Chris' personal story
Thursday, November 23, 2017
One in Three Campaign

I was the frog that got caught in the pot of water. I met my ex wife through mutual friends and our romance bloomed, probably a bit too quickly. Within three months I had moved in with her and her three kids from a previous marriage. My love for her was immense and I enjoyed spending time with her. As our relationship progressed, dark clouds started to appear on the horizon. I was very intimate about my past, feelings and hopes for the future. She never seemed to reciprocate and was quite sketchy about her past, and failed relationships/marriage. What she did mention about her past marriage quite evidently later was a lie.

We progressed as a couple and we eventually took the plunge and decided to build a house together. After this we had our own son together and we eventually married within 4 years. Once we settled down in the new house things took a change for the worse. I was constantly accused of cheating. She would be constantly checking my phone, emails & wallet. One instance she confronted me about an SMS from a fellow female coworker. The SMS was about time what we would meet on site. She took this as hookup time. Nothing I said or do could get convince her otherwise. She went into a rage that built and built. I eventually went to bed and she later that night shook me awake screaming in my ears my name. Later the next morning she woke like nothing happened.

She would start arguments over trivial things that went round in circles and I seemed I could not solve. Issues from the past constantly came up and it was like fighting the past. She would never open up intimately about her feelings and whenever I tried to about mine I was swatted away and told to deal with them. I kept on trying to sweep them under the carpet, trying to look for the wife that I married but it seemed like I was throwing life down a well with a big crack down below.

I travel quite a bit with my work, and it became apparent she was starting to alienate me from my son. I would ring in the evening and would ask to speak to him. She would say he was asleep, but I could hear him in the background, or she would simply say that he would not want to speak to me. The arguments continued through the relationship and she would say she would get better, but she never did. I felt that I was ignored and I was just a passenger in the family. No matter what I did the goalposts seemed to change daily.

We returned from a recent family vacation to the US and without any warning she asked for a separation. It all seemed odd and and after a bit of investigation it was revealed that she had been having an affair with a co-worker for the last 7 months. On discovery that I had found out, her hostility to me increased. My self worth was destroyed, and she made out our relationship to be fit and of my imagination. The gaslighting, projection and lies were horrendous. It became quickly evident she had begun a smear campaign against me with close friends and family. I was lucky that I had the evidence I needed to prove otherwise. This further enraged her and the emotional abuse and threats of physical abuse increased.

Since separation she has done everything in her power to financially and emotionally control me. It seemed like and still feel like she wants to hold on to cause more pain. My mother in law in passing one day smirked and casually said to me "don't mess with a borderline" and she walked off. I have great friends and family, but this is the most traumatic ordeal I have faced.

Article originally appeared on One in Three Campaign (http://www.oneinthree.com.au/).
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