TELL YOUR STORY

If you are a male victim of family violence - domestic violence, violence from other family members, child abuse, elder abuse, sexual assault, or other forms of family violence and abuse - this page is available for you to tell your anonymous story. Please click here to tell your own story. If you feel like you need support, please click here. Stories are moderated to prevent the posting of spam, so it might take a little while for your story to appear on this page.

PERSONAL STORIES FROM MALE VICTIMS OF FAMILY VIOLENCE AND ABUSE

Monday
Aug052013

Meg

As a female who has been abused by both males and females I feel the need to apologise to all of you who have experienced such grave miscarriages of justice. Society should be doing better, and our support services need to really take a close look at what is allowing them to continue discriminating against males in terms of the supports offered - counselling, housing, etc.

I know of a male who was asked to give the children back to the mother as he wouldn't qualify for housing and if he applied for it he would be considered unsuitable. The mother was beating HIM AND the children and yet child protection felt the best place for the children was with the mother. They told the father that if he did a runner with the kids that it would look bad in court.

When I made the change from Teaching to Welfare, I had a furious argument with my lecturer who tried to convince me that all victims are female. That was when I knew there was a problem with the system. I knew this was not true as I'd seen my father being consistently overpowered by my mother to the point that when he left her she screamed down the phone at him when he was at work and he returned but the abuse continued. My mother and brother perpetuated the cycle of abuse - hers was against myself and my father, my brothers was against the rest of the family. The police had to pretend to arrest me for questioning to get me out of the house and away from my mother.

So I knew the lecturer was wrong. I became so incensed with proving this woman wrong I started ringing and challenging my local hospitals, local police station and what consistently came back was 'we don't know the statistics on male victims.' 'they rarely admit it and when they do they are talked out of it by their mates' etc. It was saddening. I then dug deeper. There are NO men's refuge shelters that allow children and the reason given is that it's because of perpetrators also going to refuges. There are things that can and should be done.

Why should men have to leave their children behind? Why should't the women be the ones who have to leave - regardless of gender, the perpetrator should be the one who leaves and an automatic retraining order needs to be put in place regardless of opinions of the powers that be.

I live in East Gippsland (Bairnsdale) and I am going to be joining forces with some local welfare agencies as well as people in the community who are interested and we WILL start doing something about raising awareness to the issues at hand.

But as I have said, in the meantime, please, even though I know I was not your perpetrator/abuser, I do want to say I am sorry for what you have been through, what you are going through and what you may go through in future.

Monday
Aug052013

Anonymous

I am a (male) victim of domestic violence - I was frequently verbally abused, punched, kicked, and threatened with a knife while living separated under one roof over a sustained 8 month period by my ex-wife while we fought legally over childrens orders and property orders. I have also suffered legal/administrative abuse inflicted by my ex-wife where, through the workings of the Family Court, she attempted to deny me access to my children.

My ex-wife has admitted in writing to physically abusing me (and even once apologised, in writing), I reported this violence to the Police along with this evidence, to DoCS and to the Family Court, and asked to have her formally charged. I also filed a Form 4 notice of Child Abuse with the Family Court detailing the abuse my ex-wife perpetrated against me, sometimes in the presence of our two children.

Not only was my ex-wife not charged (the Police who I reported the abuse to laughed openly in my face), but the social workers appointed by the Family Court erroneously assumed that the violence being reported through the Family Court proceedings was being perpetrated by me, simply on the basis of my gender. When I pointed out their error, unbelievably the social workers refused to update their reports! These reports were never updated and remain today on file, erroneously listing me as the perpetrator of family violence, even though I was not, and even though my ex-wife has never made any such allegations.

During this same period, my ex-wife did however make false allegations that I had sexually abused our two children. The initial DoCS investigation of these allegations produced reports which magnified the allegations in every dimension well beyond what my ex-wife had originally alleged.

During our Family Court hearing, upon learning that the violence was perpetrated by my ex-wife (and not by me, as the court reports erroneously indicated) the Judge ruled that the existence of domestic abuse would not play a part in determining the outcome of our children's orders hearing.

Also, during these Court Hearings, my ex-wife formally dropped all her allegations of sexual impropriety against me, saying that no such abuse was alleged to have occurred after all, leaving the inescapable logical conclusion that she had knowingly fabricated these allegations from the beginning.

No penalty was applied to her by the Family Court system.

Tuesday
Jun252013

Sonia

My boyfriend has a friend who was casually seeing a girl when she accidentally became pregnant with his now 3-4 year old daughter. He stepped up and moved in with the girl to make a proper go at their relationship for the sake of the child. One afternoon when his daughter was still a baby he was meeting friends (including my boyfriend and I) for a few drinks to catch up. His (now ex) girlfriend showed up at the pub raging at him and proceeded to physically assault him, hitting him in the face and shoulders, while carrying their baby under her other arm. It was scary and I have no doubts that if she had been a man and he had been a woman the police may well have been called. Apparently the girl also woke my boyfriend's friend up one night holding a knife to his throat (unsubstantiated but believable given her violent behaviour in the pub). They have now separated as a result of her controlling behaviour and she has full custody of their daughter.

My boyfriend also dated a girl who in my opinion was emotionally and physically abusive. Among other things she would berate him if he was 5 minutes late for a date or answering a text message - to the point where when we started dating over two years ago my boyfriend would apologise profusely to me for taking 10 minutes to reply to a message, expecting me to go off at him! He also was not allowed to go out with his friends or spend a night apart from her. A couple of his other friends have had similar experiences dating certain girls.

Wednesday
May152013

Danny

In August of 2005, I was living in the sauna house while my ex-girlfriend and our daughter lived in the main house. On August 29th, my ex came to the sauna house to ask for a cigarette. As she left, she turned to me and said “Good-bye”. It struck me as odd. Good-bye? Not “good night”? I lay down on the bed to think about it. That’s when I smelled the smoke. Rushing to the door of the sauna house, I found it locked. I ran to the window, smashed it open and forced myself out. I suffered from minor burns and had a long cut down my arm. I managed to drag myself to the neighbours, trailing blood and asking that they check the house for fear the fire might have spread to the house and harmed my daughter.

Despite the fact that the fire was set intentionally, my ex managed a plea bargain and received a conditional sentence of two years less a day, with no jail time what-so-ever.

Now I am struggling to have custody of my daughter and I'm facing what seems like insurmountable resistance from the Children’s Aid Society of Ontario.

Sunday
Apr072013

Sam

Beaten with a stiletto heel by female partner