TELL YOUR STORY

If you are a male victim of family violence - domestic violence, violence from other family members, child abuse, elder abuse, sexual assault, or other forms of family violence and abuse - this page is available for you to tell your anonymous story. Please click here to tell your own story. If you feel like you need support, please click here. Stories are moderated to prevent the posting of spam, so it might take a little while for your story to appear on this page.

PERSONAL STORIES FROM MALE VICTIMS OF FAMILY VIOLENCE AND ABUSE

Friday
Sep082017

Roberto's personal story

I am a victim of domestic violence and I should share my story.

We are married for 5 years now and the violence started from the day one. At first I thought its common and we can work out the relationship to do better. Now, I regret the decision I made on the earlier stages where I should have left her before she got pregnant. Now I have my daughter where she is 3 years old and I am locked up to a situation where I cannot leave my wife since I don’t want a troubled childhood for my kid.

She abuses me with vulgar words, scratches all my body with her fingernails, drag me all around the house holding my hair.

The worst part is sometimes she feel sorry for what she has done and as a man I feel sorry for her and just say to myself lets carry on. It’s all because of my angel daughter I am still surviving each and every day with a nightmare.

I am collecting all the evidences I could land keeping it safe at the moment and I am expecting to survive the life for at least the next 3 years where my kid should be able to understand the problems I face and hoping she understand why I had to leave this relationship.

But these days I am getting nightmares and with not sleeping nights since I am getting scared of her arrogance.

I am head of a region working outside country and staying with my family. This gives me more difficulty since she always threatens me to report to police that I abuse her. She is dumb and don't know of the consequences of issues like this in foreign land where my whole career will be gone if I get booked for abuse on a foreign land.

I am dying everyday and all my worry is about my daughter and want her lead as a great women in the future. I don't know what to do and I want my daughter.

Thursday
Aug312017

Paul's personal story

I’m sick and tired of my life. I am keeping myself calm and quiet because of my two kids.

My wife had been abusing me mentally and physically for many years. All the physical and mental abuse has been very painful and every part of body has been scarred due to the physical abuse.

I am going to walk away soon as my daughters have grown old enough to take care of themselves. Until such time I have to go through this hell.

Sunday
Aug272017

Pablo's personal story

I am dead as a result of the abuse I have suffered. You will forgive me please as someone else gives me the voice I did not have while I was alive.

I am 39 years old. My teenage daughter decided she was not getting her own way enough. She got a couple of her friends to help her and she told lies to the police. She told the police I was abusing her sexually and that I had raped her. Her friends told similar lies to back her up.

I was arrested at gunpoint, and interviewed by the police. My two little children were taken away from me, and I was forced to leave my home and my wife. My wife was forced to sign papers against me - they told her if she did not sign them they would take our children from her immediately. My wife was devastated. I spent the next year or so staying with other members of my family, and trying hard to keep a good relationship with my little kids and my wife on supervised visits.

I did everything the court orders told me to, and did not do anything to make the situation worse, or to contact anyone. I did not even leave the house where I was staying for more than 8 months, and then I just went shopping in a different town. Me and my whole family were gagged, we were not allowed to say anything, even though my daughter and her friends could still spread lies about me.

In a whole year, and after interviewing me more than once, the police had still not charged me with any crime. But at the end of the court orders, when I thought I would be able to go home and rebuild my life with my children and my wife, my daughter and her friends made a new application for court orders against me, and told even bigger lies. I was served with another lot of accusations and orders that keep me away from my wife, my children and my home, once again.

The police and my solicitor had told me that in cases like this everyone believes that women will never tell lies about things like this, and that men are assumed to be guilty whether there is any evidence or not. I found out that this really is true. A woman or a girl just needs to say something like this, and even though there is no evidence to support the lies told about me, and the police did not charge me with any crime, these women/girls can go on subjecting me to this kind of abuse year after year, the courts will always grant them their court orders, and my life is ruined. Abuse does not have to be physical. The psychological, mental and emotional abuse against me has destroyed me and my family.

I have no way out. I have no way of proving my innocence, as the word of the girls is regarded as the truth even without supporting evidence. Their smear campaign has ruined my reputation. I will never be able to be involved in community groups, sports, any activities with children or girls because of the lies that have been told about me.

My family has been devastated, my little children want their daddy - it breaks my heart every time I have to send them home without me, and they cry for me. My wife is distraught. I have no choices, I have no future, and I do not have the enormous amount of money I need for an aggressive private defense - a lawyer has quoted me $50,000 to $100,000 with a probability that I will never win, because the girls do not have to provide solid evidence. It is possible I would to go to prison for something I did not do, and I would not be the first.

This last lot of orders and accusations is more than I can take. I have been struggling to keep above the hopelessness, fear, devastation, anger, and depression I feel. I cannot turn my head off. It would have been kinder to me and my family if these girls had broken into my home and shot me dead - at least there would have been an event and then a chance of recovery.

This relentless ongoing abuse is a long slow death. And it is slowly but surely damaging and killing my family as well. I cannot fight it any longer. I have no voice, my strength is gone, my life is ruined, my family is destroyed.

On 9th December 2014 I ended my own life.

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Sunday
Aug202017

Nathan's personal story

I hate the term victim but when you at your lowest, what else are you? When you have been compared to her ex in every imaginable way (yes including intimate) where do you go?

I have copy and paste from a doc that I wrote, names deleted. I left the real world about twelve years ago. I will start with some real truths and then some explanations.

  • I have no self-worth.
  • I have been taught to believe that I am a failure.
  • I really resent the person / people that did this to me.
  • I started a xxxxxxx business to get some self-worth back.
  • I went from job to job for years because I didn’t believe that I was worthy of a good job. Even when I got a good job I would leave it because I did not deserve it, so I believed. Only two people tried to contact me after I left the world as in normal life. One, I continue to communicate with and cannot thank this person enough. The second blamed me for everything in their life.
  • I cannot allow people to see me, not physically, but mentally.
  • I cry every day. Some days or even weeks are good, but, most sad.
  • I hate every day, it’s just sad. However, in a crazy way, I love every day that I climb on a xxxxxxxxxxx, make people happy and make money. I was taught for so long that I could not make enough money and that I was a failure. Not you xxx.
  • I am a total hermit. I see nobody and do not go out; however, I do have a nice little “friend” that I share nice times with.
  • I trust that my ex or her family are nowhere to be seen. She told me that “I have made sure that my family will never speak to you again.” You may find this hard to believe but I do love all of my children. I just think that they are better off without me.

Around 12 years ago I started a relationship with a person that I loved like no other and it was great, or so I thought. This person systematically put me down in every way imaginable, and some of the ways will shock you all.

I cared for her, boosted her confidence, loved her and was there always. However, after she came off anti-depressants, everything changed. I did most of the house cleaning, landscaped the garden, renovated the house, but, the big but, I could not earn enough money. I could not work out why.

Please see the signs early and act on them, whether you are the abuser or the abused.

Let me tell you some of them, and these are harsh.

When washing the dishes “water” was yelled out. That meant you are using too much water in the sink. I was the only one that did the dishes.

I re painted the house twice. Every time I would say: “I will start in this room” only to be told “No how stupid are you? Start in this room”. When I painted a room, she would find a drop of paint somewhere, abuse again.

I landscaped the entire garden, huge job. She was so surprised at how it turned out as her ex was a builder / landscaper and did not think that I could do anything like I did.

If I weeded the garden she would find a few weeds left behind and abuse me.

She constantly compared me to her ex, (now this is hard to believe) even in the most intimate ways. ie “No don’t do it like that XXXX taught me to do it this way” Appalling. Just reflect for a minute people, would any of you compare your partner / husband to your ex in an intimate situation?

I remember one night cooking (as I did) and she came in and said “You have got the wrong Fxxxing fan on (pushed) get out of the kitchen I will do it! You have no idea what you are doing. I stopped cooking after that.

I have a medical allergy to house dust so I asked her not to empty the vacuum cleaner bag inside the house. Her response “What would you know you are just too fucking stupid”

Are you getting the idea?

This IS domestic violence against a man, me. At least I used to think that I was a man now just an idiot.

She is seen as a role model. Paid well and highly regarded in her family, but, nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors. She has lied to her employers and to her family.

I just hate myself and I have no self-worth.

Thursday
Aug172017

Malcolm's personal story

Aged in my 40s I discovered that within 6 months of getting married that my now ex (then early 30s) had a previous life of alcohol drugs and crime which she had covered up with an "I am a poor unfortunate single mum with kids" story and act.

I ended up doing everything whilst she got drunk and had affairs. We then had a child (unplanned) and despite my daily pleas, she drank and smoked through every day of the pregnancy.

Soon after the birth she returned to being really drunk and started to beat on me physically with her fists and with anything handy round the house she could grab. I could see this brewing almost daily and did my best to get the kids in bed before she started up. I was often hit and punched until I was pushed out the front door where she would then ring the Police and claim there was a stalker outside.

We separated and she then had me beaten by a friend of hers. Despite my concerns about her violence the authorities let her see our child even after she punched him and broke his teeth aged 3. This violence towards our child continued all the time she claimed it was me and mirroring and recounting her own acts of violence to Police and family court.

Finally after 7 years and 12 false allegations towards me she knocked our child out cold whilst drunk one night and when that child came to, they decided they could take no more so rang me. There was never another visit after that and that child made it clear they would "kill" her if there was ever another visit.

Four 2-year violence restraining orders made no difference to her as she breached them over 40 times in total and only after 25 or so breaches did the Police even bother to charge her.

She has since been convicted of grievous bodily harm towards someone else along with 2 convictions for breaches of restraining orders. Would you believe it, all three were suspended convictions, which meant no jail time, no conviction on her police record and just a fine. This is the problem - the authorities are ALL to ready to believe that the male is always the abuser but not the female.

In this case she was abusive to both myself and our child. Even after the Police Child Abuse Unit interviewed our child at great length and were faced with statements, photos of harm etc, they would not charge her. I hope she rots in hell as she has made it hard for both of us to move on with our lives.