Randall's personal story

I have kept my situation quiet hoping for change here at home and never getting it but broken promises, hopes shattered, it's finally enough. I will not stoop to the level of my wife. I will not be carted off in a police van because no one will believe me and men must be responsible somehow. Disproportionate response by her and by any definition pure psych, verbal, physical abuse. I have made my first appointment with a a counselling centre today for me to spill my guts.

I used to want to be a loving husband, supportive, caring, protector. Now I am anxious about what I might coming home to her if she is unbalanced and/or drinking. I've been threatened with physical harm, silence, blame “if you used a different tone none of this would have happened"... or if you came to me in some unknown “different” way it would be different, or basically it's all your fault. Physical abuse (no longer defend myself and I have lost it a couple of times and very remorseful that I was goaded to her level) verbal abuse ("piece of shit” plus much more), derogatory comments from penis size!! to somehow hurt me? continued contact she defended with ex-boyfriend of 9 months “he understands me”, kicked, spat at, slapped, pushed down a staircase, lit cigarette flicked in my face, poked in my face (last night), shirt-fronted (last night again), room burst into at 3am outburst again, accusations unfounded, punching.

We sleep in step rooms and I was angrily told “she would shoot me on sight if I went into her room” well she's from Brooklyn but doesn't own a gun... yet. She has had childhood PTSD from my research (to help why things are so crazy)... undiagnosed and unresolved. Refuses pro help and uses our marriage to express her lack of love for herself and damaged self-esteem from my estimation but if there's a problem with us I can't express and she uses intimidation. I have moved heaven and earth for her in 3, yes only 3 years of marriage. (My second marriage) And I have a lot of shite to deal with, more than I bargained for, with little support from anywhere, I drink, am depressed can't see how I can get her out of my life without ending up in a Salvo hostel I'm so invested.

I paid her visa etc married her here and helped her move from the USA. No kids between! All last nights screaming & physical disproportionate anger is never acknowledged, it is all my fault. She will take NO responsibility for her actions. Including her verbal and physical assault. Now it's escalating happening weekly. Loud loud yelling (while I keep it low so can never get a word in, stomped, my views dismissed, not heard). Today at work she sent me 19 texts including telling me what abusive relationships look like... abuse in itself. Would like us to be more spiritual and yet disrespects herself and her marriage.

I look forward to my session so I can understand if I really am in an abusive marriage or is this normal? I was in a 20 year ex-marriage. Violence against men is real... we must make men feel less shamed and respect that men can suffer too... And not in their own silence!!! I want to hear and co-support from blokes who are hanging on and trying to maintain dignity in the face of adversity from the person that want to love yours but just cannot... are anxious, feeling shamed, misunderstood.