TELL YOUR STORY

If you are a male victim of family violence - domestic violence, violence from other family members, child abuse, elder abuse, sexual assault, or other forms of family violence and abuse - this page is available for you to tell your anonymous story. Please click here to tell your own story. If you feel like you need support, please click here. Stories are moderated to prevent the posting of spam, so it might take a little while for your story to appear on this page.

PERSONAL STORIES FROM MALE VICTIMS OF FAMILY VIOLENCE AND ABUSE

Friday
Dec162016

Paul's personal story

Well I will start by admitting that my wife is a chronic alcoholic and has been for many many years. As the Man of the house I was and am expected by peers to be able to control the violence that takes place. It was not until I began attending Al-Anon that I learnt I could not control her drinking but that is another story.

On with the violence, why do I put up with it and not fight back? Simply because I will never hit or abuse a female under any circumstance!!!

Reading through the stories here I acknowledge and understand that the legal system is not geared towards abuse towards men, in fact they wish to deny the possibility and treat it as a too hard basket. I too hear of the incidents where a man "defends" himself from the wife or partner's violent physical attack and gets arrested for assault on the female. It is unfortunate that when she is sober she is a complete angel but bring alcohol into the equation then things change dramatically. I have a few options to follow,

MOVE OUT!? Ok where is a man to go to find accommodation and besides, I have paid for the home that we share as a marital residence. I have not caused this so why the heck should I move out? Who is going to give or lease a home to a single male? I also have a 20 something YO daughter who lives in the home, It is not her fault, she works part time and can not afford to get her own place. Why would I need to vacate the home and leave her to fend for herself, pay the bills, she can not afford it.

Call the Police? Been there done that and have been through the court system. She has every right to live here, it is the marital home. Bouts of destruction of both the home and MY property result in her return by the court system.

Now to the abuse, Her activities whilst heavily intoxicated range from a cold shoulder to anger and physical violence with everything in between. Denial of intimacy although this has not been a problem with fellow alcoholics and drug abusers behind my back. Fortunately that was in the past, as far as I know but I still have to accept that it did occur. Enter the Mental Health system or should I say the lack of it. Need I go any further with that waste of taxpayers money. Regular appointments for her, when they don't cancel them has done nothing.

So on the supporting carers pension for her perceived depression I can not afford to engage legal professionals to rule in her favour giving her some 50% of the assets. And no doubt instructing me to move out.

So I continue to absorb this abuse and violence as I am a man after all.

Thanks for reading.

Thursday
Dec082016

Mark's personal story

I loved my ex wife. She hit me at times during our marriage including beating me when I was driving and king hitting me in the face. She held a sharp knife and threatened to kill herself and my 3 children. She has threatened to kill my children several times.

In court in 2009 she admitted to leaving my 3 year old daughter, 5 year old son and 7 year old son at home by themselves all day and let them use the microwave and use knives. My ex wife said that in her culture it is acceptable to neglect children. The magistrate ignored the neglect and let her have the kids.

When my ex wife hit me or verbally abused me she would call the police and have me forcibly removed from my house. After several bouts of this the police told me if they came again they'd put a restraining order on me from seeing my children. I had to leave the state to protect my children.

There is a lack of justice in the justice department. I asked for all the school holidays with my children and the magistrate ruled that friendships are more important than spending time with parents. I only have partial holidays. When I moved interstate I got phone calls from local police with reports that I was going to kill myself. I feel threatened by the police even though I am innocent.

The legal system is unfair. I can't afford legal service, yet my ex wife is married, living with her husband and getting free legal aid, based on her single parent status from Centrelink.

Friday
Nov252016

Patrick's personal story

Good afternoon, my name is Sherlyn and I am submitting this story on behalf of my cousin. I came across your site literally trying to cope with the death of my cousin Patrick. He was stabbed by his girlfriend in the heart and died in the hospital 11/13/16.

He had expressed to my mother and his mother of being woken up by her dashing a bucket of water in his face while sleeping to find her over him with a knife. So the signs were there.

The last time I saw my cousin was May 2016, it had been about 2 years. He lived in California and I live in Nevada. So it was a nice surprise. He was in such distressed state and told me he was so upset he got a call that same day to find out she destroyed his car. I really cannot say why he stayed in such a toxic relationship.

I am writing this to see if there are any resources I can advise my aunt and family of to help with his funeral services or anything for his children that are now fatherless. I have set him up a go fund me account because that is the only thing I could think of.

More people need to be made aware that men are victims of domestic violence and are ultimately killed. My heart is broken and our family is really lost. Please any insight to help us is appreciated. The link to the go fund me is listed below. Thanks kindly for taking the time out to read this.

https://www.gofundme.com/patrick-s-longsworth-memorial

Thursday
Nov172016

M's personal story

I was abused by my now ex wife, physically many times and verbally continuously. I should have left after the first time it was physical but I guess I made excuses of it being a one off, to this day I'm ashamed I didn't. I still have the photos of my purple bruised chest after she had the second episode, again why I didn't leave is beyond me. She said if I ever did the same she'd have an AVO out on me, why I felt I couldn't do the same thing I guess is cultural. She would have been right to do so if I ever did but why couldn't I? The third time ended the marriage in my head, not that I escaped it all because I couldn't talk about what had happened to me so I guess I suffered in silence.

At the end in the last hope attempts via counselling I again was made to feel like it was nothing by the counsellor. She brushed it off as something that was a nothing, Made it sound as though I had been abused as a child for not being able to get over it. That is my last attempt at counselling, that one person has turned me off it for good.

To this day my ex still tries to control me knowing i'll never tell anyone about her indiscretions. Maybe I just should.

Friday
Nov112016

Lawrence's personal story

I have been married for over 20 years and I am so glad to have found this site and other men who have experienced psychotic and violent wives. My wife has an extremely loud voice and personality but the dark side of her is that she regularly loses control and snaps.

It should have been a wake up call to this behaviour the first time it happened but I did not realise it would become a pattern that would just never stop. The first time, just after we were married, we were crossing a busy street and the traffic separated us as we crossed. When we reached the other side, I copped a fire storm of verbal abuse from her that would make a sailor blush. I was accused of abandoning her, not loving her... and a raft of other 'crimes' simply because I did not hold her hand; all this in a very loud voice for several minutes in front of a crowded commuter bus on a main road.

This form of loud, indiscriminate, unreasonable verbal assault continued for the entire duration of our 21 years; in family gatherings, public places, parties, on trains, anywhere. On one (of several in front of the children), she completely lost control and the barrage was so loud, foul and destructive, I had to lock myself in a room with our three small children and cover their ears with pillows so they wouldn't hear, while she banged on the door insisting that I needed to hear what she had to say.

I may have more hope, trust and faith in a rosy future than I do brains because I have only recently become aware of the cycle of violence that is being perpetuated here. I didn't even know there was such a thing as a 'cycle of violence.' She has been verbally abusing me and our children for all this time. She has blamed me for ALL of her shortcomings and unhappiness. She seems incapable of taking personal responsibility for her actions and uses me as a scapegoat.

There is a pattern or lifestyle she is trapped in that simply won't change unless something changes. My friends are warning me even now that she won't change. I have been made to feel ashamed, blamed, useless, disrespected, humiliated, embarrassed, threatened and most certainly un-loved. She will abuse and then 'return to reason' and lose all memory of the pain she has caused and I, like a fool have fallen asleep in these times and trusted again and again, but now I'm too tired of the pattern and I have had enough. I see my kids adopting coping mechanisms to deal with it. I don't think that is good enough.