TELL YOUR STORY

If you are a male victim of family violence - domestic violence, violence from other family members, child abuse, elder abuse, sexual assault, or other forms of family violence and abuse - this page is available for you to tell your anonymous story. Please click here to tell your own story. If you feel like you need support, please click here. Stories are moderated to prevent the posting of spam, so it might take a little while for your story to appear on this page.

PERSONAL STORIES FROM MALE VICTIMS OF FAMILY VIOLENCE AND ABUSE

Friday
Jul132018

Kel's personal story

My story is sad and still ongoing. I met my wife 8 years ago, after meeting her family in the first week I should have realised something was wrong, but I stuck it out and the last 8 years have been permanently scarring. I'm a 6 foot 4 male and my 5 foot partner was a lot stronger than me even to the point that her favourite party trick was to carry me out of the pub. Over the years I saw and received all kinds of abuse, from her father physically assaulting her, to verbal abuse. In 8 years I have been assaulted, falsely imprisoned, put down and abused, and even got shot at.

My wife is a sweet girl but she was brought up in the underworld and her family are sick and twisted and sadly it rubbed off on her. In 2016 we were married, out of 60 people 4 were my own.... just 4 as I wasn't allowed to invite my kin. A few months later my wife fell pregnant and I thought things would change but they didn't. I told her I wanted to separate as I couldn't handle things anymore and I was scared for my daughter.

The end result was after 8 years of abuse my loving wife took it upon herself to go to the police and make a false statement of how abusive I was... I was arrested and as she made the first move and I'm male, they treated me very badly and I was instantly branded a woman-beater. Now I have an intervention order, charges, and I've lost my daughter. The stigma of men being the “culprits” is crap. I have physical and mental scars and still people assume it's always the man that's the aggressor. I'm too embarrassed and ashamed to tell the police and they don't believe me anyway. The idea of women only being able to be victims frustrates me.

Monday
Jul092018

Susan's personal story

After looking through the stories on here, I realise that I've got an oddity. I've got that more unusual story, but one that desperately, urgently needs telling.

My current partner is a loving, caring man, he's fantastically sensitive and funny, with a killer smile. He's also a large man, at 6'2" and (at the time) 120kg of muscle from working a physical job. So the story he recounted to me once really sticks with me, since it reminds me so very much of a classic case of abuse that would happen to women.

The story starts, proceeds and ends exactly as your stereotypical female-oriented story would. He had a few too many drinks, and was fooling around with his then-girlfriend. Things began to get intimate, but he realised then that he was making a mistake, and asked to stop. The girl didn't stop. He then asked again, more urgently. She replied that because he had an erection, he was clearly into it and secretly wanted it. He insisted that he didn't and tried to get away. But in his intoxicated state, he wasn't coordinated enough to get away, and was too proud to try and defend himself against her, lest he be painted the assailant. She proceeded to rape him.

After the event, he told nobody for a very long time, and it very much broke his spirit. It has been something that has needed to be carefully rekindled over time. He was terrified of going to the police for fear of being accused as the perpetrator, and didn't tell anybody else for fear of being shamed. This wasn't something that happened to men... was it? And yet, it sounds so beautifully framed as a female rape story that the case would have been completely black-and-white had the genders been reversed.

I'm still fighting for this. The conversation about violence against females is important and I do not wish to belittle it in any way, but the conversation about violence against men isn't even being had. Nobody, regardless of race, age, gender or beliefs, has the right to harm any other person. The arguments to protect victims need to include protection for all victims, which it currently does not.

Sunday
Jun172018

Tam's personal story

My youngest brother has a strong held belief that he shouldn't hit a woman... it was how he was raised, and in his eyes, one of the worst things that he could ever be accused of. He has now on two occasions been the subject of physical abuse by female partners (emotional abuse is another story to tell). The first time he left the relationship, but the sad truth is, the second time he defended himself. He bit her on the leg. The police were called. He tried to tell the police officer that she attacked him (the bruise around his throat in the shape of finger marks that came out within hours was horrible) but the police officer's response, when my brother asked "what rights do men have?" was "you should have walked away". Even to go to the police days later, they didn't want to listen.

Needless to say, in the day and age of Facebook, my brother's photo was posted with a "if you see him, bash him for bashing her" vibe... the threat of defamation meant an "assault causing grievous bodily harm" route was taken. But we are still dealing with it and can only rely on a justice system that isn't always fair to be fair this time. As a woman, I am friggin angry that it is females like her that abuse a system designed to help and protect, and it appears, only designed to protect females. But my anger over how men have to deal with abuse with so little support, even from the police, I can't even describe! How do you get the message out that men can be victims too? How do we make it fair? How do you make a stand? I only hope that other male victims of violence by women have a loving and supportive family to fall back on!

Monday
Jun112018

Tony's personal story

I was in a relationship for approximately 3 years and whilst initially the time was fun however the day following an elaborate commitment ceremony the real inner beast of my female partner appeared. She was no longer fun to be around and through the foggy glasses I was wearing until that time I realised she was an alcoholic, control freak with severe mental problems, financially controlling me with my own money and the worst had become apparent, she had cut me off from my family.

Prior to our meeting I had suffered a stroke so her initial modus operandi was to punch me in the back of of my head. She had also manipulated me to the extent I had sold all my furniture, continued rolling over new cars into even newer cars, purchase expensive and lavish furnishings for ourselves and her aged parents and a car for one of her daughters. She then began to destruct all the remaining furnishings I had, the head punches became face punches, scratches and bites. I would barricade myself in the second bedroom, place the computer desk against the inside door to give me protection only for her to prise the door open, push the computer desk aside and the bashes would commence, with foul language and threats.

It was not until the police attended the 4th or 5th occassion and pleaded I support their AVO application I realised my only way to escape that life. As a result of the AVO she was placed on a good behaviour bond with community hours however within 2 weeks she had breached that AVO and after it became known she had consumed 3 bottles of wine she proceeded to destruct more of my furnishings then when I rejected her sexual advances she began punching me in the face and then held a knife to my face.

During a struggle she bit into my wrist and despite my requests to let go I snapped and punched her in the face. Police were called, I was made to be the cause however she was charged with breaching the AVO and released on extended good behaviour bond with additional orders. Finally I was rid of that woman, and her abuse and lucky enough to have moved on and married to the most beautiful woman in the world. Good has come from evil, I have found my soulmate and that part of my life is now distant.

Friday
Jun082018

Craig's personal story

I think men should be told the truth about the family court right from the start. That truth being that the court will never rule in favour of shared parenting 50/50 if there is no ‘co-parenting relationship’.

People within the court system informed me and my abuser of this fact. My abuser must have already known this because for 2 years we had been having a 50/50 shared care arrangement, however for the 12 months leading up to her ‘withholding’ the children, she disengaged and would not communicate with me about anything. I would send regular email updates - doing my bit of the ‘co-parenting’. When she was ready she just withheld the children. Then with a few lies and eyelid flutters, she successfully ripped the children's and my life apart.

I had 50/50 from when the youngest was 7 months old to just over 3 years of age - then wallop - only every second weekend. She gets rewarded for her bad behaviour by getting a pay-rise. I am crushed emotionally and financially. I've gone from being a happy and functioning father who was also modelling a work ethic, to a shell of a broken man. People say ‘just get over it’. Yeah right.

The so-called ‘family consultants’ within the court system are a disgrace and should be sacked for their bias. I believe many of them would have blood on their hands. When I see adverts/posters around the place that champion the importance of fathers I feel sick to my core knowing that fathers are not valued at all.

I told my story to who ever would listen. Backing up my claims with hard evidence of my abusers behaviour towards me and the children. My abuser just made sweeping claims that were lies and of course could never be substantiated. My story (and that of my children's) was just swept off the table. NO ONE CARED! Now my children are primarily living with a person who has a significant and profound mental health affliction. My children are showing signs of separation anxiety and I am broken.

The agenda outweighs the logic. Its all about the women/mothers getting everything and who cares what happens to the fathers and children. I know if I kept on trying all that would happen is that I would become homeless through wasting what I have left on a futile battle against a monster who is supported by the state in her abuse.

To all you guys out there - give up now and walk away before its too late. The lawyers work out between them how much money you have and then tailor their program to what they think they can siphon from your veins. If you have sons, please advise them against ever having children.