TELL YOUR STORY

If you are a male victim of family violence - domestic violence, violence from other family members, child abuse, elder abuse, sexual assault, or other forms of family violence and abuse - this page is available for you to tell your anonymous story. Please click here to tell your own story. If you feel like you need support, please click here. Stories are moderated to prevent the posting of spam, so it might take a little while for your story to appear on this page.

PERSONAL STORIES FROM MALE VICTIMS OF FAMILY VIOLENCE AND ABUSE

Friday
Nov252016

Patrick's personal story

Good afternoon, my name is Sherlyn and I am submitting this story on behalf of my cousin. I came across your site literally trying to cope with the death of my cousin Patrick. He was stabbed by his girlfriend in the heart and died in the hospital 11/13/16.

He had expressed to my mother and his mother of being woken up by her dashing a bucket of water in his face while sleeping to find her over him with a knife. So the signs were there.

The last time I saw my cousin was May 2016, it had been about 2 years. He lived in California and I live in Nevada. So it was a nice surprise. He was in such distressed state and told me he was so upset he got a call that same day to find out she destroyed his car. I really cannot say why he stayed in such a toxic relationship.

I am writing this to see if there are any resources I can advise my aunt and family of to help with his funeral services or anything for his children that are now fatherless. I have set him up a go fund me account because that is the only thing I could think of.

More people need to be made aware that men are victims of domestic violence and are ultimately killed. My heart is broken and our family is really lost. Please any insight to help us is appreciated. The link to the go fund me is listed below. Thanks kindly for taking the time out to read this.

https://www.gofundme.com/patrick-s-longsworth-memorial

Thursday
Nov172016

M's personal story

I was abused by my now ex wife, physically many times and verbally continuously. I should have left after the first time it was physical but I guess I made excuses of it being a one off, to this day I'm ashamed I didn't. I still have the photos of my purple bruised chest after she had the second episode, again why I didn't leave is beyond me. She said if I ever did the same she'd have an AVO out on me, why I felt I couldn't do the same thing I guess is cultural. She would have been right to do so if I ever did but why couldn't I? The third time ended the marriage in my head, not that I escaped it all because I couldn't talk about what had happened to me so I guess I suffered in silence.

At the end in the last hope attempts via counselling I again was made to feel like it was nothing by the counsellor. She brushed it off as something that was a nothing, Made it sound as though I had been abused as a child for not being able to get over it. That is my last attempt at counselling, that one person has turned me off it for good.

To this day my ex still tries to control me knowing i'll never tell anyone about her indiscretions. Maybe I just should.

Friday
Nov112016

Lawrence's personal story

I have been married for over 20 years and I am so glad to have found this site and other men who have experienced psychotic and violent wives. My wife has an extremely loud voice and personality but the dark side of her is that she regularly loses control and snaps.

It should have been a wake up call to this behaviour the first time it happened but I did not realise it would become a pattern that would just never stop. The first time, just after we were married, we were crossing a busy street and the traffic separated us as we crossed. When we reached the other side, I copped a fire storm of verbal abuse from her that would make a sailor blush. I was accused of abandoning her, not loving her... and a raft of other 'crimes' simply because I did not hold her hand; all this in a very loud voice for several minutes in front of a crowded commuter bus on a main road.

This form of loud, indiscriminate, unreasonable verbal assault continued for the entire duration of our 21 years; in family gatherings, public places, parties, on trains, anywhere. On one (of several in front of the children), she completely lost control and the barrage was so loud, foul and destructive, I had to lock myself in a room with our three small children and cover their ears with pillows so they wouldn't hear, while she banged on the door insisting that I needed to hear what she had to say.

I may have more hope, trust and faith in a rosy future than I do brains because I have only recently become aware of the cycle of violence that is being perpetuated here. I didn't even know there was such a thing as a 'cycle of violence.' She has been verbally abusing me and our children for all this time. She has blamed me for ALL of her shortcomings and unhappiness. She seems incapable of taking personal responsibility for her actions and uses me as a scapegoat.

There is a pattern or lifestyle she is trapped in that simply won't change unless something changes. My friends are warning me even now that she won't change. I have been made to feel ashamed, blamed, useless, disrespected, humiliated, embarrassed, threatened and most certainly un-loved. She will abuse and then 'return to reason' and lose all memory of the pain she has caused and I, like a fool have fallen asleep in these times and trusted again and again, but now I'm too tired of the pattern and I have had enough. I see my kids adopting coping mechanisms to deal with it. I don't think that is good enough.

Sunday
Nov062016

Tristan's personal story

I don't feel safe at my Dad's house because my Dad's girlfriend hits me all the time and I want to stay at school because school is safer than at the house.

Thursday
Oct272016

Joe's personal story

I have copped it twice.

The first time was over a decade ago, with my second girlfriend. Alarm bells should have rung when I initially met her family. Plenty of children, no fathers. All women referred to the fathers in their families as 'sperm donors'. I believe initially I was just an escape from the rest of her family, as within months, despite not really wanting to move in that quickly, we were living together.

Our home was constantly a mess. I'm not the neatest of people, but I do clean up after myself. She wasn't so much into that. So despite working two jobs, it was up to me to do all the housework, as well as clean up her mess.

Going out to do the shopping was an ordeal, a T-shirt and tracksuit pants weren't good enough to go to the supermarket. I had to wear a nice shirt and trousers, and that was just the start. The real fun began any time we had to stand in a queue. 'Look at that fat bitch. She needs a good smack. What a dick. Why can't she hurry her fat ass up.' Of course these lines only came out if there was another male with the other woman. Which usually resulted in a very pissed off boyfriend fronting up to me about my girlfriend's behaviour.

Not being a jealous guy, I had no worries with her going out clubbing to all hours, but when a mutual friend went with her and told me she had been popping ecstasy and disappearing off with other men, I was devastated. Asking her about the drugs was the beginning of the end, and that set off months of 'You're shit. Your family is shit. Your mother is a scumbag and can't cook for shit. Your dad (who passed away 6 months before I met her) must have been useless to have produced you.' Those months involved me leaving the house at all sorts of hours and walking a couple of hours back to my family home.

The last of it was having her start another screaming match, when I decided enough was enough. I tried to leave. She got louder, then stood at the door of my car, refusing to let me leave, whilst getting louder and screaming 'go on, hit me' (I never have and never will raise my hand against a woman, it's just not worth it). Eventually I walked away, and came back a day later to collect my car and my belongings.

I was visited by the police that night with a summons for an Intervention Order, as I had apparently entered HER home uninvited, and had been calling her and threatening her.

10 years later she showed up on a worksite I was working at. I was that terrified I actually warned my boss that if any strange complaints came up about me from someone with the surname of *her surname* to ask me first. She showed up again a day later, and started causing trouble in a store that was part of my worksite, claiming her purse had been stolen. When I arrived to investigate, I was absolutely pumped when the store staff said to me 'Geez she's a complete unreasonable bitch!' "Yep. Shes my ex".

The second story is for another time, but involves a fiancee and her sister, both alcoholics, and me being literally trapped in the UK, with no family, no money, and no way to return home to Australia...