TELL YOUR STORY

If you are a male victim of family violence - domestic violence, violence from other family members, child abuse, elder abuse, sexual assault, or other forms of family violence and abuse - this page is available for you to tell your anonymous story. Please click here to tell your own story. If you feel like you need support, please click here. Stories are moderated to prevent the posting of spam, so it might take a little while for your story to appear on this page.

PERSONAL STORIES FROM MALE VICTIMS OF FAMILY VIOLENCE AND ABUSE

Friday
Mar022018

Lost and Confused's personal story

I'll start with the sad admission that my female partner has abused me regularly for the past 5 years. I have tried very hard to work through the issues that cause her to become abusive to the great detriment to my own mental health. I have been pushed to the point of retaliation a few times but I always try very hard to not snap under pressure. Often I feel like giving up completely. We have separated a few times but always get back together. Perhaps this situation rings true for some of you out there. In spite of everything that's happened I still love her and I know she loves me too. I want to keep trying. For those who are still trying their best to live normally I have some advice.

Recently I was enduring and doing my best to ignore a day of verbal text message abuse. At the end of my working day I met my partner in town and calmly but firmly confronted her on her behaviour. She lost her temper and hit me – once. I was unhurt and unharmed – I walked away, shaken and upset.

The incident is unfortunately something I have experienced several times now. This time she had been drinking, I was scared she would turn violent towards me through the night, something that has happened before and caused me to run away. She turned up at home angry and I smelled trouble. Upset, lost and stuck with no friends to turn and talk to I ran away. I went to the nearby police station, I thought I'd find someone willing to listen and just share a kind word to get me back on my feet. Goodness me I wish I had not done this now.

I have learned the police are evidently unable and unwilling to support someone like me who just wanted to talk through their difficulties and make a plan to resolve things at home. They are evidently tasked with proving by numbers their effectiveness at bringing DV perpetrators to justice. While I was upset they simply probed me using a checklist until they had enough information to go find CCTV evidence of my partner striking me and – the next day when my partner and I were enjoying our evening dinner police arrived at the doorstep to arrest her and lay criminal assault charges. In spite of my insistence I was making no complaint nor statement to claim an assault had been made on me. This was not the outcome I wanted at all – the police only seem interested in gathering statistics for their own benefit.

Now I face the absurd and costly challenge of defending my partner in court for charges I have no wish to bring on her. The world has gone completely mad.

Monday
Feb052018

John's personal story

Wow I looked for this kind of resource years ago but there was nothing. I have been a victim of countless attacks by more than one woman but mostly my current partner. In the last incident she smashed a pot plant on my back dislocating my shoulder while I was curled up on the ground. She then beat and kicked me until I ran upstairs and called the police but she pulled the phone cord out of the wall. A call registered at the station and a police car came. She saw it out the front and began punching herself in the face. The police thought I did it and didn't believe I was the victim. I lost custody of our son and fear for his life every day. This was all because I didn't order pineapple on her vegetarian pizza.

Monday
Jan292018

Bruce's personal story

When I first got married my wife was attractive, sweet, shy and positively happy. However after twelve months of marriage I began to realise that something was missing. As I realised that our marriage was lacking Intimacy.

My wife has become to boss me around, and it was becoming increasing obvious that her personality was changing.

Before we got married, we never had one single argument, but she was no longer the sweet innocent woman that I once knew. She never ever told me that she loved me of her own account, and only ever said it in return, if I said it to her first.

After building and moving into our new home, which I helped build, she began to shows signs of behaviour that I did like. Even while we were engaged, she showed extreme sign of Selfishness on one account, and was a side of her that I didn’t like.

She would show signs and Traits of:--

Selfishness, Moodiness, and Frequent Tantrums which I found difficult to deal with.

She would often bite my head off, if I happened to say one word out of place and I thought and felt that she was quite inconsiderate when she would often say what she thought, regardless of whether it hurt my feelings or not, which she often did on a frequent basis and it felt like her stabbing me, because she would often be nasty for no particular reason. But I would just bite my tongue and not retaliate.

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Thursday
Jan182018

Mark's personal story

I've been here before to share my story. I should be brave enough to just walk away.

On Friday she was trawling my mobile phone searching for any evidence she could find that I might have someone else. To her great delight she found a short selfie video I had made while walking home from work. At the edge of the screen a short flash-frame of my hand could be seen as I was likely moving to grab something from my pocket. She insisted this was not my hand. It was taken as conclusive proof I was not alone at this time and I must be fooling around with someone else. In the hours of rowing that followed she punched me in the stomach where I now have a large purple bruise.

On the weekend we were discussing plans for the week ahead when she said she wanted to stay in my apartment alone while I was needed to work away interstate. I said to her I did not want her to use my apartment because I feared she would betray me as she had done before, going out and picking up another man. In the explosive hours that followed she took to screaming nearly all night, only stopping to punch herself repeatedly in the face. I could not believe the scene that was playing out in front of me, I did my very best to stop her but was terrified to make any contact in case she turned it into some fake assault. She seemed to want to cause herself injuries that she could later show to others – the next morning her face was swollen and blue at the edges of her eyes. I simply do not know how to handle this. I just broke down in terror of what might come my way. I'm still really scared.

Three, maybe four times now there have been incidents where the police were called. Each time no matter how hard she tried – and to their great credit – the police could see she was the one with the fierce temper and the one causing all the trouble. Each time they have recorded me as the victim of the incident – thank heavens. I want to share this part to help others understand the police are not bound to take the woman's side. The police I have dealt with at least could see how terrified I was of becoming falsely accused of violence and I could clearly demonstrate how it was me taking defensive action against being attacked. The advice I offer to you all is lean on the services. Call the helplines. Call the police. Just make sure you call them before you get pushed too hard or something really nasty happens.

For years I have been accused by her of infidelity and everything I do monitored closely to look for opportunities to justify a launch into attack. If I'm at work she calls me 6 times or more daily. If I do not pick up or respond immediately with a personalised message she starts harassing me – calling me over and over again until I am forced to disrupt my duties. Most recently she has even taken to playing and singing a song with lyrics “liar liar liar liar” and so on, playing it over and over. It's clear she is doing this just to cause me annoyance or hurt or provoke me. The problem is it does hurt me. She frequently tells me I am a liar – I do not lie or have guilty secrets to hide.

Yet she somehow flips back and draws me back in using the charm that drew me to her in the first place. I give in, continue and the cycle plays out again. Heaven help me.

Sunday
Jan142018

Charlotte's story

I am the wife of a domestic violence victim, a male who I married recently but was previously in a 15 year marriage filled with domestic violence. This man opened up to me about his unhappiness roughly 4 years ago when we were just friends, but I have learned over the past two years, since he built up the courage to leave her, just how much emotional, physical and financial abuse he was subjected to.

I will start by mentioning that I am writing this because he is still ASHAMED, EMBARRASSED and still being FINANCIALLY ABUSED.

Financial abuse is not spoken about enough. Not only did she use finances to manipulate him, but she used it to get back at him if she wasn't happy with him doing something. An example of this is he went to a family function that she could not attend, therefore she blew their $2500 of savings while he was gone. She also had 100% control over the money that he earned (she did not work) and did not allow him to spend any of his own money.

Physical abuse… how does a 6'8 male make a case against a 6'0 female? That is what my husband told himself, and continues to tell himself. He would never dream of laying a finger on another person, he is far too gentle, but she told him that if he tried to tell anyone about the abuse she would harm herself, and claim that he abuses HER! She held him against the wall by the throat and pushed her thumbs into his windpipe until he passed out or was on the verge. She punched him in the leg and slapped him across the face, both in public and private, if he contradicted her or didn't do what she wanted. She pulled him away from his family when they spoke up, so they stopped, in order to keep him in their life. She threw a knife at his head towards the end, because he knocked a plate. He managed to bring his arm up in time for the knife to wedge itself into his forearm instead of his forehead. This is just the abuse that I have managed to squeeze out of a man who wants to shelter me from the nitty gritty details of his abuse.

Then there is the emotional abuse. I feel like this is a broad area which my husband was greatly affected by. It ranges from her breaking his belongings when she was angry to her telling him that she speaks to his mother and sister in law daily, and they agree with her on whatever topic she was telling at him about. She pulled him away from his family, who live 4 hours from where he was living, and convinced him that they did not like him. She constantly commented that he is sexually inadequate, which has been a difficult one to overcome.

Now my husband and I were very close friends (no infidelity, I feel the need to point that out) when he started the process of leaving her, and we managed to find love once he was divorced. He now has a family and a daughter, he has love in his life. Not all men get this second chance. He was ready to take his own life on multiple occasions, because he was pulled away from his family and lead to believe that no one cared about him. He has admitted to me that he had accepted that his life was destined to be this miserable, and he could do nothing about it. He didn't think any professionals would take him seriously, as a woman abusing a man ‘must seem laughable’, he certainly couldn't pay someone for legal advice, and he didn't think anyone in his life cared enough for him to confide in them.

Domestic abuse against men is not spoken about enough, if at all, and it infuriates me. Men need just as much support as women.