SUPPORTERS OF THE ONE IN THREE CAMPAIGN
If you would like to support the campaign, please contact us here.
“The AMHF is the peak body for men’s and boys’ health and wellbeing in Australia. The Executive of AMHF all applaud the aims of the One In Three Campaign. We are often asked to endorse the notion of “No to violence against women” and we do so, wholeheartedly. But we also find that men as victims of intimate partner abuse get ignored. It seems that our society often prefers to take an easy and over simplistic ideological approach to domestic violence: men are perpetrators, women are victims. This website invites us to have a national debate so as to consider in a more balanced way the whole issue of violence with a view to helping us end it.
The public health approach to violence is based on the rigorous requirements of the scientific method. In moving from problem to solution, it has four key steps:
- Uncovering as much basic knowledge as possible about all the aspects of violence - through systematically collecting data on the magnitude, scope, characteristics and consequences of violence at local, national and international levels. [emphasis added]
- Investigating why violence occurs – that is, conducting research to determine:
- the causes and correlates of violence;
- the factors that increase or decrease the risk for violence;
- the factors that might be modifiable through interventions.
The Executive of AMHF totally supports this approach. We feel that the One In Three campaign will disseminate research on this important topic and therefore facilitate a national dialogue based on evidence. This can only be in the interest of families as a whole and all victims and perpetrators.”
Maggie Hamilton, author of What Men Don't Talk About and What's Happening to Our Girls:
“Until researching What Men Don't Talk About I'd no idea about domestic violence towards men. In speaking about it with friends I was then shocked to discover this had touched the lives of several close friends. These were men of all backgrounds - from manual laborers to professional men. In some cases the violence was inter-generational. While we remain silent on this issue, men continue to be hurt, to be ignored. Once we believed only little girls were subject to sexual abuse, and so countless boys were abused. The same is now true of men. It's important we say no to all violence.”
Dr. Elizabeth Celi, psychologist and author in men’s mental health:
“Throughout the journey of releasing my book on men’s mental health and advocating for public awareness, I was alarmed to learn of a hidden social problem: male victims of abusive women. The more I researched the topic, the more aware I became of a conundrum faced by many men. Women may not be able to pack a punch like a man might, but some women’s sugar-coated viper tongue can maim and damage a man’s identity and self-worth. A man’s health is wrapped up in his identity. Therefore the woman who insults his manhood, his sexuality and sensuality, his fathering role, his opinions and contributions, sexually manipulates him or uses various forms of intimidation and manipulation to ‘corner him’ (including using the children as negotiating tools) does terrible damage to a man’s self-esteem. It’s a form of social and domestic abuse that’s difficult to detect and even more difficult to defend against. The battered man not only reaches a point of holding on to his identity by his fingertips, he also runs the risk of being ridiculed or misunderstood when he finds the courage to seek help. The silent phenomenon that plagued many women decades ago is now a silent phenomenon for many men. In the brilliant way we’ve rightfully assisted female victims, male victims deserve the same unbiased and supportive assistance.”
In my relationship with Deborah, I didn't like to admit that I was scared - in fact it took me a long time to admit that I felt scared and was affected by her abuse. That admission was challenging to my own identity as a male. I could not even admit to my close and supportive friends how much her behaviour was hurting me. Mervyn
Rob Koch, Founding Director, Better Men Australia:
“I have been an advocate for many years for women who have been victims of family violence and have supported the necessary ‘Say NO’ campaigns and led the way in challenging men to treat women with the respect they deserve. But since specialising in men’s work eight years ago there have been several men who have quietly disclosed to me that their female partner has been the perpetrator of violence; physical, emotional, financial, even sexual. Dare I believe them, as we would normally do if they were female victims? Some partners even admitted the abuse and came up with the same justifications as male perpetrators normally do.
I began to suggest to my professional colleagues that if we are going to be fair and comprehensive in our response to family violence we also need to acknowledge that male victims do exist; they need support; that perpetrators need to be brought to justice; that women also need programs and supports to address and overcome their anger, power and control issues. Sadly, this plea was often met with lip service at best, or more often - counter claims, suspicion and labelling.
Just recently I felt a measure of vindication with similar calls coming from the sector in the USA, and now through this website. I enthusiatically support the One in Three Campaign as a much-needed balance to those of us attempting to prevent or address family violence. It is time for the movement to mature, and this can only happen if we look at the facts objectively, and hear the silent cries of all human victims, regardless of gender.”
Micheal Woods, Senior Lecturer, School of Biomedical & Health Sciences, University of Western Sydney:
“Policies, legislation and services for family violence in Australia are based on the assumption that nearly all victims are women, and all perpetrators men. This is contrary to the overwhelming body of research findings in Australia and internationally - as reported on this site. Gender is one small factor amongst many in the dynamics of family violence. Yet Government at State and Federal level continues to inflict damage on men, women and particularly children by subscribing to outmoded and simplistic concepts based in ideology – not evidence. As the former Governor General of Australia, Bill Hayden, noted in his opening speech to the Second National Conference on Violence of 1993:
‘to see violence in the home ... as a war against women is to distort reality. Men too are victims. Women too are perpetrators... Neither sex has a monopoly of vice or virtue’
The One in Three campaign is a welcome and substantial contribution to the development of an evidence-based approach to reducing family violence in Australia.”
Toni McLean, domestic violence counsellor and Ph.D researcher:
“The feminist movement has done the community a great service in raising public awareness of, and campaigning for legislation to address, violence in families, in particular partner violence at the hands of dangerous men. However, if we continue to focus only on abuse and violence by men, and in so doing ignore the use of abuse and violence by women towards their partners, we are actually colluding in the violence by our silence. The fact that men are statistically less likely than women to be assaulted by their partners doesn't mean that men are any less entitled to be free from abuse. And the children of these relationships are equally affected, regardless of which parent is using violence. It is time to have a genuine focus on ending all violence in families, regardless of the sex of the perpetrator and the sex of the victim. All people are entitled to live without violence.”
Greg Millan, Men's Health Services:
“As an educator, trainer and researcher with 17 years experience in the men's health area I am very pleased to support the One in Three Campaign. I have taken an active role in the area of education and raising awareness about men as victims of domestic violence since 1999. I am concerned that we do not address the needs of male victims of domestic violence by providing services and support for them, health promotion programs to halt violence against men and women and appropriate education programs for perpetrators of violence.”
I had a breakdown. I took three months off work, but when I went back I just couldn't do my job any more. Bob
Lee Heather, domestic violence counsellor and group facilitator, Kinections (Woolangabba, Brisbane)
In my work I meet many men both in groups and individual counselling who tell me that their female partners have also engaged in family violence but nothing is done about this. Sometimes this is simply the individual denying or minimising their own abuse, but many times we check this out to find it is true. Presumably women do not have to be responsible for the part they played in the abuse cycle. This has to end if we are do to anything concrete about lowering rates of family violence.
Paddy Murray, buddhist prison chaplain and psychotherapist:
“I fully support a more honest government policy around intimate partner or family violence. For too long official policies have focused on men as the problem. The truth is that at least one in three victims are male. An honest policy would focus on decreasing all intimate partner and family violence regardless of the gender of perpetrators or victims. To continue with campaigns and policies that seem to have as their main aim the pathologising of men is bad and ineffective policy as well as dishonest. Not good Karma either.”
Brian Mier, Men's Health Educator & Advocate:
“One of the early managers of a community health service in Victoria (1977-1980), I was appalled at the way things had skewed to victimise men in the system when I returned to the field of health education and promotion three years ago. The One in Three Campaign evidences and highlights the fact that men can be victims of violence, too. Psychological, sexual and emotional violence are no less powerful and destructve than physical violence. I believe in Equity in community health and services, and that actions speak louder than words. I am glad to be able to ontribute to improving the health and wellbeing of men and boys in my State and community. Supporting the One in Three Campaign is an important part of my work and adds to my knowledge base.”
Adam Blanch, Provisional Psychologist:
“I have been counselling men for over 20 years, and have seen many men badly victimised and abused by their female partners. Men find themselves in a uniquely vulnerable position when this happens. If they defend themselves they will most likely get arrested. If they report the abuse to the police, they will most likely be arrested. If they seek help from domestic violence support services they will most likely be accused of being the perpetrator and denied help. Many men do not leave because they fear that the violence will be transferred to the children, and because they have no resources or place to go. The denial of the reality of female violence against men is one of this society's most shameful acts of sexism, and the groups who work so hard to promote this denial are culpable for the extraordinary suffering of millions of men, women and children. It is only when we are willing to recognise that domestic violence is a 'human' problem that we will be able to respond effectively and reduce the suffering for all people.”
Joel Edson, Senior Occupational Therapist:
“It is with pleasure and encouragement that I offer my support to the One in Three Campaign. My interest in family violence was established in my years at university, and through critical analysis and robust discussion with academics and many others, it became very apparent that there are aspects of this phenomenon that have been clearly omitted from policy and social commentary and presented in biased and dishonest ways. It is my hope that the dominant discourses in society around family violence can become balanced and accurate for the betterment of the health and well-being of our communities. Well done One in Three.”
Ken Henderson, Coordinator, Fathers & Their Children Program (Mt Druitt, NSW)
“Our observations in running a men’s support service are in agreeance with your assertions. URGENT ISSUE: The NSW AG’s Dept are currently working towards legislation setting minimum standards for both DV interventions and all other interventions where DV may arise as an issue (e.g. parenting groups, mens groups). This legislation is being informed by dangerously outmoded and discriminatory thinking and could mean and end to any meaningful work with men in this state. We need to act now.”
“I was the National Research Officer at Relationships Australia from 2005 to 2007, so I have a perspective on this isue both as a researcher, and incidentally, as a victim of severe emotional abuse during a turbulent 4 year marriage. I heard about the message of respectful relationships during my time at RA. Certainly, they treated me with respect. But at the same time, there were no tools available to me to deal with the abuse I was getting when I returned home each night.
The abuse was emotional and economic in that I was expected to provide financially for the household, but then my wife would refuse to get a job and refused to even do housework as a way, I believe, to humiliate me. It was tantamount to slavery coupled with constant abusive words and put-downs. I was also cut off from friends if she thought they could be a source of emotional support for me.
I therefore fully support the campaign which also has a human rights component. Article 23 (4) of the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights guarantees equal rights in marriage and at its dissolution for both men and women. But if we say that only women have protection from DV in marriage we are violating Australia’s international human rights obligations.”
“We have high rates of family violence, a term we use here as we accept that it impacts on all family members. In July 2008 in the Inteyerrkwe statement 400 Aboriginal males from all over Australia acknowledged and apologised for the hurt caused to women and children by men after a lengthy meeting of 2-3 days. The statement was presented and read to the Australian government and the UN.
Unfortunately significant amounts of violence here are caused by women against men and the ‘helping’ agencies favour females over men, as does the judicial system. The ‘intervention’ has compounded this bias by portraying Aboriginal men as child sexual abusers, ignoring the fact that most men here struggle very hard to care for their female partners and children. Women are thus almost guaranteed a sympathetic response and can use that to bully and hurt men, who are even less likely to report it to the authorities than their non-Indigenous counterparts due to the shame involved. Daily we see men who have been hurt by women without any chance of recourse yet the newspapers daily portray violence caused by men to woman.
It is great to see that the One in Three campaign acknowledges all people affected by violence.”
“We need to expose the truth that family violence is often towards men and boys. They are usually very ashamed to admit it and are scared they will not be believed, or even worse, assumed to be the perpetrator. We need to make sure that all victims have the support they need no matter what their gender. Having my eyes opened to the truth has helped me to help others.”
“It is through the small voices of the many that any change occurs. Usually a bit of hard-nosed pragmatic action is needed too.”
“I am pleased there is support out there for men and this web site is one of them and I am proud to give my support to the cause”
“Great to hear that there is something like this which helps men deal with a rarely talked about or acknowledged issue. I am creating a study on gender issues in domestic violence for an assignment through Monash university and this is almost the only place I can get information on this less publicised face of domestic violence.”
“Domestic abuse knows no age, gender, nationality or religion. It is a crime against another human being and all victims from any assault deserve services that are educated to handle respectfully, competently and with up-to-date knowledge about this silent experience that some families are facing alone.”
“I have worked with many men over the years affected by verbal, physical, emotional, sexual and financial abuse by women their female partners, their mothers, their daughters and their sisters. Disclosing their experience was painful and difficult as they felt enormous shame. The sooner we stop a gender biased approach to violence the safer our community will be; the less shame women will feel about their behaviour and the less shame men will feel about their experience. This will support men to be be free to disclose their experience without fear of humiliation or disbelief. It is sadly not yet safe for men to share their experience and this is a direct result of the gender biased approach to violence, I look forward to the day we say no to violence in its various forms and cease to demonise men by making it a gender issue. Where are the stats on men's experience of violence by women? I believe this issue is under reported because men do not ask for help when a women does them harm they think it is their job to suck it up. I hope the tide turns. Thanks for keeping us informed, I love your work!.”
“I fully support raising awareness of female violence against males, and will keep you informed about my PhD research into this field. Best regards.”
“This is a wonderful campaign. I have watched the endless streams of propaganda informing the public that domestic violence is something women and children suffer at the hands of male perpetrators. I have written hundreds of letters and emails over a 20 year period trying to point out the deceit behind such campaigns. At last it seems the wheel is slowly turning. I am so grateful to the people who have invested so much time and energy into this One in Three campaign. The truth about domestic violence will be revealed and an informed public will never again be so easily manipulated by those who would rather push an ideological agenda.”
“Only when we view family violence in all its complexities can we hope to develop strategies to prevent it. By merely acknowledging one element and denying or ignoring all others we not only do a disservice to silenced victims but cannot possibly support all perpetrators to change their behaviour. One in Three highlights the fact that men and boys can be victims of family violence and unfortunately form a large group of such victims. This is not to deny that males, too, can be perpetrators; it simply points to the dynamics of a social problem (not a gendered one) that cannot be adequately addressed by gendered solutions. Well done to 1 in 3 for bringing to the public's attention an important point regarding family violence!”
“I stumbled upon this website not fully intending to. I was researching for a print advertisement that challenges the representation of abuse in the media and the first thing I thought of was violence against men. However, finding any ads proved to be more than difficult. When I found this website, I was shocked at the statistics presented to me, but not surprised. I figured that the media often displays information that is untrue and misleading. Reading the stories here at this website was really a testimony to the strength and perseverance of the many men affected and I was truly in awe. As someone whose values are strongly for equality, I feel like information like this should definitely be easy to find so it can open up eyes like it's opened mine. So that people can see that family violence is a two-way street and that men won't feel like they can't seek help. I will definitely be spreading this info to my friends and family.”
“Thank you for your good work. More needs to be done in this area for male victims of female crimes. Best wishes.”
“One in Three has been a vital vehicle for the male victims of female violence and abusive controlling behaviours that I see. For these men to be recognised and acknowledged has proven to be vital in their recovery from horrible experiences that are compounded by discrimination by services and their staff. ”
“Over many years I could not but notice various ways of males being abused. I was abused by my ex-husband, but nevertheless, it did not change my beliefs that imbalances exist, and something has to be done. By pure chance I found your organisation, and it is wonderful to see that someone is doing somthing about it. I believe that in the future I will have so much to contribute. With best wishes”
“Violence against men is still a taboo and thus under reported but the consequences are real and costly. Thanks to One in Three, men who suffered abuse of any form have an advocate. I whole-heartedly lend my support to One in Three and want to honour their valuable contribution to improving men's lives.”
“A recent guest editiorial (14 Oct 2011) in Australian Doctor, this country's leading weekly medical news magazine, called for greater awareness and action by General Practitioners to help curb “violence against women” but made no acknowledgement that men were also victims. The current issue of Family Physician (Nov 2011), the official journal of the Royal Australian College of General Practitioners, also deals with the issue of violence but again the article concerning domestic violence ignores that violence against men is an issue for concern. However all practicing GP's whose business it is to understand family relationships and their impact on health know that women , men and children are all victims of domestic and family violence and abuse. You can't solve a problem by pretending one half of the problem is non existent. Indeed the problem of interpersonal violence appears to be growing rather than improving – surely an indication that something about the current approach is not working.”
“I am an Ambassador for White Ribbon. I certainly understand and support the eradication of domestic violence against men. I will definitely be adding the 1IN3 message to my talks on DV, and my men's depression workshops. Keep up the great work.”
“Support for survivors of violence should not be gender-based, believe and offer your support to all.”
“As a male survivor of child abuse I know first hand the difficulties of obtaining support in the community as an adult. Please take note of the research and place more funding into services that can provide appropriate support for men in difficult circumstances.”
“I found this campaign looking for information about men as victims of domestic violence. My choice of assessment was based upon the personal experiences of a dear friend of mine, whom I watched as he went from a fun-loving, joyful and full of life man to withering into a faded, empty shell of his former self.
The complete and utter bias in campaigning, advertising and media portayals is completely appalling. To futher infuriate the situation, much of the literature I found was pro-feminist and made me truly question the value of research that is so biased through ones beliefs that a long term research project investigating male victims of domestic violence led the (pro-feminist) authors to assert that it was in fact, simply a gender thing and that any violence against a man must simply have been in response to his provocations.
With this in mind I was ecstatic to find this website as it has plain speaking, direct information that is straight down the line and does not tread lightly in fear of upsetting 'sensibilities'. The cold hard truth is good to hear and I wish to echo the sentiments of many other people who commented before me and stated that the day that gender is removed from the equation and violence is recognised for what it is - will be a great win for everyone.”
“I am the 1 in your 1 in 3. I learnt so much from your website. I thank you so much. It is difficult for men in my situation to speak out, to receive empathy, to get help. If I can help in anyway I can, but I am poor for now, have no transport about to lose my children so cannot do much in the short term. But if I can help in raising awareness, I will.”
“I am in full support of your cause. Keep up the good work. xox”
Paul Kenna, Family Law and Intervention Order Barrister and Solicitor, Kenna Law Barristers & Solicitors / Mediation Institute
“As a family law & intervention order barrister & solicitor I find the current spin that family violence is a women's issue all wrong. I continue to have male clients who are victims of Domestic Violence. As managing director of a training company training Graduate Cert in Family Dispute Resolution I'm keen not to perpetuate the biased approach that my competitors peddle.
I'm very interested in your work. Unfortunately too many in the 'mens rights' movement are so rar off the planet in fighting their cause it is refreshing to see a middle ground.”
“Not only is the statistical data alarming - I for one believe Westernised society has cultivated a culture that trivialises, minimises and marginalises men’s issues. We as a society are conditioned to be attentive to females’ emotional and mental wellbeing while neglecting that males require the same awareness and support.”
“As a former police officer I was already aware that a significant proportion of domestic violence was against men and that in many cases the male and female domestic partners perpetrated domestic violence against each other. I also often observed the lack of regard shown by police officers for male victims of domestic violence. I was looking for hard data on rates of domestic violence against men for research I am doing and was pleased to find your site. I full support the prevention of domestic violence (and indeed all forms of violence) against all humans regardless of the gender of the perpetrator or the victim. I am troubled by how often problems that impact both genders are painted in the mass media and public consciousness as gender issues, impacting only one gender.”
“I believe in equality and that everyone should have a fair go and a voice. I am a survivor of abuse and know the hardships from both sides as my brother is a victim of spousal abuse. I do not condone violence of any type and support the One in Three Campaign.”
“Thank you for providing a voice of reason.”
“A big 'Thank you' to all the people who started this campaign. I waited for this for 23 years. It is too late for me, for my first born son (he turned to drugs and died of suicide), and probably for my second son who helps himself with drugs too. But there is my third son, now 3 years old, from the second marriage, and there are many other young boys in Australia for whom this action might bring better chances in case they were involved in the family violence as victims.”
“I agree to all the testimonies here but in my case is more mental issues. I think its about time to review the law where the kids will end up.”
“I have been a victim of DV by my wife.”
“It's about time that domestic violence was seen with a more balanced view.”
“About time! I thought I would never see the day male victims were recognised.”
“It is so sad to hear that in this day and age, that gender discrimination still exists. Especially since this inequality is one of such that receives very little attention by the public, of which many members blatantly refuse to believe it exists. It is inspiring to see this campaign being formed to raise this issue, and I really hope to see it expand to a global scale.”
“I am a genuinely concerned business owner looking to promote awareness for violence against men. In having seen snap shots at the cold face within the mining industry and having seen the impact, self harm and loss of a fellow worker who had taken his life due to mental abuse. Abuse comes in different forms for men and have seen my fair share over the years within the construction industry.”
Miss Jessalea Williams, Violence Against Men NSW (Facebook Page)
“ I'm a 20 year old woman from NSW who has seen enough of violence against men. I am trying to form a campaign of my own and I came across yours. I am very supportive of what you are doing and hope we can make a difference. Please take this as far as you can. Men should have a day of awareness for them as well. Men are the reason this economy is still standing. I know I am a woman, and I am saying all this about myself. But if I can give up my rights, to let an innocent man who doesn't get recognised as the victim a voice against an indecent women, who is in the wrong, yet still gets away with everything, then there must be more then just me in Australia that feels the same way. I would love to one day become as big as your team has gotten, but as long as we are all in it for the same thing then we're all helping.”
“ I fully support the 1 in 3 initiative, and the assistance it provides to male victims of female violence. My research on mothers abusing their sons suggests this field is very underreported - I encourage men and boys to speak out, and use this excellent website to assist them through their experiences of abuse.”
“I live in central Queensland and would love to help out in any way possible... I have many friends (males) that suffer in silence from domestic violence and abuse because society doesn't accept it as an issue and there is nobody to help them!”
“The fact that so many people ignore this issue disgusts me. I intend to use the resources from this site to provide information to my peers and teachers at my school. Thank you.”
“We hear a lot about violence against women, but hardly ever hear about violence against men. It's time there's a bit more coverage of the topic, in my opinion.”
“ I have tried several times to write my story for you on this site. I'm sorry I can't. I so wish I could. My full support.”
“I am looking to increase awareness of violence toward men in the community and I am looking for assistance for ideas or things that are already organised that I can support. There are so many days and events for women and children but not enough for men. I am also wanting to include the emotional abuse associated with the woman withholding visitation of children without good reason and no other reason but to hurt the other party. I have seen some horrific false accusations women will make and the effect this has. The men I know personally and clients have told me that very few men will stand up and say it happened to me but organising a day of awareness would be supported by all men, e.g. White Ribbon Day, etc. Thanks.”
“Thankyou for getting the message out there. It's an important and much needed one to address the bias and easily manipulated perception that women are the 'only' victims of domestic violence. Many beautiful and charismatic women are narcissistic monsters who destroy lives.”
“The system is long overdue for an overhaul. The non profit organisation I work for gets frequent calls from male victims needing help. Unfortunately there are no services except phone lines in SA so we have our hands tied. I feel that statistics can only be a number as many are unreported so the actual figure is most likely to be much higher and probably equal to that of female victims. Some females I work with are definately more abusive and aggressive and often use mental and emotional abuse as a more effective option when strength isn't an option. They are also very good at looking innocent and playing the system when it comes to police or courts. More worryingly is the fact that this is beginning from teenage years, with adolescent girls playing mind games with boyfriends.
I have wanted to do something about this for some time now but have been unable to find many links. I will help in any way I can.”
“This is an excellent cause and an issue that I continue to struggle with. Stay strong gents.”
“I am a male and a victim of domestic violence. I don't know what to do and where to get help.”
“Female abuse against males is very REAL... It is ridiculously not understood and swept under the carpet... Abuse is abuse!”
“Some of the saddest cases I have attended have involved male victims of domestic violence and most victims of violence that I see are male. I think violence against female or male, young or old is a scourge that should be wholeheartedly addressed. Unfortunately, the way that the issue is currently being addressed is by characterising it as exclusively a problem of male perpetrators and female and child victims. I think this reflects a conscious and unconscious cheapening of the seriousness of violence against males, which I think is neatly captured in the mindlessly repeated phrase in news reports of mass violence against groups of people - “including the women and children...” - as if it doesn't matter about the men that were also killed. Good luck with the campaign!”
“I work in an industry whereby I speak to too many males affected by DV, including my very own son. I can not comprehend how women can systematically emasculate and destroy a man's personality and manhood by such controlling brainwashing and abusive actions both physically and emotionally, to then turn it all around back onto the man as his own fault and therefore, responsibility to face up to. Indeed I will support your cause because I do believe that yes, it goes both ways, not just privy to females. I am a victim of domestic violence all my life, however I can not morally stand by and witness, work with, the injustices and inequity of these presented cases anymore, I have a duty of care that I take on board seriously.”
“ I have had many male clients who have felt unable to tell anyone about their experiences for fear of not being believed or being laughed at.”
“The double standard towards the domestic violence issue is deplorable. I fear the situation can only get worse as film and television are being saturated with female violence on men and often seen as a big joke. As long as the violence issue is presented as a female problem with lip service to the male victims the violence problem will continue to escalate. No good can come from the flagrant double standard that now exists and one has to wonder who and what is behind such a one eyed view in our society. Your organisation is to be applauded and I look forward to wider coverage of this problem in the media.”
“I have become very interested in this area. I have witnessed over many years some very bad behaviours by females to men in the areas of emotional abuse, physical violence, alienating children from their fathers and using them as blackmail to get what they want, undiagnosed mental health challenges, insecurities, over use of prescription drugs (i.e. antidepressants) that cause unrealistic ideologies, unreal expectations, false and exaggerated fear, AVO's etc. I have known many males to have their whole reason for existence destroyed that has resulted in unemployment, addictions, homelessness, depression and suicide. Many years ago I wanted to develop a life strategy farm that taught many areas of coping strategies, conflict resolution, intimacy, life skills, communication skills etc and would love to see some models that really concentrate on the preventative model not just trying to address the areas once all the damage has been done.”
“I came across the 1 in 3 website today. Thank goodness! I and my children have been the victim of family violence at the hands of my now former spouse and children's mother for the past 11 years and counting. I am again today entering the Family Court (unrepresented of course) while the mother seeks a family court order to override the VRO that now protects me. I am so encouraged to see women speaking up for this side of the family violence issue. We need you. And vice versa.”
“I watched a kind, intelligent, funny devoted family man who happens to be my brother morph into a serious, isolated depleted human being who was eventually cut off from all of his birth family. Sadly only one example of men I have loved that have been victims of DV. This space where men are abused must be heard and all of us who are part of the caring professions must be accountable for speaking about this silent epidemic.”
Miss Rita Iagoe, Dispute Resolution Practitioner/Psychotherapist, Western Mediation & Counselling Services
“I work with men on a daily basis who have described abusive behaviour by their ex partners/wives and believe that DV is a two way street.”
“I am a victim / survivor, and now a thriver of Childhood Sexual Abuse (CSA) including mother CSA. My anecdotal advice is 1 in 25 men are victims of mother CSA. I am pleased that this is being researched. I know how shameful (misappropriated shame) this is and the ramifications of that abuse can be until emotional recovery can take place. All those suffering please note with the right treatment you will recover.”
“As someone who experienced family and intimate partner violence, I want to lend my voice and be proactive in reaching out to help others avoiding the debilitating effects that all forms of abuse can impact on all victims, regardless of gender, ethnicity and age group. I want to learn more about finding out the actual facts on family violence in order to tackle the core roots of the problem. I sincerely wish that no one else have to go through the pain and suffering caused by abuse and somehow stop the vicious cycle, or at least bring out proper change in society's stance. One of the worst things that comes from abuse is when it's projected in the victim's behaviour and attitude, they themselves can end up inflicting similar abuse towards someone close to them without realising it. I always figured that there must be male victims of abuse, but the media and government tended to solely focus on women and sometimes children of family violence, that the messages of ‘men are responsible for violence’ keep being perpetuated even to this day. It needs to change.”
Mark Rosenthal, RADAR (Respecting Accuracy in Domestic Abuse Reporting), USA:
“The first serious research into family violence was the 1975 U.S. National Family Violence Survey funded by the U.S. National Institute of Health and conducted by sociologists Murray Straus, Suzanne Steinmetz, and Richard Gelles. The researchers expected to find that partner violence was overwhelmingly male-on-female violence, but their data showed that assumption to be wrong. When they presented their research findings at a conference, the data was so unwelcome that they were nearly hooted and booed from the stage. In the three decades since then, the media has kept the public ignorant of objective research into family violence, and instead presented a biased portrayal of the issue. Domestic violence is a human problem, not a gendered problem. A fair and just society would see to it that all victims are treated with compassion. R.A.D.A.R. - Respecting Accuracy in Domestic Abuse Reporting - is a non-profit, non-partisan organisation of men and women working to improve the effectiveness of the approach to solving domestic violence.”
She reduced me to a state of total powerlessness. I couldn't function as a husband, as a father. I did everything she wanted and got abused for it. The more I gave in to her the more she destroyed me. I became like a little man just towing the line. I had to ask permission to go and see a friend. I was just her slave in the relationship. Nigel
Harry Crouch, National Coalition For Men, USA:
“There is a large body of research from Westernised countries that show more than one in three victims of intimate partner violence are men. Emerging research is beginning to establish that in some countries men are substantially more likely to be abused by a woman than a woman by a man. Regardless, the number of men abused by women is huge. Such abuse is not gender-specific. Why then are there so few or no related services for men? Why do so few fathers and mothers defend their sons? Why do civilised societies punish men for things they have not done while at the same time send them to die or be seriously injured in war? How is it we so easily abuse, shame, and accuse our sons and then disenfranchise them as adults for being violent? How convoluted is it then that we blame female violence on men and grant women excuse after excuse for their violence?”
Gordon E. Finley, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology, Florida International University, USA:
“‘Silent Victims No More’ easily could be one theme for the One in Three Campaign. There is nothing inherent to being a boy or man that requires us silently to accept violence (physical, sexual, or emotional) from girls and women. The data in the United States clearly indicate that males and females initiate domestic violence at approximately equal rates with a very disturbing trend in some recent studies suggesting increasing initiation rates by girls and women. A Campaign whose time has come.”
Thomas Golden, author, “Swallowed by a Snake: The Gift of the Masculine Side of Healing”, USA:
“I have worked as a psychotherapist with traumatised men for over 30 years. About 10 years ago I became aware that men were indeed victims of domestic violence and were often put into very difficult positions of having to protect themselves and their children from harm. I was shocked at the time to realize that there was no place for these men to go to get help. I started contacting legislators, domestic violence agencies and anyone else who might listen. I was amazed at the lack of concern for these men. The domestic violence treatment centers were obviously built for female victims and it didn't take much investigation to find that they also held men accountable for the origins of domestic violence. Not ‘some men’ who are out of control for some reason or another but rather ‘men in general’ or even masculinity itself. This sort of assumption has short-circuited men from getting help in the present system. How can one have compassion for those who, according to the theoretical model, deserve the blame for the problem itself? You can't. Our system of domestic violence is long overdue to be completely re-organised to have compassion for both male and female victims. Thank you for your web site and your concern for male victims of domestic violence.”
“As a society we will never eliminate family violence until we include men's experience of violence alongside women's and children's”
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She would kick me in the genital area, she'd bite me on the shoulders and scratch my face and neck. She'd threaten to kill herself if I didn't give her the gambling money. Then she'd threaten to kill our son. In the middle of her screaming fits she would tell me and my son that I wasn't his father, even though we both knew he was. Raymond