TELL YOUR STORY

If you are a male victim of family violence - domestic violence, violence from other family members, child abuse, elder abuse, sexual assault, or other forms of family violence and abuse - this page is available for you to tell your anonymous story. Please click here to tell your own story. If you feel like you need support, please click here. Stories are moderated to prevent the posting of spam, so it might take a little while for your story to appear on this page.

PERSONAL STORIES FROM MALE VICTIMS OF FAMILY VIOLENCE AND ABUSE

Wednesday
Dec262012

Michael

I'm currently working in Mental Health and have a degree in Psychology. I too have been the victim of domestic violence. In short I have had contact with DV Connect (QLD) who asked me, "what did you do to deserve that" and "are you scary to look at". I've also been in court defending an AVO unfounded, though when my ex-partner admitted to punching me, breaking a plate over my head and throwing full cans of drink at my head the magistrate suggested, "ohh she wont do that again you have separated". We have a 10 month old son that I need to pick up 3 times a week.......total cost in court $5000. I've also had the QLD Police Service tell me to "grow some balls" when asking for help to collect my son. Family Relationship Centres also have not one brochure that is available for men suffering Domestic Violence.

Just as a side note I issued a DVO on my ex partner for various physical assaults etc and the constant emotional and psychological abuse. She is now suggesting that I can only access my son if I come to the door alone, even after her initial DVO stating that I was controlling, jealous abusive and she felt threatened by me. The outcome is that the temporary order I sought was rejected as the magistrate believes it was not necessary that we meet in a public place so as to facilitate handover. Hoping that someone will see some sense and the truth will come out. So at this stage I'm now left with the option of going to the front door alone and risking another barrage of abuse or as she has done previously issue another DVO on me, or not seeing my little boy.

Wednesday
Dec262012

Anonymous

I'm a victim of D.V and also immigration fraud. I married a violent and abusive woman overseas. She was a con artist and had done a good research about Temporary Partner Visa in Australian immigration law which says one of the provisions when the relationship has broken down during the 2 years temporary visa is being a victim of D.V. When she arrived to Australia, it only took 3 months for me to find out she has just used me to move to Australia and she hates me. When I decided to divorce her, she was already aware that she has to leave Australia in 28 days as the visa sponsor has withdrawn his sponsorship. She started a disgusting game, false allegations of D.V and even rape for staying in Australia!! She went to police and lied to them and you know the rest of story, full support of police and authority, free legal aid etc. While I was the victim of D.V, while I am an Australian citizen and the police and authorities income is from the tax I pay and she is a foreigner, she had everything for free and I was financially harassed by them. She physically, emotionally, financially and psychologically abused me.

I wrote a letter to the minister for immigration and citizenship and as you can guess, the answer was blah blah blah, all bull****. Please let the other men know how the law is anti-men.

Wednesday
Nov282012

David

My previous relationship was extremely violent. She hit me with objects particularly whilst I was asleep. On too many a frequent occasion I woke up to be hit with objects ranging from brooms to pots and tools. On one particular occasion I woke up to the sound of a belt sander that was only inches from my face.

I was evidently unhappy and scared for my safety in this relationship with my ex-girlfriend. She picked up this notion and threatened to kill me and herself if I were to leave her. One evening whilst driving home from a friends place she grabbed the steering wheel and directed the car into oncoming traffic. It was at this point I began taking the steps to leave.

I was staying at a friends place. After I had left her when the worst incident occurred. I woke to her in the house and myself on fire. She had poured kerosene on me and lit me alight. I suffered third degree burns to my face and chest, second degree burns to my genitals and hands. It has required many surgeries to regain mobility and function as well as looking remotely human again. I obviously pressed charges.

During this time I was myself charged with Assault and Rape. She had falsely accused me of unthinkable acts in an attempt to either reduce her sentence or get off completely and hurt me more. I was fortunate that many of my female friends that were friends with her during our relationship managed to get her to admit to the false allegations and testified in court.

When the case was completed she received a commuted sentence. Which means that in 5 months time, she has completely ruined my life, disfigured me and destroyed me as a man, and gotten away with it.

Wednesday
Sep192012

Jonathan

My father started raping me when I was 4 years old. I remember having a nightmare one night and asked to sleep with daddy. I was beyond scared. This is where the molestation began. Dad anally raped me and that was only the beginning of 17 years of sexual abuse and rape. Several other people started to rape me when I started kindergarten. I started at that age to get horrible bruises because the rape was so brutal. My father said I looked so sexy covered from head to toe in bruises and that made him more violent with me. I spent most of my childhood suicidal and wanted to end it all. But in reality all I really wanted to have end was my rape.

I hit puberty when I was 9 years old and that excited my father to no end. He became more brutal with me than before. The only reason why I cooperated and kept going back was to stay alive. During the times I was suicidal, my molesters decided to threaten to kill my family instead of me. It was a constant battle every day of my childhood. Every day for 17 years I was molested. I wished I were an ugly child so no one would want me anymore. I even attempted to cut off my penis once. I thought if I got rid of it then they wouldn't want me anymore. The razorblade just hurt too much and forced me to stop hurting myself.

I started drinking when I was 16 years old. I slept with men for beer money. I would always get drunk. Now I'm trying to clean up my life, break away from the alcohol addiction and come to terms with my abuse. But it's not easy to come to terms with 17 years of child sexual abuse. But I am in therapy and really feel so much trust with my therapist.

Monday
Aug132012

Paul

Today I revisited a chapter in my relationship with my fiancé where she became physically abusive. After some petty argument, I've had my throat jabbed and choked, my testicles hit, smacked in the head and kicked in the shins, amongst other things. Due to fear of damaging the relationship I'm dependant on, I am reluctant to proceed to take further action to rectify the problem. On confrontation, her liability for such a thing is denied and I fear that I will not be able to resolve this issue in my relationship. I have been warned to be careful, because she might get me into trouble with untrue allegations and will be favoured for being female, especially if she shows her emotions.

I have further looked into victims of domestic abuse, and I find that I can relate to a lot of the emotional abuse as well, being degraded in a way that undermines my confidence and self value.

I am so angered by government campaigns that borderline on misandry, depicting men as violent victimisers and women as the only victims. I am angered by these stereotypes, where men are depicted as abusive, unfaithful and/or immoral partners. A long time ago I realised that there is no such thing as a bad gender, only bad people.