TELL YOUR STORY

If you are a male victim of family violence - domestic violence, violence from other family members, child abuse, elder abuse, sexual assault, or other forms of family violence and abuse - this page is available for you to tell your anonymous story. Please click here to tell your own story. If you feel like you need support, please click here. Stories are moderated to prevent the posting of spam, so it might take a little while for your story to appear on this page.

PERSONAL STORIES FROM MALE VICTIMS OF FAMILY VIOLENCE AND ABUSE

Monday
Apr052010

Royston

I have a long history of being a victim of domestic violence and still suffer from the consequences. My ex was found guilty of 150 breaches of the intervention order I have against her. She got off with a good behaviour bond. Then she was found guilty of criminal damage and got off with another good behaviour bond. She re-directed, opened and withheld my mail for two weeks, was found guilty (by Australia Post investigations) of three federal acts, but the DPP refused to charge her.

She breached the intervention order another 80 times and was charged by police with stalking. She commissioned a man (who pretended to be an off-duty police officer) to assault me. He was found guilty of assault. Two years later she got a 2-year jail sentence for the Stalking charge but it was suspended for 3 years. She swore a false rape statement to police, but no charges were laid. She admitted making the allegation then offered to withdraw it if I dropped the stalking case against her.

Although knowingly making a false statement to police is a criminal offense, Victoria police have been instructed not to prosecute women for knowingly making false rape allegations. Eventually she was declared a vexatious litigant under the new Victorian Family Violence Protection Act.

She has destroyed my career and my relationship with our younger daughter. Despite Family Court Orders giving me 40% residency, she has prevented me having any contact with her for the last 6 years, and the child exhibits advanced stage of parental alienation syndrome. At every stage the police and courts have given her the benefit of the doubt, except when I have produced overwhelming concrete evidence.

She has not spend a single night in custody, paid a dollar in fines or done a moments community work order. Despite receiving $940,000 in our divorce settlement, had had massive handouts from government. She has also prevented me from receiving any government pension by falsely telling Centrelink that I own a block of 21 apartments.

I am happy to provide evidence of all of the above should you require. I have only told you a fraction of what she did to me. She has a permanent "get out of jail free" card!

Friday
Jan292010

Aunt M

I was with my nephew last night and didn’t get home until quite late. His wife has taken a DVO out against him, he is very down and I am quite worried about him.

Apparently he has been a victim of domestic violence throughout his marriage, she used to hit him with baseball bats, kick and hit him all the time. She has had affairs and is now living with the new man, it was all a bit much for him and he pushed her again.

Horrible situation, just giving him some backing and non judgemental support at the moment.

Thank-you for finding these websites, I have read with interest about what is obviously a very silent problem.

The sad part with D... is that we all saw him change from a happy, light-hearted practical-joking young man to a withdrawn, very unhappy person. It was often commented on at family get togethers, but never really questioned the radical change that occurred over the 16 years of his marriage.

Never thought that anything like that was happening, we all knew that his wife was moody, clingy and emotional and just put it down to that.

I so wish now that I had gone on instincts and asked, I often used to say to him that if he ever needed anybody to talk to I was there, but I didn’t understand the depth of his unhappiness and situation. It is so easy to just think it can’t be that bad!!

I really want to be able to help now, help him find the courage to get passed the hurt, guilt and embarrassment, he’s only talked to my niece and me about everything and that was last night.

Please use what you think will be useful and thank-you for listening and caring, it has been great to be able to share with someone.

Thursday
Dec312009

Alan

I thought it was all my fault. My girlfriend is regularly emotionally and psychologically abusive towards me and I just can’t take any more. It has broken me down so much that I really don’t feel like I am worth anything or even care about myself. She tells me everything that is wrong is automatically my fault, I have to ask permission before I do anything, and if I do anything that she doesn’t like, she will make me pay. She regularly will start arguments with me when I try to go to sleep, telling me that I don’t talk to her and then she continually talks over the top of me and never lets me say anything. Once she gets started, it never stops, it always escalates.

She will yell at me late at night, sometimes for hours and I end up sleeping on the street and going to work on two hours sleep, she hits me or throws objects at me. She has tipped bottles of water over me when I am sitting down or lying down, pulled me out of bed when I am asleep, thrown food around the house and hit me with shoes or her fists. She used to take my glasses, phone and wallet off me and refuse to give them back. She threatens to ring my work and try to get me fired. The list just goes on.

I can’t take any more so now I just try and leave as soon as I see some of this coming, which is almost every night. If she sees me going she will stop me and stand in front of the door and hit me and grab me and refuse to let me go. If I do manage to get out, she often tries to bar the door and refuses to let me into the house. If I come back hours later to try and get a few hours sleep before going to work, she often assaults me again. And after all of this she tells me it is all my fault. Before I looked on the internet I didn’t think this sort of stuff happened to men, but I don’t know how to stop it and get away.

Twice I have left and both times she has threatened to call my job, my parents, the police, or threatened to harm herself if I don’t come back, and I have come back. But it is just getting worse. I don’t have any family or friends here to help me and I have nowhere else to go. It just feels like it will never end. If I tell her she is abusing me she just mocks me. I don’t know how to get away from her.

Monday
Dec282009

Peter

In the 1980s when I was working as a carer for severely handicapped men, four with cerebral palsy told they had been molested by a female staff member on her night shifts. These incidents involved fondling through to sexual intercourse. Two of the men told me they “enjoyed” the experience whilst the other two did not, with one of them claiming angrily and with tears he had been raped. It also turned out she had been taking sexually explicit photographs during the incidents. The latter man reported the incident which launched an brief internal investigation finding that the woman staffer had engaged in misconduct, but she admitted only to the photographs and was sacked from her job even though the men in question were adamant about the sexual molestation. The incident was hushed with no criminal conviction sought. Why this never drew a criminal investigation or made the newspapers bewilders me to this day.

Thursday
Dec032009

Steven

My girlfriend’s father was bipolar and committed suicide. Two siblings died of cystic fibrosis. She grew increasingly violent past age 40. Two women who ran the local safe house knew me and her. I taught one of their sons tennis. When I would restrain her she would get marks on her arm and say “we fought”.

A former partner of hers was asked to not bring her to parties because she would drink and get violent. She was wonderful most of the time - kind, sweet, loving, sexy - but she would “go off” unpredictably.

The last time she went off I didn’t restrain her (my mother was extremely abusive and if I didn’t let her hit and slap me, if I ducked, she would get my step-dad after me so I stuck it out with my mom and then with my girlfriend).

I taught self-defence, karate, lifted weights, was in police work but you can’t be on guard 24/7. I decided not to restrain her the last time and she gave me a black eye and split lip (I have had therapy since and understand why I accepted her violence). When the women from the safe house saw me, I explained what had happened. They were sure, because I am male, that I “must have had it coming”. It's a long story but I found a counsellor, a woman, who believed me - social services. Just luck because a lesbian feminist man-hater worked there and for her the guys were always wrong.

Depressed, suicidal, the counsellor told me to walk away for the sake of my two young children. I walked away. Today, happily married, for many years, I can’t believe I put up with it but like women who grew up with abuse and found an abuser, I did the same.

When the women at the safe house were confronted, I told them that if I had pushed her they would have reported me - cops, restraining orders and such - but her blows to my face meant nothing to them. Later one of the women was slapped by her mom. “There is no excuse for DV” didn’t apply to her mom. Her mom had mental health problems. Right. A man slaps and he is a DV perp. A woman does it and there is always an excuse.

Take care.