TELL YOUR STORY

If you are a male victim of family violence - domestic violence, violence from other family members, child abuse, elder abuse, sexual assault, or other forms of family violence and abuse - this page is available for you to tell your anonymous story. Please click here to tell your own story. If you feel like you need support, please click here. Stories are moderated to prevent the posting of spam, so it might take a little while for your story to appear on this page.

PERSONAL STORIES FROM MALE VICTIMS OF FAMILY VIOLENCE AND ABUSE

Thursday
Sep272018

Anthony's personal story

Hello. My name's Anthony. I'm 41 and I've been a full-time caregiver for my partner who has an acquired brain injury. Her ABI affects her ability to do many things including controlling her emotions, controlling her anger, coming at me with knives, constant (and I mean CONSTANT) yelling and shouting profanities at me. She's been unfaithful on at least 5 occasions I'm aware of, very inappropriate behaviour around others, attempting to get me arrested numerous times even when proven she is fibbing, attempted on more than one occasion to get me killed. Her family have threatened to kill me (even in a courthouse to which the judge did nothing). In fact I could write a book about my experiences (and indeed I have been) as there's simply too much more to mention here. She even ‘runs away for up to 12 months and I don't even know if she's alive or dead.

She is in fact a lovely woman so long as outside factors don't intrude (rude, mean, pushy type people and her VERY nasty family). My partner's uncle sexually abused my partner when she was young, her sister made her eat CAT FOOD and put lemon juice in her eye, her Dad used to belt her and even made her sleep outside in a cardboard box during a thunderstorm! So it's reasonable to understand why I don't want them anywhere near us. So long as others don't upset her, or she simply loses it.

As her carer I feel obliged to assist her but what gets my blood boiling is the TOTAL lack of proper support. I need to add that the times of infidelity occurred when she was supposed to be in a care facility, but the staff at these places have NEVER respected our relationship status and I believe encouraged her even to engage in this behaviour. DHS and her family have played a big part in it all in an effort to destroy our relationship (I have plenty of evidence). Went to see NDIS for assistance but they said there's a 2 to 3 year waiting period for emergency respite?

I am unable to have friends, I have no supportive family, suicidal thoughts occasionally (although after witnessing someone jump from about 30 floors onto the ground I'm aware of just how foolish that thinking is). Nonetheless it creeps in from time to time. I do love my partner and I'm fully aware she cannot be fully responsible for ALL her actions due to her disability but I do fear for my safety on a regular basis. I once had 3 big scary guys at my door with weapons one night. She kept screaming, "Help me! Help me!" and I was just sitting there! Luckily they actually listened to my explanation of her disability first before reacting. LADIES PLEASE respect your man - they have FEELINGS TOO! I do wonder what correlation there is between this and the biggest killer of men under 30 (suicide)? Where has all the LOVE in this world gone?

Sunday
Sep232018

Dean's personal story

Briefly I was involved in a relationship with a woman who apparently helps the domestic violence centre with advice. After a brief relationship with this lady, a beautiful little girl was born. After being kicked, punched and called disgusting names (which were also said by the domestic violence judge at the time) I still proceeded to allow the domestic violence order upon myself for a period of two years.

Our little girl was so involved with the system at this point that my head was spinning with exchanges in public places. Then came the sad part to me. During an exchange, my ex-partner placed her hands upon my throat. Police were involved and I was told they would help me in getting a blanket domestic violence order upon her. She lied to police. I just really wanted to see my girl, so I did not make Sharon the respondent of a domestic violence order. I made notes and left it as that.

After years now I have still not seen my little girl. I have asked my ex-partner many times just to focus on our daughter's needs, not on me. It's sad but the good thing is now I help people with their domestic violence and family law issues.

Oh and in between that, my daughter was brought to me suffering thread worms which was diagnosed by a doctor. After trying to contact her many times via lawyers, she refused to answer, so she went and placed a recovery order in place and never to see her ever again. My story is sad but true.

Monday
Sep172018

Michael's personal story

I am shocked and concerned with the amount of men’s stories shared here on his site. It is difficult to speak the truth, more concerning is when your confidence is at an all time low and self doubt so high, that the people around you will turn their back, and others take full advantage of your situation.

So having children with an emotionally abusive partner, to then spit and re-partner 2 years later, caused all sorts of complications, and although my new partner had not been abusive in anyway for over 12 months, that all changed as she was dragged into a messy legal battle.

This led to all kinds of accusations and FVO’s, etc. Which although I can see the benefit in legitimate situations, is clearly a simple way to continue inflicting abuse upon their male victim. And unfortunately in my case, the physical abuse, even being stabbed with a kitchen knife, still left me being arrested for being the victim of such abuse and mentioning it on social media, breaching the FVO. Keeping in mind that I believed I never instigated such altercations, it’s almost impossible to explain to others why such an incident would occur without somehow contributing to it. Strangely it’s the length of time the abuse goes on for that feeds that lack of understanding from family and friends.

Moreso sometimes people don’t realise the source of their pain, hence the abuse of those they “love” just as those abused, if used to that sort of treatment, skews the meaning of one caring or loving them, and the cycle continues.

It eludes me in this day and age, where equality of women is so strong that somehow a woman couldn’t be just as good/bad if not better/worse than a man in inflicting abuse to their partners!

Remember this is not a male v female issue, just that the same resources and laws should be applied to both sexes equally.

There needs to be willing prosecution of fraudulent statements if the evidence exists.

Be well, accept the past, to learn and give you strength to live abuse-free and never generalise because just like men, not all women are abusers of family violence.

Monday
Sep102018

Dan's personal story

I married a Colombian girl after 4 months of knowing her because she would have to go back to Colombia otherwise. Not long after that we had problems - her constantly losing jobs, borrowing money off my friends and not paying it back. Then we had a son and this kind of thing continued, even getting fired from her job for theft. I always supported her. What else could I do? We had a child.

Eventually after 5 years I'd fallen out of love with her. The lies were constant at this stage. We both still went halves in rent and childcare. She got us kicked out of our home and my son his childcare for not paying her share behind my back. Eventually she met another guy and wanted to move out of our rental and in with him. I was fine with that but begged her to stay until I'd paid my car off, then I could better pay the rent on my own and try and get in a boarder.

I thought she agreed, but fast forward 3 weeks later I got a text from her while I was at work saying she's leaving in 2 days. I freaked. I had no idea how I was going to pay rent and she still owed me money again for rent and childcare. I knew I wouldn't get it back. I went home that night angry, called her some names and threw some of her clothes out into the street. I told her to leave now. My son was there. She then called the police. I calmed down and said, "Look I'm sorry, but what am I going to do?". She went to the toilet. After that she came out and I said, "Let's go outside, have a smoke and a talk". Then the police came. She ran off to them. I was arrested and she told them I'd pushed her and grabbed her arm which she had taken a photo of. I never grabbed her arm. Then I realised when she went to the toilet she must've pinched her own arm and taken a photo.

What I failed to mention before is that I had threatened to take my son back to my family if she got us kicked out of childcare or our rental. What else could I do? I also kept screenshots of all the people messaging me saying she owes them money and would use this in seeking custody of my son.

At the police station after being charged I was questioned and was in shock and scared. I said some silly things in the interview like maybe I blacked out. Only because it all happened so quickly and she did have a red arm. But after I was released I realised what really happened. I've pled not guilty and my hearing is in March but I get a record. I will lose my job and I have no other qualifications. My record is clean for now though so I just hope my lawyer can convince the judge I'm a good person, father and can get it acquitted.

But now with the AVO she threatens to go to the cops if I don't do what she says, like taking my son on certain days, etc. She is a horrible dishonest person who uses people for her own gain. I really hope it all turns out OK but I doubt it. Obviously she was scared that I wanted to take my son away from her, but I never wanted that. I just wanted her to change and stop putting myself and my son at risk! I see here I'm not alone and that helps. But we all must be aware of women like this and support each other. Thanks for your time.

Thursday
Sep062018

Gavin's personal story

I had been in a relationship with my partner for around 20 months. It started like most, all good for about two weeks, then the jealousy and paranoia started. Every 10 to 20 minutes calling me to run to her. Then out of the blue she just disappeared to a women's shelter. I had the police look for her and locate her. All good - no wrongs or anything to do with domestic violence - she just needed some time alone. After I had to be near her every 20 or so minutes, like that's real fair leaving me and friends worrying about her, and surprise she's pregnant (after saying its not possible for her to get pregnant).

Well to me I think this girlfriend is very demanding and clingy but cute and a storyteller “liar”. I've never even heard of a women's refuge, but soon learned the actual meaning of them. Not little holiday resorts, but for actual girls in serious trouble. Not that many spare rooms in them, to be used as a resort! Anyway, later I had to save my baby and ring 000 to protect my baby from mum-to-be and that is the biggest mistake I made. My partner took revenge and lied in court. VRO on me. I'm supposed to be made look like a serial armed knife wielding maniac. Nice of you for that. The baby was born, not that I'm to know, and 3 months later my partner returns home like nothing happened, never said a word to me about it. I'm just happy to have our baby home. Very cute and we are always laughing and having fun.

Then mum says, "I'm leaving him with you to raise and leaving to another state." Ah, OK, this is her saying I'm so dangerous, but leaves our child for me to raise. As she had me falsely arrested and gaoled for 3 months, I had to find a new home for our child. We did good, and so child welfare had him. One week he went into the care place with his mum, and the shock to me, a month later she ABANDONED my little boy. Now I'm trying to have my child returned back to his dad and home.

Why do this to anyone, to leave my child for a second time and just lie for no reason about me. It's a shame, she was a nice girl, to do this reckless act and didn't even care that she did it. I was told about it after being released from prison. Now I look like a very bad person indeed to the police and the ladies at the child protection service. They really dislike me because of the false statements told by my partner, and I'm still facing SERIOUS criminal charges because of the first lies she told and the second lot of lies she told.

I'm just lost. I don't understand. Why would anyone do this to people? It's the first time for me and any of my friends to see this happen to a child. He is the most important thing. He will be missing his dad and friends and his grandparents who never got asked if they could take care of him. The protection people still tried to have my son returned to his reckless mum. I don't yet understand - why would they give her a third chance after she had already failed 2 times at such a young age. I was a very good dad. I did everything like a loving dad would. It's so unfair on my child, my parents and friends and the kids who were in his daily life. ABANDONED??????????????????? Why do that to a little child?