TELL YOUR STORY

If you are a male victim of family violence - domestic violence, violence from other family members, child abuse, elder abuse, sexual assault, or other forms of family violence and abuse - this page is available for you to tell your anonymous story. Please click here to tell your own story. If you feel like you need support, please click here. Stories are moderated to prevent the posting of spam, so it might take a little while for your story to appear on this page.

PERSONAL STORIES FROM MALE VICTIMS OF FAMILY VIOLENCE AND ABUSE

Thursday
Sep012016

Steve's personal story

My story is like the others. I met a narcissist partner, she hooked me with her sad story of how mistreated she was by her exes. I should have seen the signs which I did but still her delusions of grandeur for us and pressure to commit worked. She had 4 kids and different dads and told me the first 2 boys' dad was a violent criminal and never saw his boys and boy number 3's dad left when she fell pregnant. And number 4 boy's father was abusive to her boys and her and also was having a affair. The guy before me with her went to court over DV claims but they both got protection orders. And both other fathers I was told had DV on them and the 1st father had a 5 year DV which she was proud of putting on him but she admitted to me of setting him up and getting him assaulted badly and then ran off with the boys.

The violence started with me when she tried to get a guy at a party to go bash her ex-boyfriend with DVO. When I confronted her she assaulted me but true borderline personality disorder she convinced me she was drugged and didn't remember the event just days after. I believed her version and she was a perfect partner for months then she pressured me in moving in and I did.

Then she told me she was pregnant then the abuse and violence started. And her sons were 17, 15, 12 & 3 yrs old. The boys were also violent to each other and the 15 yr old was attacking his mother and myself, even police were called numerous times but this boy was like her as she was violent to her boys assaulting them with punching and hitting, and using objects to smash the children in the face. I was shocked but she said it's because of being pregnant and often threatened to kill our unborn son. She did attempt it by taking a lot of tablets which devastated me.

I was on the phone to 000, she said "I will just deny it" and became calm whist on the phone. I rang the police when she was assaulting me she said "who will they believe?" and started hitting herself in the face, "go on" she said. It was a constant threat for me to leave the house and the emotional and physical abuse continued and her son went into child safety care as he continually assaulted us.

Our son was born and it didn't take long for it start again. She tried to kill me and my survival instinct saved my life, she then was suicidal, getting a knife, and asked me to take our son and leave which I did. But then she rang the police stating that I had abducted a breastfed baby. Lucky I had friends talking to her - they told the police the real story.

I was the stay at home dad for for my child's safety plus she was talking me into dropping the DV on her and that she was seeking professional help. I thought things would change and felt sorry for her mental health issues. I was the stay at home dad for our son till 20 months then she couldn't get a job so I did. But her son moved back home and the violence started again and they kicked me out. I then did 50/50 shared care of our son but 6 months after it was working well, she got a new vehicle and had huge payments. So she didn't hand my son back and went to the courts and put a DV order on me and haven't had any contact with our son for over 3 months.

I was shocked and had no rights to see my son. She was the abuser and I put a DV order on her which she consented in court to the order. She even admitted to threats to kill our son and other crazy stuff in her response to the DV. And I am still fighting her DVO. She has no evidence but I have a real strict temp order.

I finally got some contact with my son, but only 1 weekend a fortnight, no more. But her violent son spends all day with my son playing Xbox adult games and I have no right to see him until it goes to the family court. My son just turned 3. He is now violent to me and my family. He smashes toys into my face and punches me in the face closed fist which his 18 year old brother taught him. I told this 18 year old not to teach him fighting. He is 2. But now my son cuddles into me, saying "hide". I asked why. He said mummy scared of daddy. But he told me mummy has a daddy in her room. My son is on the Protection Order and I rang both the Police and Child safety and no one cares.

This is DV to my son and me, this scaring my son to be afraid of daddy is emotional harm and if he is scared of the new daddy in his mum's room as he sleeps there too. It's just wrong and extremely worrying for myself but I have no rights at all but she has a 2 year Protection Order against her. So I as a victim have no rights and Police say "see the courts about it".

So 4 years of her abuse and now I still am under control with no extra contact allowed so my son gets taught to hate his dad by them and be violent to his dad. So this Protection Order means shit. I had 50/50 week about and now 6 nights a month. If she had the DV order on me and I was suicidal, I wouldn't get to see my son but she can because of her gender. And her son even has other assault charges on him but they both have my son and I have no previous police history or DV history.

The mother has and keeps my son just for financial gain and to hurt me. My son is 3 years old, still in nappies, and this is child number 5 for her. Great parenting skills putting a child in front of an Xbox! This system doesn't help fathers at all and legal aid is a joke. No orders no rights no money no chance. Fathers get screwed over again. So my son becomes violent like herself and her boys and gets told untrue bad things about dad.

When is there going to be someone to stand up for the child's right to see his father that has always protected him but legal loopholes and a malicious mother have taken boy number 5 away from another father. Well this violence/child safety issues has gone a few generations with the grandmother, mother & her boys. How can a father win when laws protect violent mothers. Just because she hasn't been charged doesn't mean it doesn't happen and all the fathers were violent only... this violence is always around the mother.

She has taken the child's right to spend time with the father away and the law gives her the right to do it. Any lawyers out there wanting to help my son from harm? Because legal aid sucks. If only I had the funds then I might have a chance. Staying strong because I love my son, lucky he gives me strength to survive this ordeal. All fathers out there be patient. Hopefully justice will come and the child will not be harmed too much. And the courts will still enable you to have contact so the child can see you. Love them regardless of the lies told to them. Good luck fathers.

Thursday
Aug182016

Anonymous' personal story

HOW TO SEPARATE YOUR EX MAN FROM CHILD, EZ 123 GUIDE

1. When in relationship, taunt him, shout, be very aggressive, dominate everything, throw objects at him, punch him, shout at the top of your lungs at 2am and tell him to "leave or I'll call the police", especially if he watches sport at that hour. Do this on a continual basis. Throwing objects is especially good. Try getting in his face and say "hit me, go on, hit me." Do that a lot. Hopefully he will, but he probably won't, especially if he's a gentle nice guy, but chances are he will raise his voice at some stage. This IS violence. You are now a victim. Now, its very important to push him so hard he says, "I'd rather die than live with you, I'd rather kill myself and end your torment". Bingo. Save this for later. Make note of it in your diary.

2. Get him to shout at you by providing endless days of torment, then leave straight away. Be distraught as possible for witnesses. Once separated, he'll probably want access to child, he's told he's allowed. Pfft. There's ways around that. Frustrate him in any way, so much so that he'll shout at you, AGAIN, yes, again ;). Write it down. A good way is not letting him be involved in his kids upbringing, especially effective if he's one of those "gosh I love my son so much" types. Do not allow him access except for under supervision by his mother in law. When he asks for that to end after a year or two - yes drag it right out - tell him...wait for it....that will never end, that's all you can EVER hope for.

It's preferable to do this in mediation. Chances are you'll get a mediator who is quite inept. Being in mediation where he thinks he'll get a fair deal and to find he gets jack shit, will destroy his soul totally.

Other handy mediation tips: Cry a lot, but not too much, don't give it away. Explain to mediator you only have safety interests of child at heart, and you fear this guy is a danger. They all believe that one, they watch the news. Now is time to tell them he is suicidal. Remember that one? Get your diary out. He's gone once they hear that.

3. Once it all gets too much for him, after his fruitless mediation sessions, taunt him again and tell him "you'll never get anywhere near your child unless you give me more money." He WILL shout in frustration at you at some time after that, I guarantee you. Apply for an AVO immediately, in fact even wait for 6 weeks to do so, the courts are all cool with it. If he's a meek fellow, that's it, he'll run, probably not even show up in court, and you'll never see him again. Men do that, they run from this shit they hate it so much. Pathetic.

Conclusion: It's the perfect solution. He's now officially violent, when it's actually you who are the violent one, and he's too scared to ever approach you again for fear of what you'll do to him and his PTSD working away at him every night as he can't sleep. If he ever comes back after a few years, he won't get anywhere, 1. You've proved he has no interest in raising his child by his absence, AND 2. You've proved him to be violent. Game over, minimal visitation at best. Oh and 3. You've actually moved 10 hours away so there's no hope ever of any repatriation. Sooo cool.

And, imagine if he did kill himself because of the pain. How brilliant would that be!! See, he was messed up, I saved my child!

It's so brilliant. Good luck.

Thursday
Aug112016

Father and son's personal story

As a father who has been through the legal system in the 1980's as a child. With memories of women's shelters, family law courts and social workers. Which I had repressed and forgotten with love of a good woman and family life, and raising two children girl and boy and focusing on giving them all my body could give. I forgot a hell my brothers and I went through in the shelter, not home. I am trying as I write this not to remember that period of my life just enough to alert anyone to the abuse all kinds, who will afford it a few minutes. A flashback from something I saw, a feeling of utter fear shakes me to my core, media reports that my boy is born a rapist.

How has it been allowed my son is at risk, as is every other boy who grows into a man and then vilified just because he is male. I recall memories of my childhood in women's shelters 5-10 years old. Remembering really vividly the beatings the other boys and sometimes girls got. These mothers took it out on their kids. Please believe me it wasn't ignored but the norm was mums complaining after beating their kid to other mums. I heard many times in different ways ("you fucking little shit, just like your dad," then some kind of, not a smack but a real flogging). My mate was suffering right in front of me.

I had suppressed these nightmares. So regular was my mates being smacked and slapped and verbally humiliated to the point of them pissing themselves in their pants by their mums, I was lucky my mum wasn't as bad. But I do now recall this lady saying mum would have to say violence and charges or she would have to leave. I didn't like the social workers. They said whatever they wanted to get what they wanted. Bullys. They tried to put me up to saying things (all I will say) about dad. As they would put a coke and bag of crisps or chocolate on the desk. The last time this happened I didn't say no I just froze. This time I was older and knew what would happen to dad. Imagine betraying your dad for coke and crisps. I was 7 I think. Sorry I don't want to remember anymore. That all.

My son is not a rapist and neither am I.

Sunday
Aug072016

Paul's personal story

I'm just reading your page on domestic violence orders. I'm in Queensland and my partner has taken one out on me for no apparent reason other than financial gain. We have 5 businesses, 3 multi-million dollar properties, and we are well off. My partner has used the court system to remove me from everything, and she pays for my accommodation where I'm staying. Total control over every movement I make.

I call the police because my partner stalks me but they laugh it off.

She controls all the finances, accountants, business.

Had to sell my Porsche just to survive and it was being vandalised.

Police don't do anything. Courts are doing nothing. I press charges and they do nothing.

Fraud on legal documents. Break and enter and assault on me. Theft from me.

There are so many things but the police don't do anything. I make statements but that's it - nothing happens.

It's a great story. There is not one bit of violence at all from me, just made up lies about me.

And it's just amazing how the police and courts do nothing.

In our businesses we look after people with mental health problems. Unfortunately my partner is suffering from this.

One day she loves me, the next she wants to kill me.

I'm down to my last dollar.

The other night I came home from the movies and a piece of MEAT with a note was there: "Die you c.... you're getting nothing!".

The Police came out and laughed. They took photos but would not do anything.

Look it's a story about a woman abusing the DVO system for financial gain, and mentally abusing me. I never thought a woman would ever do this kind of behaviour. Especially when we love each other so much, and still do.

Example: "I love you come home." I do - silly me. Then work gets on top of her, and she calls the police on me. I'm breached.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Any woman or child that is abused by anyone should go to jail for life.

But in my case I'm the victim. And the courts look at me as though I'm lying and my partner is portrayed as the victim, with no violence at all from me.

And judges don't listen or Police.

It's funny people with money and mental health problems are more dangerous than anyone.

Thursday
Aug042016

Charles' personal story

Shorthand version. At 29, I met what I thought was the perfect woman, we fell in love etc etc etc.

After about 6 months, whilst we were taking precautions, she became pregnant however she decided she would terminate. I felt a great deal of guilt in that situation and she went on for a month about how the whole episode was my fault. I took all the blame, the guilt was real.

We moved in together. All my family lived interstate, I had a busy working life and didnt get out a great deal because of that, so she effectively had me a little isolated.

She would demand sex almost every day. When I was a little tired and not quite up to it, there would be an hour of, you're useless, not a real man etc. Unfortunately, at the time I was drained and still felt guilt over the termination and thought I owed her a great deal for putting her through all that.

Eventually the tirades turned physical. I remember more clearly than others a time when she slapped me and then repeatedly kicked my shins with these particularly hard toes shoes. Eventually I'd had enough of it that day and pushed her down onto the bed directly behind her. I was extremely angry, so locked myself in the bathroom. She left the house.

Later I'd pieced together that she had gone to her parents home and told them I had physically attacked her.

It continued like this for awhile, maybe a year, similar episodes. Until over a few months I'd slowly started to overcome my shame and talk to my friends about it all. They were the ones that I drew strength from to one day turn around and say enough and walk away.

That time trapped in that relationship though is still extremely hard for me to explain. I still cannot entirely fathom how I'd let someone have that power over me to not just deal with it or walk away sooner. I know a lot was to do with guilt and a lot was to do with not feeling worthy of the relationship. I am also a bit of a perfectionist, which really doesn't help either.