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John's personal story

Last year I broke up with my partner following our 3 year relationship from hell. But those three years were nothing compared to what happened next, ranging from dragging my name through the mud, making false accusations against me, threatening to kill our children, and parading her psychotic antics at every court I got dragged through. All of these things I had proof of as I recorded conversations of it but due to privacy laws it was worth its weight in s**t.

Due to her being psychotic I eventually got the kids placed into my care. But I was required to attend court about twice a month. As I work I'm not funded by legal aid as she was and at $1200 a hearing and 5 months later I was financially and emotionally destroyed. In comparison I felt like I just did five rounds in the octagon with Georges St-Pierre. I got my ass kicked at every turn.

Out of options and not knowing what to do I was desperate to come to a resolution. As my lawyer was asking for more money which I didn't have, I gave in to my ex. I fell for that “I miss you and our babies" sob story. “I have been seeing my psych and have been getting help,” “I promise I'll change and treat you better”. As it's not in my nature to be vindictive, revengeful or spiteful I set aside the fact that she tried to blackmail me into returning to her by threatening to have me charged with rape (which she actually tried to do, I recorded the conversation. It's the only reason why I'm not in jail. I got arrested over it). She even informed me that the longer I take to sort things out the harder she is going to financially ruin me.

I set aside the stalking and harassment she put me through. I didn't really have a choice as my expensive lawyer struggled with hers. I wasn't looking forward to self-representation. Anyway I returned to her and the crap has started again and I'm laying on the couch at 2:30am thinking about taking out a life insurance policy, leaving my kids as the beneficiaries and hanging myself as soon as possible cause I can't take this abuse no more and I'm too scared to ask the system for help as there is none for me, as I'm a man and men don't get abused - only woman can.

I understand some tragic and horrific things have happened to some women at the hands of their arsehole boyfriends. I know it's awful. It shouldn't happen and I feel their pain as I'm going through it too, but unlike them I don't get taken seriously, the help available for them isn't there for me. I speak out about the abuse and I get looked at like I'm a fool. Like it's not possible.

How can you say men can't be abused because they're stronger and able to protect themselves so they're not vulnerable. But completely ignore the fact if that's the case we become the abusers. There's no hope, no light and no way out. My heart goes out to you, all the men and woman and children out there going through this. I pray they find the strength each day to get through it. I know I'm struggling.

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