TELL YOUR STORY

If you are a male victim of family violence - domestic violence, violence from other family members, child abuse, elder abuse, sexual assault, or other forms of family violence and abuse - this page is available for you to tell your anonymous story. Please click here to tell your own story. If you feel like you need support, please click here. Stories are moderated to prevent the posting of spam, so it might take a little while for your story to appear on this page.

PERSONAL STORIES FROM MALE VICTIMS OF FAMILY VIOLENCE AND ABUSE

Sunday
Jul162017

Paul's personal story

My experience is not unlike so many others on here. For 8 years I was physically, emotionally and financially abused by my ex-partner. She was a police officer and this made it impossible to get anything done about her abuse. Even making a complaint to the local command resulted in being told by an inspector to call 000 if it happened again as reporting it would result in her dismissal. Another member of the local Family Violence Unit even stated that no copper would believe me as she was 5'2" and I was 6' so how could she possibly be able to assault me.

Eventually we separated after I found her having an affair with a work colleague. She then went to her work station and had a IVO taken out against me as she was “in fear” that I would do something. No evidence whatsoever. Her best friend at the station took out the order and I was not even consulted nor had the opportunity to voice my side of the story. Fortunately I had a investment property to reside at and was actually glad it was all over (I thought) and I could move on. I was then banned from my own house for 18 months until settlement was finally completed.

After settlement I went to the house only for her and her partner to turn up and abuse me. The male walked straight into the house and king hit me while I was sitting down and then had the crap kicked out of me by my ex while the male held me down in a choker hold. I passed out several times and was so relieved when the police, who I had called finally arrived. Unfortunately they were from their police station so believed them when they stated that I was the offender and breaching the IVO and I was handcuffed and arrested. Fortunately I had paper work to prove I was the owner and they were the trespassers so was released and they were arrested and charged.

An internal investigation has since discovered some of the other activities she was up to and lies she had told and was forced to resign 3 days before pleading guilty to charges in the magistrates court. The story has so much more involved. I have been arrested 7 times and held in custody for 21 hours for allegedly breaching the IVO but always exonerated. Her abuse of the family violence order continues as she knows she will never be prosecuted for making false allegations. Have even had police officers admit they know there has been no offence committed but have to follow “procedures”.

I supplied the police with photographic evidence of some of the assaults that occurred on me over the years but she was never prosecuted. Imagine the actions taken if a female was bashed over the head with a piece of floor board and knocked unconscious and left with injuries all down her face. After the assault on me the police Professional Standards Command applied for a IVO against them on my behalf and 15 months later no IVO has been granted by the magistrate, fortunately an interim order was put in place. I totally believe women need a great deal of protection from violent men and should have all the assistance they can get to be made feel safe. But there must be greater checks and balances in the process to avoid the exploitation of the domestic violence act by vengeful females.

Friday
Jul142017

David's personal story

I met someone when I was about 19. I had poor self-esteem for a number of reasons. I was bullied at school and had parents that set high standards. Failure was a constant fear in my life.

The person I met spoke to me and said she understood me. A friendship grew into something more.

There were times I had doubts, little “crossroad” moments, like the time she took a kitchen knife to a book I was reading. Or her propensity to go from calm to white hot anger in a second. That white hot anger was usually accompanied by some physical violence which at best was a slap, at worst she would grab my genitals.

Then there were the put-downs, nothing was ever quite good enough and any ideas would be scrutinised by her and her family before I would be told, no, bad idea.

But there were good things too, enough for me to agree to move in after about 18 months or so.

Like others, I experienced the slow alienation from friends and family. Then the slow alienation from who I was and what I believed in. I was labelled an emotional retard and told how a normal person would react to things and how different that was to me.

I would find myself thinking, “what am I doing this for?” Or worse, “why bother going on if this is as good as it gets.”

I hated myself for a host of surface reasons.

All this was my problem. I could never be happy. I had issues.

Then after a particularly bad phase, I was referred to a psychologist. This helped me gain a great deal of clarity and also to believe that what I was experiencing and what I felt was as real as any other person. Deep down, I hated myself for not being true to who I was, and so it was time to stop being a cardboard cut-out and become real again.

I came to realise that the way I was being treated wasn't right and that either that had to change or I would have to leave. In the end it was the latter. Since then it has been a roller coaster. What I can say to people in what was my situation is that it gets better, a whole lot better. Sure there are bad days, but I am a totally different person to who I was in that emotionally and physically abusive relationship. I love my life now and I love who I have become in that life.

Monday
Jul102017

Craig's personal story

I had a story to tell once. The police didn't listen, they wanted evidence, my wife didn't need evidence just reasonable probability... 'it probably happened' WTF. Registrars don't want to listen, magistrates don't want to listen, prosecutors don't want to listen, even legal aid will help mount a defence because they want me to plea bargain (for want of a better term). It's CHEAPER... what price do you put in a good man's sanity?

1st IVO came the day my inheritance came in... she stole it... then set me up to breach, no one cares. Second IVO came just last week a day after I told her I would be asking for 50/50 care of the kids. No one cares. So now my ex has 2 IVOs. NO evidence has been produced for ANY of the claims made... and a breach. Meanwhile my children are without their father, are going to grow up thinking I'm a loser... our relationship has already changed... I'm just someone they visit for a couple of hours a week. I love my children dearly... they have never, and will never be at risk of harm from me... NOW I CAN'T EVEN TALK TO THEM... no one cares.

What makes this an absolutely obscene situation is the fact that during our 15 yrs together I never laid a hand on her or the kids in anger. Sure the kids got a smack now and again... this only occurred after several warnings and an explanation of the reason... as was the way I was brought up by my step father. Se also taught me ‘there is NEVER a good enough reason to assault a woman or child in anger.' The killer here is that she was the one who was violent towards both myself and the children. I saw her on several occasions react with a back hand to the face of our daughter and call her a 'little c;$t’. These were always reactive and never measured or explained... the look of absolute bewilderment on my daughter's face will haunt me forever. She got so drunk one night that she nearly dropped her infant niece, our daughter. The same night on the way home she vomited over our daughter then proceeded to physically abuse me while I tried to clean it up. When we arrived home I received a flurry of abuse coupled with a good volley of punches to the face, all for trying to recover our daughter who had almost fallen out of my wife's arms because she passed out in the rocking chair.

BUT I'M THE ONE UNDER THE IVO AND I'M THE ONE THE KIDS NEED PROTECTING FROM.

I just need someone to take me seriously... because if they did they would see her lies as plain as day.

Friday
Jul072017

Anonymous personal story

I'm a Paedophile.

Well for all intents and purposes that's now who I am. My ex-wife had no qualms about flipping the abuse she heaped onto me during our relationship (and more) in her relentless bid to gain full custody of our daughter (700+ allegations of violence, abuse, etc). Does it matter if it's true or not? Not according to the court who told me (verbatim) “The truth is irrelevant, you're guilty because you are a man” (2013). Not according to my family either. and probably not according to you reader, I dare say you read my first sentence with the same disgust as I feel for myself every day.

I'm breaking court orders for just telling my story. I live in constant fear that the community will find out and they'll come after me. Others (also innocent) nearby men were murdered not long ago for the same thing. I can only imagine that sometime in the future someone is going to look back at the family tree and I'll be despised for even living. This is now my life legacy.

But you know what? I can't do anything about that, these are the cards I've been dealt. Paedophile I may now be, but one day my ex-wife will turn on our daughter just like she did to me and on that day (and every day) I will be there for our daughter. Always. I love you M.

Dad

Friday
Jun302017

John's personal story

Last year I broke up with my partner following our 3 year relationship from hell. But those three years were nothing compared to what happened next, ranging from dragging my name through the mud, making false accusations against me, threatening to kill our children, and parading her psychotic antics at every court I got dragged through. All of these things I had proof of as I recorded conversations of it but due to privacy laws it was worth its weight in s**t.

Due to her being psychotic I eventually got the kids placed into my care. But I was required to attend court about twice a month. As I work I'm not funded by legal aid as she was and at $1200 a hearing and 5 months later I was financially and emotionally destroyed. In comparison I felt like I just did five rounds in the octagon with Georges St-Pierre. I got my ass kicked at every turn.

Out of options and not knowing what to do I was desperate to come to a resolution. As my lawyer was asking for more money which I didn't have, I gave in to my ex. I fell for that “I miss you and our babies" sob story. “I have been seeing my psych and have been getting help,” “I promise I'll change and treat you better”. As it's not in my nature to be vindictive, revengeful or spiteful I set aside the fact that she tried to blackmail me into returning to her by threatening to have me charged with rape (which she actually tried to do, I recorded the conversation. It's the only reason why I'm not in jail. I got arrested over it). She even informed me that the longer I take to sort things out the harder she is going to financially ruin me.

I set aside the stalking and harassment she put me through. I didn't really have a choice as my expensive lawyer struggled with hers. I wasn't looking forward to self-representation. Anyway I returned to her and the crap has started again and I'm laying on the couch at 2:30am thinking about taking out a life insurance policy, leaving my kids as the beneficiaries and hanging myself as soon as possible cause I can't take this abuse no more and I'm too scared to ask the system for help as there is none for me, as I'm a man and men don't get abused - only woman can.

I understand some tragic and horrific things have happened to some women at the hands of their arsehole boyfriends. I know it's awful. It shouldn't happen and I feel their pain as I'm going through it too, but unlike them I don't get taken seriously, the help available for them isn't there for me. I speak out about the abuse and I get looked at like I'm a fool. Like it's not possible.

How can you say men can't be abused because they're stronger and able to protect themselves so they're not vulnerable. But completely ignore the fact if that's the case we become the abusers. There's no hope, no light and no way out. My heart goes out to you, all the men and woman and children out there going through this. I pray they find the strength each day to get through it. I know I'm struggling.