TELL YOUR STORY

If you are a male victim of family violence - domestic violence, violence from other family members, child abuse, elder abuse, sexual assault, or other forms of family violence and abuse - this page is available for you to tell your anonymous story. Please click here to tell your own story. If you feel like you need support, please click here. Stories are moderated to prevent the posting of spam, so it might take a little while for your story to appear on this page.

PERSONAL STORIES FROM MALE VICTIMS OF FAMILY VIOLENCE AND ABUSE

Friday
Oct142016

Duncan's personal story

I've been in a relationship with my ex for 13 years. I haven't lived with her for 6. I should have left the first time she hit me and I don't know why I didn't (it's been very Jerry Springer). Over that time we have had many arguments where I've been hit bashed with iron bars.

Whenever I go to the police they laugh at me and question "why do I go back?". 10 years ago after one of these bashings she left the house, went to the police, made false allegations and I was arrested without bail. After spending 16 days in cells she retracted and the charges were dropped.

Over time I have lost all my friends and had most of my stuff smashed. We have children and they are used as a tool to control me.

The last time she snapped and assaulted me was bad. I left the house to report it. When I got to the police station I was laughed at and told to leave (the police have been disciplined about this). While I was at the station she called the police and the end result is I'm now charged with assault. Not her, me! This is crazy. I'm told by my lawyer to plead guilty or go to gaol. I refuse to plead guilty. With all the crackdown on family violence male to woman I'm going to gaol.

The only thing keeping me alive at the moment is my children. If I'm found guilty I intend to go on a hunger strike as I'm not a monster and as I'm male I'm presumed guilty and have to prove my innocence. I left school at 13 and don't know how to write.

I need help. I'm now falling off a cliff and the whole social services don't wanna help as when I tell them I'm charged with assaulting my partner they don't want to know. Please help!

Friday
Sep232016

Heidi's personal story

Ever since I can remember, growing up in our household was a nightmare. My father endured 32 years of abuse from my mother and no one would help. He had asked her father to help but his reply was, “She is your wife - you deal with it.” My mother used to beat, bite and verbally abuse my father. She would throw boiling hot coffee on him (when he would fall asleep in his chair after working a 15 hour day), try to stab him with knives and hit him whenever she had the chance. She would constantly tell him that he was a homosexual because he took too much time in the toilet (by her standards), tell him he was useless, and separated him from his family and friends. As this was happening I used to ask him why he doesn't take us and leave? He would say, “Marriage is for life and I believe in my vows.” My mother passed away a good 5 years ago now, and now he has my brother to deal with who is the same. I love my Dad and believe he is just one of the strongest men I know. Male abuse is real and I believe that something should be done about it. Equal rights for men also.

Friday
Sep162016

James' personal story

When I was 20 I was in one of my first relationships with another man. Eventually we moved in together. I had strong feelings for him because I was young, new to the city and struggling financially. When we were together he would restrict my access to media, I wasn't allowed to contact my family or even read the news; I had to concentrate on him constantly. He was very restrictive in anything I did and if it was questioned he threatened to leave me.

One morning we got into an argument which resulted in me being beat and strangled to the point where I thought I was going to die. I managed to get out of there and stay with my friends for a few days while I found temporary accommodation in Sydney with my family (I lived in Melbourne). The stigma was hard as my family wasn't supportive of my sexuality and thought it was just 2 men in an argument. I reported it to police who were somewhat supportive of me. After filing a statement of no complaint and getting back together (I had no where to go, everyone was telling me it was my fault for getting him angry and needed the financial support) I also withdrew the intervention orders. After this I was locked out of my own house and left on the street. He had gotten back together with me so that I could withdraw my complaint. I suffered from extreme depression, generalised anxiety disorder and attempted suicide twice. It was very difficult for me. I have never been able to trust a partner the same since.

After a slew of false accusations against me with no evidence and out of pocket paying for lawyers to defend myself I am living my life comfortably and happy away from him. I changed my phone numbers, my life, and my job. I recently did an Freedom of Information Request to find the information from years ago. This found a female police officer described me as the aggressor because I approached him and started an argument.

There is a massive gap here in same-sex relationships and I think there needs to be a discussion about violence against men.

Thursday
Sep082016

Mister Penguin's personal story

I am Mister Penguin. I am 17 years old. I am a senior in high school right now. I was in an abusive relationship for 1 year and 8 months with a lovely girl by the name of Toucan. Toucan was fun, we had a lot of fun times together, but what I failed to see was the abuse. She would constantly say that I was cheating on her with one of my friends (that was a girl) or not spending enough time with her. On top of that, she would twist my nipples and hit me in the groin for not being civil (example: picking nose in public).

She also made me feel like a failure, she held grudges, she put ideas in my head about other people on how "they are thinking poorly of you, they are only making fun of you" or "people are naturally evil". We had sexual intercourse which was why I stayed, but the thing is. I retaliated in a bad way, i'd force a 2nd round of sex on her, and she would say no, I would get mad, throw stuff, but never hit her.

She eventually broke things off with me saying that there were people who wanted me dead, calling me screwed up, saying I needed help, saying I was a freak, and turning who I thought were my friends against me. I felt terrible, every day, I wrote a letter describing how I felt. For 3 weeks, I wrote, I delivered the letters to Toucan on May 27th 2014. I asked for her back and for her forgiveness. I got forgiveness, but I didn't get her back, we both knew it wouldn't work out.

Eventually, I went to a mental hospital for 5 weeks due to suicidal thoughts and anxiety. It's August now, and I started my senior year at a new school to get away from her. I had to leave school today to get away from people due to the fear of crowds she gave me. I used to be normal, I used to be able to talk to people and be able to have fun, now that's all gone, I lost friends, I almost lost my family, but what I lost was myself.

Toucan, if you are reading this, I forgive you, but you broke me, I broke you. I wish you knew how it was for me, how much I have suffered because of you. and the sad thing is. I still love you. My name is Mister Penguin, and I have been abused for 1 year and 8 months, and each day was living hell, it still is hell, it feels like no one is here, it feels like I'm all alone, it feels like everyone knows what I did and they don't care about my story. Logically, I know this is false, but inside, that's how it feels. I know I will get over with this, but I don't have a lot of time, I have to return to school soon and I have to face the crowds. I'm scared, and I'm alone.

Thursday
Sep012016

Steve's personal story

My story is like the others. I met a narcissist partner, she hooked me with her sad story of how mistreated she was by her exes. I should have seen the signs which I did but still her delusions of grandeur for us and pressure to commit worked. She had 4 kids and different dads and told me the first 2 boys' dad was a violent criminal and never saw his boys and boy number 3's dad left when she fell pregnant. And number 4 boy's father was abusive to her boys and her and also was having a affair. The guy before me with her went to court over DV claims but they both got protection orders. And both other fathers I was told had DV on them and the 1st father had a 5 year DV which she was proud of putting on him but she admitted to me of setting him up and getting him assaulted badly and then ran off with the boys.

The violence started with me when she tried to get a guy at a party to go bash her ex-boyfriend with DVO. When I confronted her she assaulted me but true borderline personality disorder she convinced me she was drugged and didn't remember the event just days after. I believed her version and she was a perfect partner for months then she pressured me in moving in and I did.

Then she told me she was pregnant then the abuse and violence started. And her sons were 17, 15, 12 & 3 yrs old. The boys were also violent to each other and the 15 yr old was attacking his mother and myself, even police were called numerous times but this boy was like her as she was violent to her boys assaulting them with punching and hitting, and using objects to smash the children in the face. I was shocked but she said it's because of being pregnant and often threatened to kill our unborn son. She did attempt it by taking a lot of tablets which devastated me.

I was on the phone to 000, she said "I will just deny it" and became calm whist on the phone. I rang the police when she was assaulting me she said "who will they believe?" and started hitting herself in the face, "go on" she said. It was a constant threat for me to leave the house and the emotional and physical abuse continued and her son went into child safety care as he continually assaulted us.

Our son was born and it didn't take long for it start again. She tried to kill me and my survival instinct saved my life, she then was suicidal, getting a knife, and asked me to take our son and leave which I did. But then she rang the police stating that I had abducted a breastfed baby. Lucky I had friends talking to her - they told the police the real story.

I was the stay at home dad for for my child's safety plus she was talking me into dropping the DV on her and that she was seeking professional help. I thought things would change and felt sorry for her mental health issues. I was the stay at home dad for our son till 20 months then she couldn't get a job so I did. But her son moved back home and the violence started again and they kicked me out. I then did 50/50 shared care of our son but 6 months after it was working well, she got a new vehicle and had huge payments. So she didn't hand my son back and went to the courts and put a DV order on me and haven't had any contact with our son for over 3 months.

I was shocked and had no rights to see my son. She was the abuser and I put a DV order on her which she consented in court to the order. She even admitted to threats to kill our son and other crazy stuff in her response to the DV. And I am still fighting her DVO. She has no evidence but I have a real strict temp order.

I finally got some contact with my son, but only 1 weekend a fortnight, no more. But her violent son spends all day with my son playing Xbox adult games and I have no right to see him until it goes to the family court. My son just turned 3. He is now violent to me and my family. He smashes toys into my face and punches me in the face closed fist which his 18 year old brother taught him. I told this 18 year old not to teach him fighting. He is 2. But now my son cuddles into me, saying "hide". I asked why. He said mummy scared of daddy. But he told me mummy has a daddy in her room. My son is on the Protection Order and I rang both the Police and Child safety and no one cares.

This is DV to my son and me, this scaring my son to be afraid of daddy is emotional harm and if he is scared of the new daddy in his mum's room as he sleeps there too. It's just wrong and extremely worrying for myself but I have no rights at all but she has a 2 year Protection Order against her. So I as a victim have no rights and Police say "see the courts about it".

So 4 years of her abuse and now I still am under control with no extra contact allowed so my son gets taught to hate his dad by them and be violent to his dad. So this Protection Order means shit. I had 50/50 week about and now 6 nights a month. If she had the DV order on me and I was suicidal, I wouldn't get to see my son but she can because of her gender. And her son even has other assault charges on him but they both have my son and I have no previous police history or DV history.

The mother has and keeps my son just for financial gain and to hurt me. My son is 3 years old, still in nappies, and this is child number 5 for her. Great parenting skills putting a child in front of an Xbox! This system doesn't help fathers at all and legal aid is a joke. No orders no rights no money no chance. Fathers get screwed over again. So my son becomes violent like herself and her boys and gets told untrue bad things about dad.

When is there going to be someone to stand up for the child's right to see his father that has always protected him but legal loopholes and a malicious mother have taken boy number 5 away from another father. Well this violence/child safety issues has gone a few generations with the grandmother, mother & her boys. How can a father win when laws protect violent mothers. Just because she hasn't been charged doesn't mean it doesn't happen and all the fathers were violent only... this violence is always around the mother.

She has taken the child's right to spend time with the father away and the law gives her the right to do it. Any lawyers out there wanting to help my son from harm? Because legal aid sucks. If only I had the funds then I might have a chance. Staying strong because I love my son, lucky he gives me strength to survive this ordeal. All fathers out there be patient. Hopefully justice will come and the child will not be harmed too much. And the courts will still enable you to have contact so the child can see you. Love them regardless of the lies told to them. Good luck fathers.