Mister Penguin's personal story
Thursday, September 8, 2016
One in Three Campaign

I am Mister Penguin. I am 17 years old. I am a senior in high school right now. I was in an abusive relationship for 1 year and 8 months with a lovely girl by the name of Toucan. Toucan was fun, we had a lot of fun times together, but what I failed to see was the abuse. She would constantly say that I was cheating on her with one of my friends (that was a girl) or not spending enough time with her. On top of that, she would twist my nipples and hit me in the groin for not being civil (example: picking nose in public).

She also made me feel like a failure, she held grudges, she put ideas in my head about other people on how "they are thinking poorly of you, they are only making fun of you" or "people are naturally evil". We had sexual intercourse which was why I stayed, but the thing is. I retaliated in a bad way, i'd force a 2nd round of sex on her, and she would say no, I would get mad, throw stuff, but never hit her.

She eventually broke things off with me saying that there were people who wanted me dead, calling me screwed up, saying I needed help, saying I was a freak, and turning who I thought were my friends against me. I felt terrible, every day, I wrote a letter describing how I felt. For 3 weeks, I wrote, I delivered the letters to Toucan on May 27th 2014. I asked for her back and for her forgiveness. I got forgiveness, but I didn't get her back, we both knew it wouldn't work out.

Eventually, I went to a mental hospital for 5 weeks due to suicidal thoughts and anxiety. It's August now, and I started my senior year at a new school to get away from her. I had to leave school today to get away from people due to the fear of crowds she gave me. I used to be normal, I used to be able to talk to people and be able to have fun, now that's all gone, I lost friends, I almost lost my family, but what I lost was myself.

Toucan, if you are reading this, I forgive you, but you broke me, I broke you. I wish you knew how it was for me, how much I have suffered because of you. and the sad thing is. I still love you. My name is Mister Penguin, and I have been abused for 1 year and 8 months, and each day was living hell, it still is hell, it feels like no one is here, it feels like I'm all alone, it feels like everyone knows what I did and they don't care about my story. Logically, I know this is false, but inside, that's how it feels. I know I will get over with this, but I don't have a lot of time, I have to return to school soon and I have to face the crowds. I'm scared, and I'm alone.

Article originally appeared on One in Three Campaign (http://www.oneinthree.com.au/).
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