect themselves and their children from harm. I was shocked at the time to realize that there was no place for these men to go to get help. I started contacting legislators, domestic violence agencies and anyone else who might listen. I was amazed at the lack of concern for these men. The domestic violence treatment centers were obviously built for female victims and it didn't take much investigation to find that they also held men accountable for the origins of domestic violence. Not ‘some men’ who are out of control for some reason or another but rather ‘men in general’ or even masculinity itself. This sort of assumption has short-circuited men from getting help in the present system. How can one have compassion for those who, according to the theoretical model, deserve the blame for the problem itself? You can't. Our system of domestic violence is long overdue to be completely re-organised to have compassion for both male and female victims. Thank you for your web site and your concern for male victims of domestic violence.”
If you would like to support the campaign, please contact us here.
She would kick me in the genital area, she'd bite me on the shoulders and scratch my face and neck. She'd threaten to kill herself if I didn't give her the gambling money. Then she'd threaten to kill our son. In the middle of her screaming fits she would tell me and my son that I wasn't his father, even though we both knew he was. Raymond