TELL YOUR STORY

If you are a male victim of family violence - domestic violence, violence from other family members, child abuse, elder abuse, sexual assault, or other forms of family violence and abuse - this page is available for you to tell your anonymous story. Please click here to tell your own story. If you feel like you need support, please click here. Stories are moderated to prevent the posting of spam, so it might take a little while for your story to appear on this page.

PERSONAL STORIES FROM MALE VICTIMS OF FAMILY VIOLENCE AND ABUSE

Friday
Oct212016

Charles' personal story

I lived with a violent female. We were both 30 at the time. She had a problem. I noticed at first how everything had to be in it's place, the house looked like no one lived there and she kept it spotless. My first mistake was to leave some beer bottles beside my chair. I did not live there at the time. She waited till everybody left and then verbally abused me about it. That was an insight of what was to come. No I did not have a drinking problem - it was a party.

I tried to be all the things she wanted but drew the line at having to mow the lawn every week whether it needed it or not. In her head it had to be done regardless.

You dare not put any condiments on her cooking or you are toast. She would start a fight about nothing. She did not need a reason. One day I heard her say from the kitchen, "why is it so fucking quiet in here?".

One of her antics was to open the car door at any speed and put her foot on the road as if she was going to jump. I always pulled up. She got out of the car, came around to my side, punched me fair in the mouth, grabbed the keys out of the ignition, threw them into the bush and stormed off. Her abuse was mental as well as physical.

I can honestly say I never hit her but she would king hit me and send my teeth through my lip on a number of occasions. Because I would not hit back she had to feel pain so she would stand there after it and pull her own hair as hard as she could.

I lasted a year. Don't you always think it will get better? I moved out and finished the relationship.

I never went out with anybody for 2 years after that and still think it affects my view of women. I am 56.

Friday
Oct142016

Duncan's personal story

I've been in a relationship with my ex for 13 years. I haven't lived with her for 6. I should have left the first time she hit me and I don't know why I didn't (it's been very Jerry Springer). Over that time we have had many arguments where I've been hit bashed with iron bars.

Whenever I go to the police they laugh at me and question "why do I go back?". 10 years ago after one of these bashings she left the house, went to the police, made false allegations and I was arrested without bail. After spending 16 days in cells she retracted and the charges were dropped.

Over time I have lost all my friends and had most of my stuff smashed. We have children and they are used as a tool to control me.

The last time she snapped and assaulted me was bad. I left the house to report it. When I got to the police station I was laughed at and told to leave (the police have been disciplined about this). While I was at the station she called the police and the end result is I'm now charged with assault. Not her, me! This is crazy. I'm told by my lawyer to plead guilty or go to gaol. I refuse to plead guilty. With all the crackdown on family violence male to woman I'm going to gaol.

The only thing keeping me alive at the moment is my children. If I'm found guilty I intend to go on a hunger strike as I'm not a monster and as I'm male I'm presumed guilty and have to prove my innocence. I left school at 13 and don't know how to write.

I need help. I'm now falling off a cliff and the whole social services don't wanna help as when I tell them I'm charged with assaulting my partner they don't want to know. Please help!

Friday
Sep232016

Heidi's personal story

Ever since I can remember, growing up in our household was a nightmare. My father endured 32 years of abuse from my mother and no one would help. He had asked her father to help but his reply was, “She is your wife - you deal with it.” My mother used to beat, bite and verbally abuse my father. She would throw boiling hot coffee on him (when he would fall asleep in his chair after working a 15 hour day), try to stab him with knives and hit him whenever she had the chance. She would constantly tell him that he was a homosexual because he took too much time in the toilet (by her standards), tell him he was useless, and separated him from his family and friends. As this was happening I used to ask him why he doesn't take us and leave? He would say, “Marriage is for life and I believe in my vows.” My mother passed away a good 5 years ago now, and now he has my brother to deal with who is the same. I love my Dad and believe he is just one of the strongest men I know. Male abuse is real and I believe that something should be done about it. Equal rights for men also.

Friday
Sep162016

James' personal story

When I was 20 I was in one of my first relationships with another man. Eventually we moved in together. I had strong feelings for him because I was young, new to the city and struggling financially. When we were together he would restrict my access to media, I wasn't allowed to contact my family or even read the news; I had to concentrate on him constantly. He was very restrictive in anything I did and if it was questioned he threatened to leave me.

One morning we got into an argument which resulted in me being beat and strangled to the point where I thought I was going to die. I managed to get out of there and stay with my friends for a few days while I found temporary accommodation in Sydney with my family (I lived in Melbourne). The stigma was hard as my family wasn't supportive of my sexuality and thought it was just 2 men in an argument. I reported it to police who were somewhat supportive of me. After filing a statement of no complaint and getting back together (I had no where to go, everyone was telling me it was my fault for getting him angry and needed the financial support) I also withdrew the intervention orders. After this I was locked out of my own house and left on the street. He had gotten back together with me so that I could withdraw my complaint. I suffered from extreme depression, generalised anxiety disorder and attempted suicide twice. It was very difficult for me. I have never been able to trust a partner the same since.

After a slew of false accusations against me with no evidence and out of pocket paying for lawyers to defend myself I am living my life comfortably and happy away from him. I changed my phone numbers, my life, and my job. I recently did an Freedom of Information Request to find the information from years ago. This found a female police officer described me as the aggressor because I approached him and started an argument.

There is a massive gap here in same-sex relationships and I think there needs to be a discussion about violence against men.

Thursday
Sep082016

Mister Penguin's personal story

I am Mister Penguin. I am 17 years old. I am a senior in high school right now. I was in an abusive relationship for 1 year and 8 months with a lovely girl by the name of Toucan. Toucan was fun, we had a lot of fun times together, but what I failed to see was the abuse. She would constantly say that I was cheating on her with one of my friends (that was a girl) or not spending enough time with her. On top of that, she would twist my nipples and hit me in the groin for not being civil (example: picking nose in public).

She also made me feel like a failure, she held grudges, she put ideas in my head about other people on how "they are thinking poorly of you, they are only making fun of you" or "people are naturally evil". We had sexual intercourse which was why I stayed, but the thing is. I retaliated in a bad way, i'd force a 2nd round of sex on her, and she would say no, I would get mad, throw stuff, but never hit her.

She eventually broke things off with me saying that there were people who wanted me dead, calling me screwed up, saying I needed help, saying I was a freak, and turning who I thought were my friends against me. I felt terrible, every day, I wrote a letter describing how I felt. For 3 weeks, I wrote, I delivered the letters to Toucan on May 27th 2014. I asked for her back and for her forgiveness. I got forgiveness, but I didn't get her back, we both knew it wouldn't work out.

Eventually, I went to a mental hospital for 5 weeks due to suicidal thoughts and anxiety. It's August now, and I started my senior year at a new school to get away from her. I had to leave school today to get away from people due to the fear of crowds she gave me. I used to be normal, I used to be able to talk to people and be able to have fun, now that's all gone, I lost friends, I almost lost my family, but what I lost was myself.

Toucan, if you are reading this, I forgive you, but you broke me, I broke you. I wish you knew how it was for me, how much I have suffered because of you. and the sad thing is. I still love you. My name is Mister Penguin, and I have been abused for 1 year and 8 months, and each day was living hell, it still is hell, it feels like no one is here, it feels like I'm all alone, it feels like everyone knows what I did and they don't care about my story. Logically, I know this is false, but inside, that's how it feels. I know I will get over with this, but I don't have a lot of time, I have to return to school soon and I have to face the crowds. I'm scared, and I'm alone.