Michael's personal story
Monday, March 11, 2019
One in Three Campaign

I agree that it is very difficult to seek support as a male victim of domestic violence. What's even harder is admitting to yourself and those around you that it exists within the four walls of your home. Although our kids seen and experienced most of the abuse I received, it rarely got spoken about and was just swept under the carpet. For me, the constant fear of when the next violent episode would rear it's ugly head was the hardest to deal with. We were together for 22 years. Married for 17 years. Within those 17 years there'd be at least 20 occasions where I'd get kicked out of home for no justified reasons. Sleeping in my car or at work if possible. Then she'd conn me into apologising for whatever she says I've done so i can come home to my kids and family.

She was always angry. Blaming me for everything. She'd throw things at me, scream at the top of her lungs etc. However add alcohol and thats where the problems really start. Sometimes she'd get very angry and would snap into a rage over nothing. On at least 40 occasions the verbal abuse would just pour out until she'd finally get to bed and fall asleep. I'd count my lucky stars it didn't get worse. Kids crying etc etc. Lucky for her she'd be in complete denial the next day and not remember a thing, so you just sweep it under the carpet cause it just couldn't be spoken about. However, on at least 10 occasions it got physical. The drunken rage of terror would range from one or two punches to full blown attacks. I'd defend myself as best I could without ever striking back. As per usual, in the morning it's as if nothing happened. She'd avoid me so she'd not see my scars.

Both kids have also witnessed some of these full on attacks on me. The last time was late last year. One night, after drinking a bottle and a half of red wine she went into a full blown psychotic rage on me for no reason when we left a school fund raising event. I always see it coming. Her eyes start rolling and then she get angry with me over anything. To avoid trouble at the function, I excused myself from the group and took some time to myself outside. When the event finished I went inside to get her and our son. Everyone was staring at me so who knows what she was dribbling on about in my absence.

While I was driving home she back hand punched me in the face. Another couple punches followed. Our son tried restraining her by reaching over the front seat. She then crouched down and repeatedly kicked the crap out of me whilst driving. My instinct was to get her home and into bed. I nearly had 4 accidents on the way home. When we got home the rage of terror continued. Our 16 year old son began to ring the police for assistance. I tried taking the phone off him but he refused. She chased me around the house and threw 2 glasses at me. One missing, and one hitting me “luckily” in the back. Police came, arrested her and put an intervention order on her.

From putting up with abuse and violence all those years it took my 16 year old son to stand up and put a stop to it. I'm now glad I didn't take that phone off him, and I thank him almost daily for doing the right thing and calling the police. She will never get to do that crap to me ever again and it is a fantastic feeling. No more living in fear. No more terror.

My point to anyone reading is, NO ONE DESERVES TO BE TREATED THAT WAY. Don't put up with it, or be embarrassed to admit the truth.

And, for the record... although it may seem tough to find support as a male victim of DV, I have nothing but gratitude and total respect for both the police who attended and the Criminal Investigation Branch. They have been fantastic towards me and have shown the upmost respect and care. I know everyone's case is different but beneath the surface, the support is there. Times are changing and you just need to seek it.

Don't let them get away with it cause if the shoe was on the other foot they would show no mercy. #oneinthree

Article originally appeared on One in Three Campaign (http://www.oneinthree.com.au/).
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