TELL YOUR STORY

If you are a male victim of family violence - domestic violence, violence from other family members, child abuse, elder abuse, sexual assault, or other forms of family violence and abuse - this page is available for you to tell your anonymous story. Please click here to tell your own story. If you feel like you need support, please click here. Stories are moderated to prevent the posting of spam, so it might take a little while for your story to appear on this page.

PERSONAL STORIES FROM MALE VICTIMS OF FAMILY VIOLENCE AND ABUSE

Thursday
Dec192013

Ron

After getting married in 2004 and then having 2 lovely children in 2005 and 2007 my wife decided to separate in January 2009.

After a relatively calm 2009, she started putting VRO's on me in November 2009, I fought all of them and they were only for alleged driving past her house. However when I tried to bring up the fact that I was receiving private number hang up calls which i believed were coming from her at the VRO hearings I was told no, not allowed. At the time of the alleged drive by's of her house I was living over 50km away from her all of which was through city traffic. One of the VRO's was voluntary withdrawn when I threatened to go to the Family Court. The next was transferred to the Family Court. The next VRO was fought in the Magistrates court and again I brought up her deliberately driving away from her home after leaving the Family Court and driving slowly in front of me down as low as 60km on a freeway. I have photos of  all of this. But again to no avail in the Magistrates court after all of the arguments the Magistrate eventually granted a 1 year VRO of 200mtrs from her house, no other penalty, In response I asked it to be increased to 20km and 20 years as I didn't ever want to see or talk to her again. This is all on transcript, I can prove all of what I say.

She next placed Caveats on all of my properties.

Next in the Family Court, i asked for the caveats to be discussed, twice I asked for the caveats to be discussed and was ignored both times by Magistrate Stewart.

Next I asked for subpoenas' on the booking agents that booked our 3 motel units, she told the booking agents that I wasn't an authorised person, Magistrate Stewart again made me ask 3 times for 1 subpoena against 1 booking agent, there are approx. 10 booking agents. In the mean time she asks once for subpoenas against all of my bank accounts and is granted it, nothing untoward is found. Magistrate Stewart later grants the same subpoena again a year later with the same result, nothing untoward is found. At the same time im now renting a room in a different location approx. 60km away from her and she names this address in the Family Court. I bring this up and it gets ignored just like everything else. By now the properties are being repossed by the banks as no payments have been made since may 2009. Including my place of work which I owned in my name, a small computer shop, the Family court gives her the right to sell it, and so even though I am legally entitled to a reasonably amount of time to packup and remove my belongings she turns up and enters my shop with her very hefty nephew  and threatens me, I call the police who tell her to go away but also tell me to stop making trouble. I didn't cause any of this because if the caveats had've been discussed earlier then it wouldn't have happened.

To this day I've not been interviewed by the Police about any of her allegations.

To this day the Family Court has not imposed any penalities.

I've now not had any form of contact with my children since may 2010.

Because of whats happened I will not have contact without a court order to protect me.

I've again applied for contact with my children on August 5 2013. No decision has been made.

All that's happened is that 2 thriving small business and nine properties have been destroyed and lost and im now renting a room and am on the dole.

All thats happened is that I've been removed from my role as a parent. 

Ive now won 4 SSAT hearings in regards child support. The last hearing she refused to even attend and refused to supply documents even under the order of the SSAT.

All evidence now points to her lying continuously in both courts but of course there is no "oh sorry we got it wrong lets do it again" and me not being able to have my say. I will be presenting my case to the "Panel to judge the Judges" which is being setup in WA.

I regard all of what ive gone through as violence against me in particular and men in general by her and her family, by both the Family Court of Western Australia and the Fremantle Magistrates Court.

When ex prime minister Gillard started the child abuse inquiry I thought great ill get my chance to tell my story, but alass no once again, its only about physical abuse not mental abuse which is what my children and I have and now are suffering and will continue to suffer.

I ask the question "Does miss Gillard condone emotional and physiological abuse of children (and men)?" because it certainly seems that way.

I now have problems with trust in regards women, I now have emotional and physiological scars and stress issues, i now regularly get chest pains when stressed.

There is much, much more, this is only a précis of 4 years of hell.

Monday
Aug052013

Meg

As a female who has been abused by both males and females I feel the need to apologise to all of you who have experienced such grave miscarriages of justice. Society should be doing better, and our support services need to really take a close look at what is allowing them to continue discriminating against males in terms of the supports offered - counselling, housing, etc.

I know of a male who was asked to give the children back to the mother as he wouldn't qualify for housing and if he applied for it he would be considered unsuitable. The mother was beating HIM AND the children and yet child protection felt the best place for the children was with the mother. They told the father that if he did a runner with the kids that it would look bad in court.

When I made the change from Teaching to Welfare, I had a furious argument with my lecturer who tried to convince me that all victims are female. That was when I knew there was a problem with the system. I knew this was not true as I'd seen my father being consistently overpowered by my mother to the point that when he left her she screamed down the phone at him when he was at work and he returned but the abuse continued. My mother and brother perpetuated the cycle of abuse - hers was against myself and my father, my brothers was against the rest of the family. The police had to pretend to arrest me for questioning to get me out of the house and away from my mother.

So I knew the lecturer was wrong. I became so incensed with proving this woman wrong I started ringing and challenging my local hospitals, local police station and what consistently came back was 'we don't know the statistics on male victims.' 'they rarely admit it and when they do they are talked out of it by their mates' etc. It was saddening. I then dug deeper. There are NO men's refuge shelters that allow children and the reason given is that it's because of perpetrators also going to refuges. There are things that can and should be done.

Why should men have to leave their children behind? Why should't the women be the ones who have to leave - regardless of gender, the perpetrator should be the one who leaves and an automatic retraining order needs to be put in place regardless of opinions of the powers that be.

I live in East Gippsland (Bairnsdale) and I am going to be joining forces with some local welfare agencies as well as people in the community who are interested and we WILL start doing something about raising awareness to the issues at hand.

But as I have said, in the meantime, please, even though I know I was not your perpetrator/abuser, I do want to say I am sorry for what you have been through, what you are going through and what you may go through in future.

Monday
Aug052013

Anonymous

I am a (male) victim of domestic violence - I was frequently verbally abused, punched, kicked, and threatened with a knife while living separated under one roof over a sustained 8 month period by my ex-wife while we fought legally over childrens orders and property orders. I have also suffered legal/administrative abuse inflicted by my ex-wife where, through the workings of the Family Court, she attempted to deny me access to my children.

My ex-wife has admitted in writing to physically abusing me (and even once apologised, in writing), I reported this violence to the Police along with this evidence, to DoCS and to the Family Court, and asked to have her formally charged. I also filed a Form 4 notice of Child Abuse with the Family Court detailing the abuse my ex-wife perpetrated against me, sometimes in the presence of our two children.

Not only was my ex-wife not charged (the Police who I reported the abuse to laughed openly in my face), but the social workers appointed by the Family Court erroneously assumed that the violence being reported through the Family Court proceedings was being perpetrated by me, simply on the basis of my gender. When I pointed out their error, unbelievably the social workers refused to update their reports! These reports were never updated and remain today on file, erroneously listing me as the perpetrator of family violence, even though I was not, and even though my ex-wife has never made any such allegations.

During this same period, my ex-wife did however make false allegations that I had sexually abused our two children. The initial DoCS investigation of these allegations produced reports which magnified the allegations in every dimension well beyond what my ex-wife had originally alleged.

During our Family Court hearing, upon learning that the violence was perpetrated by my ex-wife (and not by me, as the court reports erroneously indicated) the Judge ruled that the existence of domestic abuse would not play a part in determining the outcome of our children's orders hearing.

Also, during these Court Hearings, my ex-wife formally dropped all her allegations of sexual impropriety against me, saying that no such abuse was alleged to have occurred after all, leaving the inescapable logical conclusion that she had knowingly fabricated these allegations from the beginning.

No penalty was applied to her by the Family Court system.

Tuesday
Jun252013

Sonia

My boyfriend has a friend who was casually seeing a girl when she accidentally became pregnant with his now 3-4 year old daughter. He stepped up and moved in with the girl to make a proper go at their relationship for the sake of the child. One afternoon when his daughter was still a baby he was meeting friends (including my boyfriend and I) for a few drinks to catch up. His (now ex) girlfriend showed up at the pub raging at him and proceeded to physically assault him, hitting him in the face and shoulders, while carrying their baby under her other arm. It was scary and I have no doubts that if she had been a man and he had been a woman the police may well have been called. Apparently the girl also woke my boyfriend's friend up one night holding a knife to his throat (unsubstantiated but believable given her violent behaviour in the pub). They have now separated as a result of her controlling behaviour and she has full custody of their daughter.

My boyfriend also dated a girl who in my opinion was emotionally and physically abusive. Among other things she would berate him if he was 5 minutes late for a date or answering a text message - to the point where when we started dating over two years ago my boyfriend would apologise profusely to me for taking 10 minutes to reply to a message, expecting me to go off at him! He also was not allowed to go out with his friends or spend a night apart from her. A couple of his other friends have had similar experiences dating certain girls.

Wednesday
May152013

Danny

In August of 2005, I was living in the sauna house while my ex-girlfriend and our daughter lived in the main house. On August 29th, my ex came to the sauna house to ask for a cigarette. As she left, she turned to me and said “Good-bye”. It struck me as odd. Good-bye? Not “good night”? I lay down on the bed to think about it. That’s when I smelled the smoke. Rushing to the door of the sauna house, I found it locked. I ran to the window, smashed it open and forced myself out. I suffered from minor burns and had a long cut down my arm. I managed to drag myself to the neighbours, trailing blood and asking that they check the house for fear the fire might have spread to the house and harmed my daughter.

Despite the fact that the fire was set intentionally, my ex managed a plea bargain and received a conditional sentence of two years less a day, with no jail time what-so-ever.

Now I am struggling to have custody of my daughter and I'm facing what seems like insurmountable resistance from the Children’s Aid Society of Ontario.