TELL YOUR STORY

If you are a male victim of family violence - domestic violence, violence from other family members, child abuse, elder abuse, sexual assault, or other forms of family violence and abuse - this page is available for you to tell your anonymous story. Please click here to tell your own story. If you feel like you need support, please click here. Stories are moderated to prevent the posting of spam, so it might take a little while for your story to appear on this page.

PERSONAL STORIES FROM MALE VICTIMS OF FAMILY VIOLENCE AND ABUSE

Thursday
Oct272016

Joe's personal story

I have copped it twice.

The first time was over a decade ago, with my second girlfriend. Alarm bells should have rung when I initially met her family. Plenty of children, no fathers. All women referred to the fathers in their families as 'sperm donors'. I believe initially I was just an escape from the rest of her family, as within months, despite not really wanting to move in that quickly, we were living together.

Our home was constantly a mess. I'm not the neatest of people, but I do clean up after myself. She wasn't so much into that. So despite working two jobs, it was up to me to do all the housework, as well as clean up her mess.

Going out to do the shopping was an ordeal, a T-shirt and tracksuit pants weren't good enough to go to the supermarket. I had to wear a nice shirt and trousers, and that was just the start. The real fun began any time we had to stand in a queue. 'Look at that fat bitch. She needs a good smack. What a dick. Why can't she hurry her fat ass up.' Of course these lines only came out if there was another male with the other woman. Which usually resulted in a very pissed off boyfriend fronting up to me about my girlfriend's behaviour.

Not being a jealous guy, I had no worries with her going out clubbing to all hours, but when a mutual friend went with her and told me she had been popping ecstasy and disappearing off with other men, I was devastated. Asking her about the drugs was the beginning of the end, and that set off months of 'You're shit. Your family is shit. Your mother is a scumbag and can't cook for shit. Your dad (who passed away 6 months before I met her) must have been useless to have produced you.' Those months involved me leaving the house at all sorts of hours and walking a couple of hours back to my family home.

The last of it was having her start another screaming match, when I decided enough was enough. I tried to leave. She got louder, then stood at the door of my car, refusing to let me leave, whilst getting louder and screaming 'go on, hit me' (I never have and never will raise my hand against a woman, it's just not worth it). Eventually I walked away, and came back a day later to collect my car and my belongings.

I was visited by the police that night with a summons for an Intervention Order, as I had apparently entered HER home uninvited, and had been calling her and threatening her.

10 years later she showed up on a worksite I was working at. I was that terrified I actually warned my boss that if any strange complaints came up about me from someone with the surname of *her surname* to ask me first. She showed up again a day later, and started causing trouble in a store that was part of my worksite, claiming her purse had been stolen. When I arrived to investigate, I was absolutely pumped when the store staff said to me 'Geez she's a complete unreasonable bitch!' "Yep. Shes my ex".

The second story is for another time, but involves a fiancee and her sister, both alcoholics, and me being literally trapped in the UK, with no family, no money, and no way to return home to Australia...

Friday
Oct212016

Charles' personal story

I lived with a violent female. We were both 30 at the time. She had a problem. I noticed at first how everything had to be in it's place, the house looked like no one lived there and she kept it spotless. My first mistake was to leave some beer bottles beside my chair. I did not live there at the time. She waited till everybody left and then verbally abused me about it. That was an insight of what was to come. No I did not have a drinking problem - it was a party.

I tried to be all the things she wanted but drew the line at having to mow the lawn every week whether it needed it or not. In her head it had to be done regardless.

You dare not put any condiments on her cooking or you are toast. She would start a fight about nothing. She did not need a reason. One day I heard her say from the kitchen, "why is it so fucking quiet in here?".

One of her antics was to open the car door at any speed and put her foot on the road as if she was going to jump. I always pulled up. She got out of the car, came around to my side, punched me fair in the mouth, grabbed the keys out of the ignition, threw them into the bush and stormed off. Her abuse was mental as well as physical.

I can honestly say I never hit her but she would king hit me and send my teeth through my lip on a number of occasions. Because I would not hit back she had to feel pain so she would stand there after it and pull her own hair as hard as she could.

I lasted a year. Don't you always think it will get better? I moved out and finished the relationship.

I never went out with anybody for 2 years after that and still think it affects my view of women. I am 56.

Friday
Oct142016

Duncan's personal story

I've been in a relationship with my ex for 13 years. I haven't lived with her for 6. I should have left the first time she hit me and I don't know why I didn't (it's been very Jerry Springer). Over that time we have had many arguments where I've been hit bashed with iron bars.

Whenever I go to the police they laugh at me and question "why do I go back?". 10 years ago after one of these bashings she left the house, went to the police, made false allegations and I was arrested without bail. After spending 16 days in cells she retracted and the charges were dropped.

Over time I have lost all my friends and had most of my stuff smashed. We have children and they are used as a tool to control me.

The last time she snapped and assaulted me was bad. I left the house to report it. When I got to the police station I was laughed at and told to leave (the police have been disciplined about this). While I was at the station she called the police and the end result is I'm now charged with assault. Not her, me! This is crazy. I'm told by my lawyer to plead guilty or go to gaol. I refuse to plead guilty. With all the crackdown on family violence male to woman I'm going to gaol.

The only thing keeping me alive at the moment is my children. If I'm found guilty I intend to go on a hunger strike as I'm not a monster and as I'm male I'm presumed guilty and have to prove my innocence. I left school at 13 and don't know how to write.

I need help. I'm now falling off a cliff and the whole social services don't wanna help as when I tell them I'm charged with assaulting my partner they don't want to know. Please help!

Friday
Sep232016

Heidi's personal story

Ever since I can remember, growing up in our household was a nightmare. My father endured 32 years of abuse from my mother and no one would help. He had asked her father to help but his reply was, “She is your wife - you deal with it.” My mother used to beat, bite and verbally abuse my father. She would throw boiling hot coffee on him (when he would fall asleep in his chair after working a 15 hour day), try to stab him with knives and hit him whenever she had the chance. She would constantly tell him that he was a homosexual because he took too much time in the toilet (by her standards), tell him he was useless, and separated him from his family and friends. As this was happening I used to ask him why he doesn't take us and leave? He would say, “Marriage is for life and I believe in my vows.” My mother passed away a good 5 years ago now, and now he has my brother to deal with who is the same. I love my Dad and believe he is just one of the strongest men I know. Male abuse is real and I believe that something should be done about it. Equal rights for men also.

Friday
Sep162016

James' personal story

When I was 20 I was in one of my first relationships with another man. Eventually we moved in together. I had strong feelings for him because I was young, new to the city and struggling financially. When we were together he would restrict my access to media, I wasn't allowed to contact my family or even read the news; I had to concentrate on him constantly. He was very restrictive in anything I did and if it was questioned he threatened to leave me.

One morning we got into an argument which resulted in me being beat and strangled to the point where I thought I was going to die. I managed to get out of there and stay with my friends for a few days while I found temporary accommodation in Sydney with my family (I lived in Melbourne). The stigma was hard as my family wasn't supportive of my sexuality and thought it was just 2 men in an argument. I reported it to police who were somewhat supportive of me. After filing a statement of no complaint and getting back together (I had no where to go, everyone was telling me it was my fault for getting him angry and needed the financial support) I also withdrew the intervention orders. After this I was locked out of my own house and left on the street. He had gotten back together with me so that I could withdraw my complaint. I suffered from extreme depression, generalised anxiety disorder and attempted suicide twice. It was very difficult for me. I have never been able to trust a partner the same since.

After a slew of false accusations against me with no evidence and out of pocket paying for lawyers to defend myself I am living my life comfortably and happy away from him. I changed my phone numbers, my life, and my job. I recently did an Freedom of Information Request to find the information from years ago. This found a female police officer described me as the aggressor because I approached him and started an argument.

There is a massive gap here in same-sex relationships and I think there needs to be a discussion about violence against men.